Test your Tree Knowledge

A REDNECK FROM ALABAMA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN HE GETS TO OOLTEWAH, TENN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!

HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."

THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.

THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!!

ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN.. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?"

BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST."

THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, ANOTHER FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE.

HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!" THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.

HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS.

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A SHIT BEHIND IT!"

You need a sense of humor to work in a nursing home ~ that is for sure!!!!

MY PRIVATE PART DIED

An old man, Mr.. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.

'Yes, Nurse Tracy, ' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr.. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?' (You've gotta love this.)

'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!

The Log Inspector

A redneck from Alabama decides to travel across the south to Virginia to see God’s Country. When he gets to Oolteway, TN, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But, first he must find a job! He walks into the International Paper Company office and fills out an application as an experienced log inspector. It’s his lucky day! They just happen to be looking for someone.

First, however, he must take a ride with the Log Foreman through the forest in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree and says, “See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains.” The redneck promptly answers, “That thar’s a White Pine, 383 board feet of lumber in ‘er.”

The foreman is impressed! He puts the truck in motion and stops about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger window and asks the same question. This time’s it’s a bigger tree of a different class. The redneck promptly answers, “That a Loblolly Pine, 456 clear board feet.”

The foreman is REALLY impressed now with the Good ‘Ol Boy. He has been quick and got the answers right without using a calculator! One more test. The drive a little further down the road and the foreman stops again. He points across the road through his driver’s side window and says, “And, what about that one?” Before the foreman finishing pointing, the redneck says, “242 board feet at best.”

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office, a little ticked off because he thinks the redneck is smarter than he is. As they near the office, near the office, another foreman stops the truck and asks “Bubba” to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and says, “See that tree over there? I want you to mark an “X” on the front of that tree!” The foreman thinks to himself, “Idiot, how would he know which is the front of the tree?”

When Bubba reaches the tree, he walks around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and marks a white “X” on the trunk. He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. “That thar’s the front.”, the redneck says. The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, “How do you know that’s the front of the tree?”

The Good ‘Ol Boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, “Cuz somebody took a dump behind it!”

Edited it and formatted it for you.

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