Skip to comments.Princeton Mom to All Female Students: ‘Find a Husband’
Posted on 04/07/2013 2:25:11 AM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
In the mid-seventies, Susan A. Patton was among the "200 pioneer women" to join Princeton University's previously all-male student body. As president of her alumni class, she recently attended an Anne-Marie Slaughterendorsed "Women and Leadership" event that "allowed current undergraduate women to speak informally with older and presumably wiser alumnae." But the "girls" in attendance "glazed over" discussing careerism, she found. So today she wrote an open letter to The Daily Princetonian telling "the daughters I never had" what she wished she'd said:
Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out ... Heres what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.
Oh no. She continues,
I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. Its amazing how forgiving men can be about a womans lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women cant (shouldnt) marry men who arent at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.
Well, this will definitely be awkward for any future non-Princeton girlfriends of that younger son.....
(Excerpt) Read more at nymag.com ...
As for Patton's elitist assumption that finding an "intellectual equal" outside of an Ivy League campus is next to impossible? Ugh. I'm not even going to unpack that one, but it's worth noting that this embarrassing window into how Ivy Leaguers talk to each other should be as cringe-inducing to modern audiences as Patton's take on gender relations is. Some of the dumbest and most intellectually incurious people I've known were in my class at Princeton. And some of the smartest I've known went to state schools, or community colleges, or didn't go to college.
Fundamentally, the woman is correct. The reality is that women like to marry in an upward fashion, and if they already are at the pinnacle of opportunity, their choices are already narrow and will get narrower over time.
That’s where Plenty of Fish, Match.com, JDate, Craigslist, FriendFinder, etc. etc. come in. One doesn’t have to date only people in their immediate circle anymore.
You are correct in that there are more options to meet people. I don’t think the woman is intending to say that women only should be looking at Yale or Harvard men to find a husband, but simply not to wait before looking, because me of similar accomplishment and age are already eyeing women younger than they to date and if these women wait until they are finished with their education before starting to look, they may find themselves aged out of the dating market and have to settle on less accomplished men if they want to be married at all.
Okay, Princeton gals, how’d you like that mother-in-law?
All terrifying prospects if you ask me! The author makes a very good point regarding what is or should be an instinctual behavior. Some women may bristle at what she attempted to tell them, but there is a very valid truthful point. Are there exceptions, sure there are, but for the majority it is a matter of marrying up the ladder.
There are very few men who like to date women who can match wits with them. It is not until later in the marriage does a man come to appreciate his wife's intelligence and her full potential/success.
Agree, Meadsjn — but what she is saying that while a person is in college, that is when they WILL be surrounded by the largest number to choose from who are on roughly the same intellectual equivalent. This is especially key for women if she is keen to get married and not have to “dumb down” pretend she isn’t interested in “book larnin’” She’s not saying great, smart quality men aren’t found elsewhere, or outside that particular university - she’s saying if you can find a good man young, GRAB HIM if you can if the iron is hot. Don’t wait until you are out in the workforce with maybe 1 in 10 coming up to you intellectually (or often LESS!) Face it, many men (including those who should have given it a thought) marry a woman because she is “cute” or nice to puppies and children, and don’t care if she knows John Adams from the beer Sam. Adams. Then the children grow up and he finds he married an airhead and he gets to pound his head up against the wall, wondering why she can’t grasp why voting for dumbocrat politicians is not in anyone’s best interest just because “they carrrre, and it’s for the chilllldrun.” Women who wait, find their pickings are slimmer. Then when they are 28-30 and “ready to settle down” she’ll find all the smart, good guys are already taken — either by the cupcake who wiggled her fanny at him on his first job while she was cleaning the coffee machine - or by the smart cookie who nailed him in college. She will have to beat the bushes harder than he will to find her intellectual soul mate. If a guy with an IQ of 130 marries a woman with an IQ of 100, it may work out. It DOESN’T often work out for the woman with the IQ of 130 who marries the guy with an IQ of 100. Wait too long and the educated ones are “taken” and you sure as hell don’t want to marry the idiot who doesn’t know “to” from “two” from “too.” She’ll end up killing him or herself.
She is saying: “For God’s sake, if you see a guy you really love, MARRY HIM — don’t wait until you establish your career and come back 8-10 years latter he took the cupcake.”
... or resent it.
Well, unfortunately this is EXACTLY what Charles Murray has been saying for 20 years-—that the elites are inbreeding and that they concentrate in”super zips”, or zip codes dominated by certain college degrees combined with income levels. It is also true that men almost never “marry up” either financially or intellectually (some professions are exceptions if the man had prestige or glamor, such as high profile actor, politician, or academic).
Dollar on the string guys, marry a submissive and be happy.
I see nothing wrong with this hype about what she said. What is “newsworthy” is someone to recommend actively seeking marriage with a person of the opposite sex. Now that’s what makes this “news” today. She’s be more in line with the headlines recommending a lesbian partner.
Men are also intimidated by smart women. 30 years ago, they wouldn’t ask me out when they found out I was an engineering major.
I was terrible and would go out with my girlfriends and pretend to be an elementary education major and the would flock around me.
I was told that I was too cute to be an engineering major. Back in the day I was naturally blnd, 5’ 7”, and very slim.
At least, my husband wasn’t ntimidated. Of course, he was one of the smartest engineers at my company.
There’s is a high concentration of kids with autism n the Silicon Valley and some suspect it’s because of the engineers that are married and having kids there.
I thought that in the 18-22 year-old age group, the women are a lot more mature than the men. Certainly, when I was that age, it was not inspiring to sit by guys in the cafeteria who bragged about how ‘faced’ they had been the night before that they had no idea how they got home. One evening, my friends and I had to dive under our table at dinner. Two tables of ‘men’ near us had a food fight and the food was flying over our table. They all ran off after the fight and left the mess for the cafeteria staff to clean up.
Needles to say, I wasn’t serious about marrying one of them. Perhaps the Ivy League women would be better off meeting someone in their summer job or internship, who is already graduated and is more mature.
The advantage of dating people in college is you can see them and platonicly hang out with them before dating. You also have access to people who know the guy.
My wife had similar experiences. She finihed High School in 2 years then an undergrad and masters at Johns Hopkins in another 4 years (engineering). She was a bit awkward around men and had trouble in the normal dating scene. Luckily for me her brother was near by at Annapolis and she had a weakness for men in uniform. I met her through a dating site and she later told me that once she saw the pictures of me in my flight suit and dress blues she decided I was the one. Ten years and three kids later we’re still going strong. I’m lucky she didnt’t judge me by my SAT scores...
Replace “intelligence” as the desired trait in the article to “moral character”. Now you’ve got something worth looking for.
My advice to the men of Princeton is if you marry a Princeton gal GET A PRENUP!