Posted on 07/31/2013 1:05:05 PM PDT by nickcarraway
My 10-year-old daughter, Birdy, is not nice, not exactly. She is deeply kind, profoundly compassionate and, probably, the most ethical person I know — but she will not smile at you unless either she is genuinely glad to see you or you’re telling her a joke that has something scatological for a punch line.
This makes her different from me. Sure, I spent the first half of the ’90s wearing a thrifted suede jacket that I had accessorized with a neon-green sticker across the back, expressing a somewhat negative attitude regarding the patriarchy (let’s just say it’s unprintable here). But even then, I smiled at everyone. Because I wanted everyone to like me. Everyone!
I am a radical, card-carrying feminist, and still I put out smiles indiscriminately, hoping to please not only friends and family but also my son’s orthodontist, the barista who rolls his eyes while I fumble apologetically through my wallet, and the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me. If I had all that energy back — all the hours and neurochemicals and facial musculature I have expended in my wanton pursuit of likedness — I could propel myself to Mars and back. Or, at the very least, write the book “Mars and Back: Gendered Constraints and Wasted Smiling.”
But it is not one thing or another, of course. My mostly pleasant way might get me more freelance work. And friendliness tends to put people at ease — loved ones, neighbors, waitresses — which is a good thing. Plus, smiling probably makes me feel happier, according to all those studies about self-fulfilling emotional prophesies. I know that our sweet-hearted son, who is 13, has always had the experience of niceness being its own reward.
(Excerpt) Read more at parenting.blogs.nytimes.com ...
And for me, too, for reading this drivel. Talk about a bunch of projection.
This is the end game of the radical Commies on society.
In the end, it will be us vs. them. The angry God-haters and the feral ‘yoots vs. us.
The daughter sounds like an angry vegan lesbian-in-training, son may also be gay.
But I am sure that they are all very “moral.”
I could feel the nausea rising up in my throat as I read the exceprt. No freaking way will I click that link only to spew what was a delicious lunch.
LOL! I had much the same thought.
Mom might want to take a look at her parenting skills. One screwed up kid is an outlier, two is a pattern.
No kidding. Nice is such a waste of time? Being pleasant to others? You bet/ sarc
Note to the author - if you’re nice to people out of an expectation of some direct reward, then you’re not really a nice person.
...if your daughter is being raised by a loud mouthed, obnoxious liberal Feminist that writes for the New York Times, you won’t have to worry about her being “nice” to anyone ever...
The Helen Thomas pic I coulda done without.
Well put. Your kid is also screwed up if you name them "Birdy".
I was wondering if it was a satire or something......nope.
Might happen when you name a kid 'Birdy'.
I’ve been hearing more and more that ‘nice’ is something that’s expected by women of men. You don’t get credit for being a pleasant, caring man.
I don’t understand this attitude. Seems like a good recipe for some terrible relationships. Kindness is always appreciated. A woman who’s unappreciative of kindness is probably not one you want to date.
“She is deeply kind, profoundly compassionate and, probably, the most ethical person I know”
Really, at 10 years old? We should all agree the author is the most wonderful mother on the planet.
Well, Al Capone always said that "You get farther with a smile and a gun, than just a smile."
But this author likely hates guns. And smiling. And, I'll guess Al Capone, as well, because he's a dead white guy.
So what's my point? I don't have one, other than I thought that the quote was relevantly snarky. :-)
Screwed up moms will have screwed up kids.
There are girls like that. When you become a teenager, your true character manifests itself, and you start to do what you think is appropriate. It may be wrapped in contemporary fads, but your real self comes through. Often, the parents don’t like it.
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