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This is a good one!
“THE BROTHEL”
The madam opened the brothel door in Salt Lake City and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?,” she asked.
The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,”
said the madam.
He replied, “No, I must see Valerie.”
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
“There are no discounts. The price is still $5000.”
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie
and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.”
“Where are you from?”
The man replied,” Idaho .”
“Really,” she said. “I have family in Idaho.”
“I know.” the man said. “Your sister died, and I am her attorney.”
“She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.”
The moral of the story is that three (3) things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer!
Scotch with 2 Drops of Water?
* A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of
water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says:
‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’
The bartender says:
‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’
As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says:
‘I would like to buy you a drink too.’
The old woman says:
Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’
‘Coming up’ says the bartender as she finishes that drink, the man to her left says
‘I would like to buy you one, too.’
The old woman says:
‘Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’
‘Coming right up’ the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’
The old woman replies
‘Sonny, when you’re my age you’ve learned how to hold your liquor...
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’
The bartender asks Descartes "Will you be having a drink?"
Descartes say "I think not" and disappears.
Sorry, this is bad. But it made me laugh.
English Lesson
Did you know listen and silent use the same letters?
Do you know that the words race car spelled backwards
still spells race car?
And that eat is the only word that if you take the first letter
and move it to the last, it spells its past tense ate?
And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in
illegal immigrants, and add just a few more letters, it spells:
Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking,
baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other
hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving,
raggedy-a$$ b**tards with you.
How weird is that?