Posted on 11/21/2014 6:19:27 AM PST by Citizen Zed
My favorite heartwarming Thanksgiving story involves a 24-pound frozen turkey that a strange woman hid between her thighs.
We never knew her name. But what does a name matter?
They'd fill carts with turkeys and sweet potatoes and so on, then stand in great lines that snaked from the front to the back wall.
And we kids bagged, making tight corners, hardly ever looking up, the only thing we knew was that the groceries would never stop coming down that conveyor.
But then I heard Aunt Fannie say in her accented English, "Miss? Where's the turkey?"
A rather large woman, well over 6 feet tall and 200 pounds, had an order of celery, bread stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberries and so on. But no turkey.
"You forgot the TURKEY?" asked Aunt Fannie, all 5 feet 3 inches of her, hands on her hips, peering up at the giantess. "Where's the turkey?"
The frozen Butterball thunked to the floor.
Aunt Fannie started yelling for my dad and uncle, "Spiro! George! She's stealing turkey! She's stealing turkey! Stop!!"
And the large woman, astonished, hands waving, fingers fluttering as if struck by some spirit, kept shrieking "Jesus! How did that turkey get there? Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!"
Meanwhile the turkey kept skittering, sliding toward the front door, triggering the pad that opened the automatic exit, before sliding out on to the sidewalk. It nicked the curb and flipped out onto 55th Street toward the Chinese restaurant.
"Jesus!" said the woman, who started running. She had the decency to leave the turkey where it fell.
I took a shopping bag and went out and rescued the turkey. It was still quite cold. What did we do with it?
I can't say. That was an executive decision. And I was just a kid.
(Excerpt) Read more at my.chicagotribune.com ...
I used to live in Chicago and remember when this was a news story. Thanks for the laugh.
Lass is one of the better reporters in Chicago. I’ve met him. A bit of a jerk, but a solid reporter on matters of Illinois politics.
Sounds like an urban legend (and people love to cite them as personal experience in newspapers, makes for lively press).
People DO “boost” such items though.
Around here, there was a guy who went into a store and got a ham out of the meat case. He wrapped it in a blanket he’d brought and tried to make it out of the store with the ham in his arms, holding a baby bottle to its “mouth.” He didn’t make it.
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I remember hearing a similar story 50 years ago. Still funny!
I’m OK with turning off Javascript but is the vomiting part really necessary? :=)
I remember that! Now I wonder if that’s where the local guy got his inspiration, LOL.
It doesn’t link to the story.
Citizen Zed post 12 was for you, not Ruy Dias de Bivar.
I guess you can always google the story.
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