Posted on 09/30/2017 12:49:02 PM PDT by BJ1
But slowly, over the course of six years, our physical relationship dwindled to nothing. I buried it because I had no idea how to talk about it, let alone fix it. Those years were pre-internet and pre-social media; I couldn’t simply tap my problem into Google and find answers.
It’s agonising to be in a relationship full of love and lacking in sex. It’s a tragedy, in fact, or it was for me. And a sexless relationship carries a lot of shame. Just as having too much sex is taboo, so is having none.
I kept quiet. Instead, my repressed sexuality took on a life of its own, and I dreamed of sexy trysts with other men, and, being a writer, these dreams went down on paper in the form of a novel, The Tryst, published later this week.
Of course, we split up, eventually. When a couple isn’t having sex, especially a younger couple, the frustrated energy has to go somewhere. It usually ends up going outside the relationship, and it did.
He had an affair — galling, given our situation — and that was the end of things. I was 41. I ran away and regrouped. What followed was a decade of sexual seeking and exploration, a campaign of self-education.
My mission was never again to fall into this no-sex relationship trap. What had happened and why? I was determined to find out. I allowed myself to be a guinea pig, and took many bold and courageous leaps. In doing so I tried everything, and today, aged 52, I’m much more sexually confident.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
“Got any single female friends who believe similarly, lol?”
Or married or anything?
Amy Schumer said it best.
“I used to date an Arab guy,
but now I’m into *consensual* sex.”
“You get married because you love someone, and think they make the world a better place. You share your soul with them, and you work to be better and more purposeful people together.”
Then you find out that the philandering lush is cheating and she leaves - several years after that you discover that she aborted YOUR child so she could continue to live that life.
Yeah, ain’t love grand. That BITCH !
No, I’m not bitter. . . . .
Snoot
“My wife and I solved this problem on our wedding day when we both said “I do.”
She is my wife, my lover, my confidant, my friend. We have treated each other this way for 28 years.”
You are just getting started. Check back in when you hit 56 years and tell us how sanguine you are.
And once they find a “keeper”, they will mysteriously become pregnant. As you can tell, I am a cynic on this subject anymore.
It sounds like you need to find some new friends.
“NASA needs couples like this for the trip to Mars”
I’m claustrophobic but I might as well be on the damn thing.
bump
Nice list. Has nothing to do with a sexless marriage. A person could do everything right and the other does not want affection or sex.
Agree-I’ve found that a man is perfectly happy with both of us being equals/co-alphas in the relationship if I just tune in emotionally to what he needs-otherwise, you have a frustrating battle of wills that never stops-it worked for MrT5 and I very well, even though I’m a Latina and he was 100% Canadian French-two volatile tempers in one place...
A few years after MrT5 died, my first lover as a grownup from college-whom I still call Nemesis-had become single and wanted us to reconnect-although he is still the kind of fine, muy macho cowboy that I like (can’t stand wusses or metrosexuals-they are a major turnoff), I didn’t think we wanted the same things, so I resisted. He responded by practically stalking me for almost a year-I finally gave in, we set some ground rules to fit the people we are now. That was 7 months ago-although there have been a few rough patches, but he is my man now, and yes, I do cater to him-I don’t care who knows or likes it.
We have both been living alone in the years since we became single again and are rather used to our independence-so he lives and works in town and I live and work here in BFE-we take turns staying at one another’s places. We cook together sometimes, but most times I cook for him. We aren’t married, but I’m his woman in a committed relationship that we both decided on when we knew we wanted to try again and succeed at what we screwed up when we were young-so far, so good...
“But who lost interest in whom?”
What is a body to do when one partner loses all libido/physical ability to engage? Something has to give. Another friend would like to know.
Bingo! What a catch you are!
Most couples have never read a book together, non fiction.
If no new healthy ideas are being introduced, the bad media will bring you down. Books make you both grow. Nothing else will.
Wonder she has a “career” after that statement.
“But slowly, over the course of six years, our physical relationship dwindled to nothing. I buried it because I had no idea how to talk about it, let alone fix it.”
Something I have noticed is that women demand men maintain the fairy tale heated passion of the first year or so. That period of time when you can not keep your hands away from each other. When that passion cools, and it does, it is usually the woman who decides “you don’t love me anymore” and the marriage goes to hell.
People need to realise that fairy tale passion is impossible to maintain for years on end.
In the normal course of things passion cools while love deepens.
It happened for my wife and I just that way. The sex became less frequent but the deep comfortable love became more evident.
We went from every night to two or three times weekly but on those two or three nights the passion was still there.
The rest of the time a kiss, peck on the cheek or gentle caress was conveyed our love for each other just fine and was just as meaningful as the nights of passion.
I am sorry that happened.
That's for sure.
I’m not a psychotherapist, and in retrospect I hardly knew myself sexually, so I didn’t give it much thought. ... What had happened and why? I was determined to find out.
...and the conclusion from reading it is that she learned a lot, and still lacks a clue.
Sigh. Even the last paragraph would be fantastic.
“Yes, those feminist tools living in their parents’ basements, watching illicit material all day long certainly have it made.”
All too many cases of hot, attractive, intelligent, personable and downright nice women make mediocre choices in the first place. Marry nice and successful but casper milquetoast type guys. Eventually, the light bulbs go off in their heads.
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