My Gran needed around the clock care that neither of her kids could afford, and both were still working full time. She was in a home that is an eight minute drive from my house, and I was there with her at least once a week depending on how I felt, because dialysis wiped me out. My Mom saw her at least once a week, mostly twice, and my Aunt would see her at least once a week. I saw her every Wednesday or Thursday depending on my dialysis schedule, but went more often when I could. My current husband went with me a couple of times before she passed, and my ex-fiancee went with me frequently to visit her.
It was not physically or economically possible. Gran had a stroke and was half paralyzed, on top of the emphysema and her requirement of an oxygen tank, not to mention that she was quite heavy and difficult to assist on the toilet. She needed nurses 24/7 and, as stated, even all of the grandkids, kids, and in-laws together couldn’t afford it.
You’re terribly judgmental. None of us wanted it, but it was the only option we had. My Mom was a service coordinator at that home previously, so we knew that place inside and out. She was also far less depressed after moving in, because she actually had a social life. When she was at home, she would sit home alone and smoke two packs of cigarettes daily while watching broadcast TV. She never had a driver’s license (she refused to learn), and got mugged walking to the 7/11 down the block. Twice. Eventually, she could no longer walk that distance, and we could only see her once a week, because she lived an hour away, deep in Chicago’s former Polish neighborhood (it’s all Latin now).
You, my friend, are a douche.
Yes the other party did not say it nicely. However where there is a will there is a way. When my father i. law got out of ICU we moved him into our house. I slept on a couch outside his door with a baby monitor in his room and was instantly there any time he moved. I did this while working full time and shared duties with my husband who was also working full time. And we had a 6 year old. It depends on your priorities. Most people in nursing homes could be cared for by relatives