Colonoscopies are No Joke

email from friend | 10/24/2020 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:

13.. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

[sodpoodle]

(attached to a Dave Barry article)

[Stepan12]

I threw up at my colonoscopy. Not to mention the preparation for it. I was having to eat that lousy food and drink that slimy beverage which made me rush to the bathroom to defecate every ten seconds.

[UB355]

I was knocked out, just had a nice nap.

[eastforker]

Just wait till you have to have a biopsy from your prostate, now that is an experience you will never forget.

[central_va]

I threw up at my colonoscopy.

Wrong hole Doc.

[Mouton]

I was referred to a specialist and at the get to know you he was asking the usual medical history questions when he asked, when was your last one. I said my last one will be my next. He kept trying to cajole me into getting one. I said I am 75, no family history and I plan on getting one the day after I die.

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

I was apprehensive about the first one mainly not looking forward to how I would feel after it all. The next day I felt like I expected to but directly after it I felt like I could leap tall buildings. Whatever they gave me was that awesome. I had a good day.

Not that concerned about my next one in a month but I’m scheduled to have a drive through COVID test a few days before it. Since it is for a colonoscopy I sure hope the don’t make me stick my rear end out of the car window. And if it’s positive, will they make me wear a mask down there too?

[bayliving]

The prep for my colonoscopy was FAR WORSE than the actual colonoscopy itself.

[laweeks]

I had one of those last year, and I will agree that I never felt so much pain.

[eastforker]

My PSA’s were very high, had the big C, prostate removed, now cancer free.

[drellberg]

I am 61. My father had issues that I am genetically disposed to exhibit as well. So I have had three of these already, with the prospect of another five or six. (The technology is improving.)

Suck it up folks and get the colonoscopy. You owe it to yourself and to your families. It’s unpleasant but in ways that many things in life are. The actuality is not nearly as bad as what people imagine.

[animal172]

Thanks. I just spewed coffee all over my keyboard. Will have to show your post to She Who Must be Obeyed.

[mellow velo]

Yep. I've had 4 over the years. The initial part of the prep during the day prior sucks. No solid food; drinking only Gatorade, clear juice, broth .. or eating only Jello gets tiresome.

And then the night before when the real prep starts. I don't think I've chugged so much liquid since my college days! Followed by not leaving the bathroom for about 3-4 hours. Ugh.

As soon as I get home afterwards, I eat everything in sight!

[depressed in 06]

...just had a nice nap.

I asked for 30 minutes more.

[Vermont Lt]

I’ve had several. I was never awake during one. That would be weird.

[deport]

The prep for my colonoscopy was FAR WORSE than the actual colonoscopy itself.

************

LOL...... Now you know the procedure any follow ups should
be much easier. Just drink the fluids, put a lot reading material,
your cell phone in the bath room and just enjoy the peace and
quite for a few hours amid the wiping.

[oldvirginian]

A colonoscopy should be childs play compared to hemorrhoid surgery.
I had the Back Door SliceOmatic done in my early 50’s.
Talk about life changing!
I did find out that there is not one thing that we as humans do that doesn’t involve the anus to some degree.
Try coughing, sneezing, even moving at all without involving the anal sphincter.
Can’t be done.
During my convalescence I steadfastly swore that I would never again eat solid food so I wouldn’t have to have that first painful bowel movement.
That is how painful hemorrhoid surgery is.

For those smart Alecs out there, yes I did return to a normal diet. YOU try the surgery and try your jokes on yourself. :-)

[silent majority rising]

All those things are true, but it saved my life when they found colon cancer. I strongly recommend that anyone over 50 or with any symptoms at all get one.

[central_va]

The fill you up with air. When I woke up a pretty nurse told me to go a ahead and fart out the gas. Don’t be shy.. LOL

[GranTorino]

I woke up and tried to watch the monitor, then tried to put the male nurse in a choke-hold.
I will stick with cat scans until they need to remove a polip.