Posted on 09/28/2013 11:39:10 AM PDT by Innovative
2. “That just isn’t possible.”
Always speak to your boss in terms of what can be done. For instance, rather than saying “We can’t get this done by Friday,” say “We could definitely get this done by Monday, or if we brought in some freelance help, we could meet the Friday deadline.” When you talk to your boss, think in terms of solving problems for her, not in terms of putting problems on her plate.
6. “It’s not my fault.”
Are you a whiny 8-year-old or a take-charge professional? Assume responsibility and take steps to fix a problem that you did, in fact, create. And if you are being wrongly blamed for a problem, saying “Let’s get to the bottom of this” or “What can we do to make it right?” is much more effective than saying “It’s not my fault.”
7. "I don't know.”
If your boss asks you a question you can’t answer, the correct response is not "I don't know." It's "I'll find out right away."
(Excerpt) Read more at career-advice.monster.com ...
“I’m on top of it Rose.”
I’ll assume that’s a couple of decades since you were familiar with flower shops, rather than since you were a gay man.
10. “Your wife left her panties at my place last night.”
“Don’t worry...the auditors will never find out.”
Don’t worry, Bill. We reclassified all the bugs as features and Sales tells us we can sell a gazillion copies before New Years Eve.
The list assumes bosses have a brain. The vast majority of “managers” haven’t a clue what needs to be done, just that someone told them to do it.
Good assumption, spot on.
Mine was,,, “You make all the money , you tell me what happened to your file”
She wasnt happy ...
Not if he's asking something you know you won't be able to answer. In that case, explain why the question is unanswerable. Besides, unless you want to be known as a kiss-up don't ever say "right away" to a boss, just say what you intend to do and the timeframe you intend to do it in.
"What?....sorry, I can't hear you...keep your shirt on for five minutes.... my bookie is giving me info on this cellphone...yeah,yeah, I'll be right with you and your stupid meeting with the CEO...can't it wait?"
There are times when “I don’t know” is the most succinct and correct answer. Some bosses would prefer a sycophantic lie in those cases, but it is not necessary to do so in order to have a successful career.
typically what management says to the employee that brings out a different better way to do something
You got that right. So frustrating.
“That’s not my job”
That one used to send me into a rage.
“Take this job and shove it.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPrSVkTRb24
You can say that again.
I so agree. Back in the 90s I had a job that was really quite miserable, though of course you can learn from those too.
One of the supervisors said that what she liked about me is that when she asked me to do something, I would tell her yes, no or maybe. ( This place was extremely strict about overtime, and sometimes there just wasn’t time for wish fulfillment. ) But when I said yes, she knew that she could rest easy knowing it was done. The other guy who worked the same position, on the other hand, would always say yes, and she might discover days or weeks later that whatever it was wasnt done because he just told her what she wanted to hear.
Homer Simpson’s Three Important Sentences:
Cover for me.
Ooh, good idea, boss!
It was like that when I got here!
The author assumes the boss is more than a half-wit. I would not make that assumption.
I see that a lot of you are making a joke out of this, but in general I think it’s pretty good advice. You have to remember that it’s probably for a fresh-out-college or high school audience. #9 is pretty weird, but in workplaces where people are mostly the same age group and a lot are single, some will have boundaries issues. Remember that bosses are always griping that the young workers don’t grasp a lot the fundamentals like showing up on time. Yet when push comes to shove, they still hire the young ones, a lot of times probably because they’re more tech savvy.
I would add a disclaimer that this advice only works if the boss is not a drug addict, alcoholic or has ADHD or some kind of mental illness or personality disorder. Even a boss who is terribly distracted by something like pregnancy or an extramarital affair may be very difficult and it isn’t your fault. If the boss or supervisor is a serious substance abuser, you may as well start putting out your résumé elsewhere, because the business may go under before long anyway.
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