I work a lot, which I am thankful for, but the urge for companionship and a “fun partner” to try things with, dance with, travel with, read with...is never there.
She would rather go to a meal swap deal with her girlfriends vs. hanging with me.
I just feel trapped, and depressed.
I hate to say this, but if you can, just have sex with her. It’s a little hard for me nowadays because I keep getting her pregnant.
What attracted you to each other?
I've been feeling that way for years but I won't turn my back on my kids. The alternative is just not worth it. I haven't had a night out in years. No joke. But I only have a few more years until my children are old enough then I'll get out more.
“I just feel trapped, and depressed.”
Communication is your friend. Talk to anyone who can be of help. Try talking to your religious pastor, priest, rabbi, etc. Next try a shrink. Try talking to some of her girlfriends on the side to get their opinion as to where your wife’s head is at. Start surprising her with flowers, little gifts, notes around the house saying you hope you can rekindle your romance because you really care for her. Play with your kids a lot, and work a little less. Devote more time to the homefront. Cook her dinner, take her out to dinner just for the heck of it, not just a special occasion. Talke to your relatives on both sides about your situation. Suggest family counseling for both of you.
If all else fails, and after trying all of the above, tell her you are thinking seriously about divorce, as nothing seems to improve your not so mutual relationship no matter how hard you try. Maybe her just knowing you are constantly thinking about divorce at that point will jog her out of her reverie and impress upon her the seriousness of the situation. She would have a lot to lose too you might tell her. And if after everything it comes to divorce, fight like heck for joint custody and do everything you can to stay involved in your children’s lives. They will need you more than ever.
Or, last option, just bite the bullet, put up with the situation for the good of the children and think of as many ways to pamper yourself as you can. Seek the fellowship of others to go with to sports events, card games, work parties, join church groups, get involved in voluntary charity organizations, etc. If athletic, join a sports team or workout gym. Include your children in as many outside events as you can. It will be good for all of you. Make a semi-separate life for yourself from which you can get good feedback to keep your own self esteem and feeling of self worth up. It appears your wife is doing just that now. Perhaps if she sees you doing the same, it might wake her up that you too can take steps for your own happiness, with or without her. Remember divorce is expensive in so many ways. Try to avoid if possible, especially as your kids are still young. Good luck.
I understand how you feel. Express your feelings to her “I feel alone, I miss being close” and ask her to go to counseling with you. If she won’t, don’t press it - go yourself.
Things can change if you get help.
Hmmm. Tarzan you ain't.
I just feel trapped, and depressed.
The meal swap deal *does* sound like a better deal. Really, in all seriousness this appears to be a rough patch you both just need to deal with and get through. The grass won't be greener on the divorce side of the fence when you see the trauma you foisted upon your children for life.
Work it out together. There's your common goal. The fun stuff together can then follow. Don't spread the miseries to your innocent children. Build up and work toward a wholesome solution. Don't tear down and destroy. That's what Obama does. Don't imitate Obama. All the best to you.
...working long hours...Is it necessary that you work so much? In other words, if you're barely around, are you easily forgotten too?
I am tired of working so hard to have no connection with my spouse.
...I work a lot...
You have not even been married long enough to complain this much! You haven’t earned the right yet...God had a reason when He told people to marry, in marriage you learn to be unselfish. Sounds like you don’t get it yet. JEsse Lee Peterson can give you great advice on his radio show. OR Roy Masters...fhu.com. Good luck
Make it YOUR responsibility for her to want to be with you instead of hers. You sound resentful of her friends. Facilitate her friendships. Offer to babysit so she can go out, etc.
You have a negative cycle going on. You are depressed, so she has even less interest in being around. Change your behavior (whether you feel it or not.)
And you can’t try it once then give up and say it didn’t work. Positive cycles take time like the negatives ones.