Posted on 08/13/2013 1:06:05 PM PDT by nickcarraway
By now you've probably heard: Short haircuts are happening. Everywhere. From the September Vogue Paris cover, to Coco Rocha's Instagram in real time, to Rihanna, who went short a few weeks ago. And if there are other life forms out there in the universe, I’m sure even they have heard about Beyoncé’s pixie cut, polled their colonies for their citizens’ opinions, and put forth multiple theories about why she did it.
But as a short-haired woman for the past two years, I’ve been watching the pixie hysteria unfold with some level of bemusement. I was never that comfortable with long hair on myself. The longest I’ve had it is to my shoulders, and the bob is sort of my sweet spot. But in the early nineties, I was really into Depeche Mode and wanted to date someone with Martin Gore hair. I was not attracted to Gore himself — too asexual. But I loved his hair and I finally decided that if I couldn’t date his hair, then I would have his hair. This led to years of various bowl cuts, mousse experiments, and sometimes tears. But it’s still the ideal to which I aspire. In the meantime, if you're considering chopping all of your hair off, I'd like to share a few things I've learned:
It’s Not Sexy and Men Hate It After Bey cut her hair, I got a press release from the appalling dating site WhatsYourPrice.com, wherein people bid to go on dates with you and you get to keep the money. Men there bid about 40 percent less on women with hair above their shoulders than on women with hair below their shoulders. Now, I actually take that as a compliment, because I’d definitely rather have a man who knows the value of a dollar and doesn’t squander it all on long-haired bimbos. (I kid! It’s not your fault, my long-tressed sisters, that your hair makes men want to have babies with you.)
My husband met me when I had short hair and claims to like it. I’ll just have to take him at his word. I’m pretty sure Linda Evangelista, another nineties hair idol of mine who frequently chopped her hair, never had any problem getting a man into her bed. Miley Cyrus was recently No. 1 on the Maxim hot list, an honor rarely bestowed on ladies without classic bombshell hair, which Miley pointed out.
Dumb People Will Probably Assume You Are a Lesbian Because, Ellen. Someone recently told me that I look like Ellen, actually. (If only I could get my tousle as perfect as hers.) My college-age nephews used to call me Uncle Cheryl as a joke when I first cut my hair. Ah, Midwestern 19-year-old humor!
Or That You Are Going Through a Life Phase of Some Sort By the fall, I’m quite certain colleges will be offering psychology courses about Beyoncé’s cut, which you can only take after you pass Michelle Obama’s Bangs 101 and Lady Gaga's Beauty Bi-polarism 201. Stylist and author Lauren Rothman told the the Washington Post, “It’s the end of the Mrs. Carter Tour and she’s really getting into motherhood and the throes of her 30s, or it could be the expression of a significant life change we may not know about.” I actually sort of buy this explanation. Women make changes to their appearance when change occurs in their lives or when they think they need something different. (Or, you know, when they get their weave stuck in a fan.) Hence the dreaded “breakup bangs” phenomenon. And remember how Emma Watson cut her hair after Harry Potter was over to make a statement of emancipation? Michelle Williams, my own personal short hair hero, is growing hers out, and it might be because she’s finally ready to move on from Heath Ledger, who supposedly loved her with short hair.
Finally, People Think You’re Really Brave to Go That Short Buzzfeed published a list of things you should never say to a woman with short hair, and they all involve some sort of backhanded compliment. I’ve heard every single one of them, and I noticed this happening with people’s reactions to Beyoncé’s cut, too. They wrote things like “Beyoncé could walk around with bird droppings on her head and she’d look hot!” The implicit message being that the cut is the equivalent of guano?
I like having short hair. The fact that celebs are embracing the cut is a bit of a double-edged sword, though. For a while I heard, "Oh, you have the Miley!" (Is that a compliment? Unclear.) But maybe it will make it less scary for other, non-celebrity women to try. The cut is a real confidence builder, because you don't have any hair to hide behind. It's just your cheekbones against the world.
Do I sometimes wish I could just wake up one morning with long hair and avoid the painful growing-out process? Yes. Mostly because I want to try one of those Game of Thrones Khaleesi braid tutorials.
Well, the problem is she is not being called “hot” based on popular demand from the readers, she is being called “hot” because marketing people want to make people think she is “hot”.
Strangely enough, I am one of those rare birds who looks LESS feminine with long hair. There's a picture of me with longer hair when my girls were very young ( they don't remember a time when I didn't have short hair.) We were looking at old pictures one day and one of my daughters shrieked, "Who is THAT"? She thought it was positively scary and I agreed.
I finally found a stylist who gives a mad pixie cut with a straight razor. He's worth his weight in gold, and I am frequently complimented by both men and women on my appearance, especially since I stopped coloring my hair and now have a very nice silver crop that is darker along the bottom edge. I've been told that it looks like I spend a lot of money to achieve my look. Only my hairdresser (and now FR) knows for sure!
I was being facetious.
But you know, one can’t just decide to have gorgeous long hair the way one can just decide to put on nice clothing. There are genetics involved.
Each to his own. Please send the Blonde Barbie dolls my way.
Each to his own. Please send the Blonde Barbie dolls my way.
About seven years ago she was brow beat into cutting it short by her mother and sister, quite honestly because they thought it was the "cool" thing to do. Well, I objected before she did it, and also to the end product; she had this beautiful hair cut under pressure from family. After many (somewhat difficult) discussions, she grew it out once again.
She has thanked me for my persistence many, many times.
Different strokes.
Ah, so you don’t have spiky radical feminist hair? I would have been surprised if you did..
But it doesn’t hurt to work a little at looking nice. Sometimes product helps. Balance is required.
Ah, so you don’t have spiky radical feminist hair? I would have been surprised if you did..
But it doesn’t hurt to work a little at looking nice. Sometimes product helps. Balance is required.
Danny, if I have an extra to spare I’ll send one your way ; )
Those are fine with me, too - I don’t discriminate. I seem to find something sexy about many types of woman; I guess it depends on my mood that day. But, they all must at least be attractive and fit. BTW, confidence goes a long way to make up lack of other ‘assets.’
I have lousy hair. That's the facts. It is thin, ultra-fine (my hairdresser referred to it as "baby-fine") no body at all. In high school I tried to get it a little longer. I would sleep in brush curlers, use Dippity-do (remember blue concrete), get up in the morning, pull a brush thru it and it was completely straight.
Both of my daughters inherited their father's thick hair with a bit of a wave in it (my darker brown color), and both keep it fairly long. So, I really think it is a matter of what kind of hair you've been blessed with.
If I have to look up what half a dozen names in the first two paragraphs, the author isn’t worth it. If she wants to look like an asexual freak, that’s her choice.
Since then I’ve kept my hair somewhere between below my shoulders and below my hips. Who knows what I’ll do in old age, but I did know one woman in her sixties who wore it almost knee-length. It looked good on her.
It’s all “fun and games” until you reach the “grow it out past your ears” stage.
I’ve been growing mine out for three years from a severe pixie cut (Who says older women look good in short hair?! dang idgits.) And now it’s just slightly past shoulder length.
Never again.
Hmmm, he doesn’t wear a suit to Mass? At least, does he not wear jeans? I notice people come to Mass as slobs, but I figure you should make an effort to look nice. I wouldn’t wear jeans to Mass, unless I got stuck and had to go as is, or not go.
There are many times that I envy women with short hair.
Don’t you just hate that when your parents mess with hair? (Actually, I got the idea of putting a bag over my head from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Sylvester, the cat, was getting beat up by a kangaroo, which Junior, his son, thought was a mouse. Junior was so ashamed, he put a bag over his head.
He has stopped wearing jeans to Mass, after I made several scenes ... not at him, but at our children who had gotten the idea they could wear jeans because he was.
I do have spiky radical feminist hair. If someone wants to judge me on that (as opposed to my long dresses or my ten children) he’s welcome to do so. As far as I can tell, few can be bothered to think much about me at all, and that’s great.
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