Posted on 08/08/2014 4:03:22 PM PDT by grundle
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a #$%$.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'I Love Obama.' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
LOL!
Love it!
thanks for the chuckle, in this day of so much bad news
More retired (or forced to retire early) people should try this.
Good on everybody.
That’s good. I’ll have to keep that one alive.
Who says retirees are bored to death and have nothing to do? LOL!
The second whines about chronic constipation.
When they turn to the third, he says "Well, every morning at 5 I p*ss like a racehorse, and then around 6 I pass a sizeable ummpie."
The first two ask him why this is cause for complaining, and he answers, "I don't get up until 7"
Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban he say so." Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?" Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed." Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth: "And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora....the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
A Marine Sergeant Major was walking through the mall when he saw a flyer on a bulletin board.
A local research institute was doing experiments with gorilla and human genomes and needed volunteers.
They were looking for a man to, ahem, attempt procreation with a female gorilla. The amount of $500 was printed in a large bold font.
The next day the Marine went to the lab to check things out. A scientist showed off the gorilla as she rested in her cage.
Orbited by flies, she picked her nose and scratched her butt and growled.
After some thought, the Sergeant Major told the researcher- “I’ll do it with 3 conditions”.
“What are they?”
“First - no hugging and kissing. Gonna just take care of business.”
“Second - I’m not spending the night. Got other things to do.”
“Fine” said the scientist. “What’s the third thing?”
The Marine blushed a bit then said -
“Uh....Um....I don’t have the full $500. Could I give you $250 today and the rest on payday?”
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