Getting weird phone calls... foreigner saying I applied for a loan

[MD Expat in PA]

This is why I ditched my land line back in 2004 and have never looked back. Before then, even after signing up for the Do Not Call List, I’d still get annoying phone calls; calls from political and non-profit groups, sales calls disguised as “surveys”, calls from companies I once did business with, years and year ago and way too many wrong numbers, sometimes in the middle of the night.

Every once in a blue moon I get a wrong number on my cell or a call from an unidentified number but I just let it go to voice mail. If they leave a message AND it’s legit, I call back and if it’s a wrong number, a local number and an honest mistake, I’ll sometimes call them back to let them know if they leave a message. Not long ago I got a message on my voice mail from some doctor’s office about some lab results and how import it was for “Mrs. Jones” to call them back as soon as possible. I called the doctors’ office back and told them they left a message on my phone number by mistake since I wasn’t “Mrs. Jones” and I hadn’t had any recent lab tests but since it sounded rather important and that “Mrs. Jones” was probably anxiously waiting for this call; that they should check the number again and try to reach her. They profusely apologized and thanked me for letting them know (they had transposed the last two digits of her and my phone number).

But it is very rare compared to what I used to get on the land line. And since a number of my relatives and friends live out of state, they and just about everyone else I know even locally, always call me or text me on my cell anyway so a land line was just a waste of money. The only calls I got on my land line were calls I didn’t want.

But before The Do Not Call List and before ditching the land line, I would sometimes have some fun with the telemarketers.

One time I got a call from one of those “time share” scams offering me a completely “free” all inclusive weekend at one of their “premier resorts” (you only had to listen to a “brief orientation”). This was during dinner when I had my brother and SIL over.

I put the call on speaker phone as I listened to the sales pitch and pretend to be interested, even asking lots of questions; asked if there was a pool, tennis courts, walking paths, deeply secluded wooded areas, how close it was to a major highway, how many bedrooms the condo had, was it “pet friendly”, were kids allowed, could I bring a kid that wasn’t related to me, what sort of food there would be served during the buffet meals as I had some dietary restrictions. I even said I was interested in buying a nice “get away place”.

The more questions he answered, the more excited and enthusiastic I pretended to be and the happier he sounded to have “landed one”. Then I asked again, “And what weekend is this?” He told me and I said, “Let me look at my calendar”. “Oh great, I’m “free” that weekend! And I really need to get away for a while.” Then I asked him to tell me again where this resort was located, he told me the town and I hesitated and asked, “So that is in Virginia?” “Yes, it is in Virginia”, he said. “Oh no! That’s no good. Oh no. I can’t. I can’t go to Virginia or at least I really shouldn’t,” I said. He said, “It’s only a 2 1/2 hour drive from Baltimore, it’s really not all that far of a drive.”

“I understand it’s not that far but you don’t understand. I can’t. I can’t leave the state of Maryland.”

“What do you mean you can’t leave Maryland?” he asked sort of laughingly. I let out a deep long sigh, “Well aside from the outstanding Virginia warrants and that whole completely bogus restraining order down there, if I leave the state of Maryland I’ll be so totally in violation of my parole.”

CLICK! He had the nerve to hang up on me. LOL! My husband, brother and SIL nearly peed themselves they were laughing so hard.

Another time when my oldest niece was over for dinner, again it’s always during dinner when these creeps always seem to call, I got a call from a company selling replacement windows.

I listened for a while and then in a very flat monotone voice (think the comedian Steven Wright) I asked the guy if they sold and installed doors as I had no need for any windows. I asked if they sold and installed really heavy metal doors, like bomb and chemical weapon proof metal doors. He paused for a bit and told me they sold storm doors and I said, “No I’m not worried about storms, at least not natural storms if you catch my drift”. He didn’t know what to say so he went back his script and pitching me on replacement windows and I let him go on for a while and then said, “I don’t need replacement windows because I don’t have any windows in my house”. They guy chuckled, bit nervously at this point thinking “perhaps” I was joking and pulling his leg and said, “What do you mean you don’t have any windows? Everybody has window in their house.”

“Well…..”(very matter of fact seriously and in a slow monotone voice) “I don’t. I took all the windows out of my house two years ago when they finally released me from that mind control center that they claimed was a hospital and I replaced them with cinder blocks clad in aluminum inside and out. You do know that if you can see out, that means “they” can see in too, don’t you? Understand? Right? Right? And I don’t want anyone seeing in. Do you? I can tell you get it. And I don’t want them sending me those microwaves into to my brain while I sleep. Like from that satellite dish in my neighbor’s yard. You know he says it’s just for getting HBO and ESPN but I know he’s lying and I told him so. He doesn’t talk to me anymore and that’s how I know he’s a CIA plant. I’ve seen the dark windowless vans parked on my street and those helicopters flying over. They know that I know. Do you know? I bet you do and that’s why you are calling me.”

Long pause, then a muffled - “HOLY CR@P!” CLICK. He hung up on me too and they never called me back. : ),

[Ransomed]

Ha, I liked the window bit. I don’t do it anymore because the few calls I still get are for charities I have given to, political or some company I have done business with in the past.

Freegards

[N. Theknow]

The "Do Not Call" list has become a joke and total waste of time to utilize.

Tele-spammers just have no regard for it by either using a recorded message or not even bothering to check it against numbers they are tele-spamming.

Recorded messages make you wait through the entire spiel to get to press a number to "be taken off their calling list" which never happens. Or if you press "1" to speak to an agent and ask to be taken off the list, that also never happens.

I used to keep an air horn near the phone to give the jerks a good blast when they called.

Then I got a bright idea and it has worked fairly well for me.

I live in a subdivision, let's say it is Osprey Point, and I utilize the name of the subdivision whenever I answer a call, with one addition: "Osprey Point Police Department, how may I direct your call?" This works very well if the caller is a live person and not a recording. Calls from loan offerings, Canadian pharmacies (which are really based in India but use Canadian area codes) credit card services, etc. have ceased. And if the call is a recording where I have to press a number to "reach an agent" then I say, "Not sure how you got this number sir, but this is Detective Williams of the Osprey Point Police Department and I would greatly appreciate it if you immediately remove this number from your future callings."

I used to get about a dozen calls a week to "upgrade my free Google listing by pressing 1 to speak to one of our agents" and now I have not received any calls for the past month.