Posted on 02/03/2013 6:36:34 AM PST by SeekAndFind
MOMMY BLOGGERS (and their daddy counterparts, too) agree about almost nothing. Some favor co-sleeping; others do not. Some favor banning video games; others do not. Similar disputes surround breast-feeding, vaccines, cursing and whether it’s O.K. to force-feed your child broccoli.
But a rare consensus has emerged on at least one topic. What subject could possibly be so clear-cut it has elicited once-in-a-generation unanimity?
That parents should stop bragging about their children.
That’s right, apparently the civil rights issue of our age is that you have the right to remain silent — and I have the right not to hear about — how your daughter learned to read at 16 months, your son scored 12 goals in the soccer game, and your darling got into Brown, his first choice! (All these example were taken from actual, antibragging diatribes.)
Consider these headlines from recent months. BabyCenter: “I Hate Hearing About Your Gifted Child.” Café Mom: “8 Most Ridiculous Things Moms Brag About.” WebMD: “How to Handle Parents Who Brag About Their Kids.” Yahoo! Voices: “Are You Sick of Being One-Upped by Fellow Moms?” Berkeley Parents Network: “My Friends’ Saintly Kids.”
Don’t get me wrong. I get the annoyance. A friend of my wife’s once boasted about her daughter’s high Apgar score. But I’ve also heard plenty of parental brags that seemed not only justified, but downright heartwarming: the tone-deaf parent marveling at a child who can sing; the parent who never went to college proud that a child got a scholarship; the harried mother of three grateful that an older sibling is acting sweet toward a newborn.
Parenting is tough enough; can’t you take a victory lap every now and then?
So why has this otherwise minor corner of family life elicited such strong feelings?
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
The article makes the following guidelines about when to brag abut your child: (read article for details )
1. Brag about how good a child you have, not how good a parent you are.
2. Brag about effort, not accomplishment.
3. Brag in context.
4. Follow “the bragging formula.” Another common piece of advice — each time you criticize someone, you should give multiple compliments — applies equally well in reverse. Each boast about a child should come surrounded by three negatives. My son is on the honor roll (but still wets his bed).
5. Don’t brag about something everyone else struggles with.
6. In-and-out brag. Approach bragging as your child approaches cough syrup: If you must do it, get it over quickly.
7. Avoid double bragging. Parents are also not allowed to use their children’s lives to draw attention to their own past glories.
8. Bragging to Granny is allowed. Everyone agrees that boasting to your own parents is not just acceptable, it’s desirable.
9. Bundle brag. Be careful to compliment your own daughter, only after doing the same to all of her nieces and nephews.
Granted, some parents take the whole “my kid is so smart/athletic/great etc... bragging to the point that you get sick but let’s look at the flip side. I would rather discuss my children’s good points than to be the type of parent that is always complaining/whining about how rotten the kids are... I’ve dealt with them as well. “Suzy is just so fat and it is embarrassing” or “Jake is stupid at math, I don’t think he’ll ever amount to much”. Here is an honest to goodness recent one that I heard, “Poor Anna, she got her father’s looks instead of mine or my family. I don’t know what kind of man will ever find her attractive”. I guess there is a good level of acknowledging your kids great attributes vs going overboard.
When referring to your grand child.
as in....My son sired the most brilliant little boy in the kindergarten at First Church
My son sired the most brilliant little boy
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
From ‘Day 1’ Adam & Eve’s parents BOTH probably said. “HE/SHE could have done better”.
Which brings to mind the age old question:
How can 2 of the dumbest (She from his side, He from her side) people in the Universe produce such an intelligent Grand Child?
Wrong.
I don't mind hearing a parent bragging about their child but I will shut them up the moment they start ragging on their child.
You should not rag on your spouse or your child in public. Ever. It is disrespectful and it is damaging to you and to them.
Bragging about children has been around for ages. Sixty years ago my Mother said that you shouldn’t HAVE to brag about your own children. If they are that good OTHER people will notice and compliment them.
It seems like most of the highly educated people in this country are actually morons who don’t know how to do anything any more, from have a conversation about their families to elect a president.
There is a difference between expressing pride about your children (or yourself) and bragging. I think most people know where the line is without having to be instructed by the NY Times.
I really don’t like boastful people, I find them quite tedious. But then again, it is not the worst sin in the world either.
Ain’t no brag if you can do it.
Just what I'd expect from the NYet Times. When it comes to the marketing of American exceptionalism, we aren't permitted to say that this nation is on whole better than any other place.
Barack Obama omits the "boast" element and just cites the three negatives in every speech at home and abroad. "Until I got here..."
Personally I loved to hear about other people’s kids and their accomplishments. I also love to see your family pictures LOL!! I think these articles make normal people paranoid of bothering someone. It is a more civilized and joyful society when parents are proud of their children.
Here is another thought...my children’s grandparents had all passed away before they were born except for my mom and she died when they were fairly young. I didn’t have any inlaws or parents to share my kid’s accomplishments with.
Wow! Are there that many stupid parents these days that they actually need such guidelines?
A lot of this piece reminds me of so much girl talk among some whiny mothers. It was not until I had read the entire piece that I glanced at the writer’s name. Very surprised to see that a man had written it.
You should not rag on your spouse or your child in public. Ever. It is disrespectful and it is damaging to you and to them.
&&&
Agreed.
Why can't people simply listen politely like adults, even if they are irritated? And then not go and speak ill of the parents behind their backs. If the braggers are that annoying these folks shouldn't get chummy with them anyway, unless it's really just a weird codependency thing to begin with.
What if a person perceives (rightly or wrongly) that another person brags about his kids or dog or garden or Harley or whatever. He could elect to have the grace to let it go in one ear and out the other, and have the class not to speak ill of the supposed bragger.
Maybe the offended/annoyed are insecure more than anything else. Really, if parents are boasting about their kids, what of it? Sure better than people whining about braggers, lol. :)
“I didn’t have any in laws or parents to share my kid’s accomplishments with..”
Me either. I do have one “Aunt” that wants to hear everything. PM me if you want to share your kid’s accomplishments. Like you, I love to hear how kids are doing well, working hard, trying new things and accomplishing aspects of their lives. Hugs, Mom
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