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To: BankerWoman1; Revolting cat!; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my ***** was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

39 posted on 01/15/2013 12:44:59 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Missing again?

Dude. You should have it permantly super-glued on.

And enjoy this song.

40 posted on 01/15/2013 12:50:03 PM PST by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: Slings and Arrows; BankerWoman1; camle; Alkhin; Professional Engineer; katana; Mr. Silverback; ...
[KOCHANSKI is crouched over on her floor, staring under her bunk and poking a broom into the dark corners beneath]

KOCHANSKI You're there, I *know* you're there, you little sod! Come on, out! Out!

[Enter KRYTEN]

KOCHANSKI There's a mouse under here, its been scuttling around for about ten minutes.
KRYTEN It's not a mouse, ma'am, it's Archie.
KRYTEN My penis. It must have escaped.
KOCHANSKI You know, I'm really going to have to get my ears syringed; do you know what that sounded like to me?
KRYTEN I made one.
KOCHANSKI Forget my ears, maybe my whole *brain* needs syringing... You made one?
KRYTEN Mmm. Out of an old electron board, a loo roll, some sticky-backed plastic and an Action Man's polo-neck jumper.
KOCHANSKI Kryten, why do you want one? KRYTEN It's so humiliating, being posted to the Women's Wing just because I'm genitally challenged! So I decided to make one like Mister Lister's. Little rascal must have got bored jumping in and out of his hoop and made a break for it during the night.
KOCHANSKI No wonder I couldn't lure him out with a bit of cheese. This whole thing's making sense now.
KRYTEN Just leave this to me, ma'am. Here, Archie! Here, boy!
KOCHANSKI There he is!

[A small, gibbering critter suddenly hurls itself out and across the floor, tears around the room like a miniature whirlwind and shoots back under the bunk, where KRYTEN traps it under a bucket. Undeterred, the gibbering thing nudges the bucket out from under the bunk, lurches around for a moment, then whizzes out of the cell door and down a corridor]

KOCHANSKI Kryten, do you realise what this means?
KRYTEN No, ma'am.
KOCHANSKI It means you're a real man.
KRYTEN It does? Why?
KOCHANSKI Because now, like all men, you have absolutely no control over your penis.
KRYTEN I'm so proud! Archie, come back!

53 posted on 01/15/2013 1:32:33 PM PST by null and void (Gun confiscation enables tyranny. Don't enable Tyranny)
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