Posted on 07/04/2014 9:02:19 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
Hi all,
I never, NEVER, thought I'd post this here. But at this point, I have no one to turn to.
I'm a 51 year-old housewife/reporter and photographer who tries to make money doing proofreading, editing, writing,taking pictures, and oh, yes, selling ads for a phone book belonging to a dear friend of mine who was on Gatineau's city council (that's how I met him; we broke a lot of stories here).
I need to make a profile on FR; it would save a lot of time. :)
Long story short. I grew up in Des Plaines, IL, met my French Canadian husband about 20 + years ago; we moved to Denver and had a son and daughter there. Thank God they were born on American soil! :)
About 15 years ago, my husband got a job offer and we had to move north. I felt like he'd punched me in the stomach; I couldn't breathe. I fell into a depression after moving the kids, by myself, driving all those miles (my husband had already bought a home and begun work with the government up here).
A year after we moved, 9/11 happened...and even though I was far away, I felt even more depressed, probably because I was separated from the country I love and knew was hurting, but I couldn't do anything. Thanks to FR, I sent care packages to the troops...
Anyway. Fast forward to today. I began drinking hard, and now, it seriously imperiled my health. I have to stop, and I do, for periods of time, but then... something happens and I fall back into old habits.
Example. I`ve never had a D.U.I. (I never drink and drive), but I lost my drivers license at the hospital because my brain chemicals were out of whack (too much ammonia?). I'm on lactylose.
Last weekend, a long weekend here because of Canada Day, I had a lot of errands to do with the car, so I needed hubby to drive me around.
Things were okay... until at some point, he kept being so sarcastic, so .... fake ... he kept saying, "where should we go right now? Please, let me help you!" (fake, fake, fake). I started to cry in the car. He'd beaten me down after two days of me asking him to drive me here and there to help my (Gatineau city) councillor friend make money...
I cried and gave up, and bought some booze at the grocery store, while he bought "make your own pizza" fixings...I had said, "we can get all of that at Walmart.." (where they don't sell alcohol). Instead, he chose a grocery where they sell alcohol…the one thing I didn’t want him to do).
Long story short, I feel like I'm pushing up the proverbial rock while my husband is kicking it, hard, back into my face.... all while doing that in front of our kids so that they have no respect for me. btw, when I don`t drink, we have the same fights... just not as emotional on my side. What do I do? How do you deal with trying to fix yourself when everyone seems to be aligned against you? Any advice would be appreciated. And I feel so embarrassed to reach out like this, but I’m at my wit’s end. My husband seems closer to our daughter than he does to me, and it hurts. Julie
Don’t pay attention to the ‘negative’, stick with those who are sincere.
‘Playing the game of someone trying to quit, is a path to repeatedly finding reasons to fall off the wagon.
There will always be a reason to fall off the wagon, every few years something truly catastrophic befalls us’
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You are right. Thank you.
No drinking to fall back on? Yikes! :)
Well, I have begun running in the past week; I got new shoes (my old running shoes are over 20 years old).
It’s not as quick, it’s not as easy, but running really makes a difference. I used to run a lot when I was in my 20’s and I think this will help.
Giving up nicotine was very tough for me. You decide you don’t need it, and you put it down.
Quitting’s easy. We’ve all quit some things several times. Tell yourself this is the last drink (cigarette) you’ll have, then quit for the last time.
All I can advise about is my experience. My brother went through an AA experience and it really helped him. Even if you are not an alcoholic, it really really helped the rest of the family as we went through the program, too.
God bless you as you seek to work through the issues in your life.
To quit you gotta want to quit.
If you don't buy it you won't drink it.
Think of the effect you are having on your children.
You have to be the best example you can for them.
Thank you. I am a regular at church but have recently been thinking about getting more involved. For example, every Good Friday we carry a very heavy Cross from one Christian church to another in this small sector of Gatineau.
I would like to find out the history of this cross (apparently, it was made from some logging trees that got caught up in the ‘Rapides Deschenes’, a very dangerous part of the Ottawa River.
I’d like to write that story and share it with our community. Thank you both. :)
You can never go wrong by visiting a church...ever. God gives peace, He gives answers.
I have known people who have dealt with this in different ways. The important part is just not picking up a drink. You are the only one who can do that.
I believe that acknowledging the issue is the first step. Sounds cliche, I know, but it is true. I know of someone who has real problems with alcohol and just does not admit it. It is tough to watch.
I wish you the very best and agree with most of the previous posts.
My brother went to 30 day rehab and it saved his life. My mother and I attended a family program to help learn how to deal with him after he came home. Helped immensely. That was 28 yrs ago and he’s clean and sober. Involving the family is important because the whole family is “sick”, so to speak.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers and hope for success! YOU CAN DO IT!
When you pray spend some time thinking of Our Lord’s Passion.
Giving up nicotine was very tough for me. You decide you don’t need it, and you put it down.
Quitting’s easy. We’ve all quit some things several times. Tell yourself this is the last drink (cigarette) you’ll have, then quit for the last time.
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It’s funny, tumblindice (OMG, I have to listen to the Stones now! LOL!)... that is so true. The times I’ve stopped, it was like I said to myself, that’s enough. I’m done. And mentally, something changed, and I was actually done.
I just have to watch out for triggers to get me started again. You guys are awesome! :) :)
Do not think: Do.
One bleary morning many years ago, knowing I needed help, I went to the phone book, looked up the number for AA, and made the call. I found where a meeting would be held that evening, went to it, found a whole bunch of people who’d travelled the same road I was on, and my life began to change. Make the call. There is a wonderful world out there to be found if you go through that door. God bless.
I don't want to seem to demean you by saying this, but don't buy the psycho-babble nonsense that it's "a disease." It's not a disease, but a character flaw. There is no shame in facing this.
character flaws are just the deep scarring of sin. And the only remedy for sin is prescribed in bold in the owner's manual. Go there and nowhere else. The others are impostors.
‘Used to drink just socially but was creeping into “habit” territory the day ObaMao was voted into office.’...Did so the day he was sworn into office and have never taken another drop since
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Well, Vigilanteman, I guess the Obamanation has done one good thing in his time in office. :)
Please take care of yourself! :)
Julie
What the hell is wrong with you?
You have not embarrassed yourself. You know that you need advise and are asking for it. Nothing more. We all have our problems in life and it takes intellect to know when you need more input and courage to admit that and ask.
One thing that I hold on to is my faith.
Jesus said “I am with you always”.
For me it helps.
“I was going to chide your for what sounded like lack of appreciation for your husband. I’ll hold my tongue, though, and urge you to get help, for your sake and for the sake of your man and your kids.”
Thank you, Larry. :) I’ve seen your posts very often, and appreciate them.
My husband is upstairs clearing his throat and reading; I’ll answer as many people as I can, and then I have to get upstairs and to sleep.
My husband is a good man, for sure. I’m just not sure we really love each other anymore. But that’s a topic for another day...
” Take all the fun out of tormenting you by not responding”
LOLOL!!!!! Thank you! That is too funny. I have been trying, but you’re right, that’ll work.. ;)
Take care, Excellence,
J.
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