Posted on 08/01/2017 7:26:07 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Subject: Measuring A Flagpole
Ray and Bob, two Government mechanical engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up .. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole", said Bob, "But we don't have a ladder."
The woman said, "Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox."
She loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down. She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away.
Ray shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a 'Miss-know-it-all' woman?" he said. "We need the height and she gave us the length!"
Bob and Ray are still working for the Government.
_________________________________________________________
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private “OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.
Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a Marine from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired...
"How much for a season pass sir?"
God bless the USMC!
In 1923, Who Was:
1. President of the largest steel company? 2.. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the world’s most successful of their days.. Now, 80 years later do you know what ultimately became of them?
The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab,died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
4 The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.
6 The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.
However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen. What became of him? He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.
The Moral:
F#%k work. Play golf.
Remember the gas shortage in 1972? This caused speed limits on federal highways to be dropped to 55 mph. As it turns out, Texas put up the new signs 6” too low. The state had to go back and raise all of the signs because the Feds said they would lose their federal funding if they didn’t. This caused one Texan to say:
Look at the bright side. If the Feds had done it, they would have lowered the highway 6”.
Sadly, I think they’re right.
A married couple is taking a stroll in the park.
Wife: ‘Darling, do you see Sarah over there? When she comes closer praise her dress.’
Husband: ‘That’s nice. Do you want to make her feel good?’
Wife: ’Quite the contrary, dear. Two days ago I told her you had no taste in clothes.’
***
Pre-school. Little Johnny is staring at the teacher’s manicure and tells her:
“Miss Johnson, you have such long nails...”
“Oh, yes. Do you like them?”
“I do. I guess they’re great for climbing trees”.
***
Little Johnny is knocking on his neighbour’s door: “Could you keep my toys in your house for some time, Mrs. Robbins?”
“Well, yes, but why, Johnny?”
“My parents have just brought home a newborn brother. There’s no saying yet what kind of person he is.”
LOL.......
Oldie but goody: A nun from the nursing home ran out of gas. At the gas station, the attendant told her the gas can was not available-—she’d have to wait.
She had a bedpan in her car so she filled it w/ gas and walked over to fill her tank. One passerby commented: “If that car starts, I’m converting to Catholicism.”
Down east Maine
Tourist: Hello, old timer. You live around here all your life?
Mainer: Not yet.
IOW, we’ll never see the end of obamy.
I remember seeing the gas lines on tv but there was never a shortage in our area of Texas.
#8 There was no shortage any where else until the federal gov’t got involved and created an artificial shortage just like obamacare was and is doing for healthcare.
good catch!!!
That’s Jesse Livermore. His pseudonymous autobiography, “Reminiscences of a Stock Operator”, is actually very interesting reading.
And I believe the wheat speculator was Arthur Cutten, Livermore’s longtime rival.
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