Posted on 12/20/2020 4:28:13 PM PST by BipolarBob
HOUSTON, TX—Joel Osteen is a prolific author, having instructed his ghostwriter to pen dozens of bestselling books over the course of his career. Now, he's got a new book that's set to top the New York Times Bestseller List: Live Your Best Life Now by Taking Millions in Small Business Aid from the Government.
The book will teach Christians to name and claim up to $4 million in small business aid, allowing them to use their positive mental energy to redirect the loans from businesses who desperately need it to their own lives and ministries.
"Are you struggling to make the payment on your mansion or your third yacht? This is the book for you," Osteen said in a promotional trailer released today. "Learn how you can claim victory over the PPP program and get millions of dollars redirected from locked-down restaurants, gyms, and hair salons to your massive ministry or megachurch."
Osteen said the book is based on principles he's learned over the past nine months of lockdowns and pandemic restrictions. "I said to myself, 'Self, what are you going to do here? Are you going to sit down and let the government lockdowns hurt the profitability of your ministry? No. No siree Bob.' Then, I shouted declarations of victory over the distribution of the funds, and the next thing I knew, there was a massive check in the mail."
"Yes, Lord, thank you for your blessings!" he said as he prepared to dive into his giant pile of cash, safe and sound thanks to the small business aid he'd named and claimed.
Honestly, this guy is going to burn in hell
The Bee is a lot more truth than satire.
“Joel Osteen is a prolific author”
Joel Osteen is a prolific scam artist
There fixed it
When is his book coming out, “God Loves Me Much More Than He Loves Me.”
Maybe he can get a side job with Colgate selling toothpaste.
Here are the titles of three of Joel Osteen‘s ‘Inspiration Cube’ messages:
“I want to encourage you...to send your tax refund to me.”
“We all have needs. I need another jet. Please help.”
“Think big! Think about giving me a big amount of money.”
(Just kidding - maybe.)
Dave Ramsey is advising real churches NOT to take PPP loans. Don’t give the state strings with which to manipulate you.
Why Churches Should NOT Take The PPP Loan From The Government!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NhKH91nvJg
That’s for real. Son of a....
40 bucks! You can buy a Magic 8 Ball for 13.99 at Walmart....
Or the Sarcastic 9 Ball. Is the 9 Ball better than the 8 Ball?
"Ask someone who cares".
Well, that's not a very good attitude, 9 Ball.
“Maybe he can get a side job with Colgate selling toothpaste...”
He really *does* have the whitest a young guy could ever come across, doesn’t he?
Still pissed he refused to help people during the hurricane. I get it they had a little water in the front of the “church”. But he could have put people safely in there. He’s absolutely a terrible person using religion for his own gain.
Unless hell rejects him for being a horrible human.
Look at it from his perspective. It could be anybody that came in under those circumstances. What kind of preacher would let in and associate with prostitutes and tax collectors? What would God think of that?
That’s a good one!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.