Friday Funnies

A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher.

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

‘I asked them, ‘ If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’

‘NO!’ the children answered.

‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, the answer was ‘NO!’

‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, they all answered ‘NO!’

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’

A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’

A curious people, the Irish.
Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “ Dark in here .”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a baseball.”
Man - “That’s nice.”
Boy - “Want to buy it?”
Man - “No, thanks.”
Boy - “ My dad’s outside .”
Man - “OK, how much?”
Boy - “$250.00”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - “ Dark in here .”
Man - “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy - “$750.00”
Man - “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy - “$1,000”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and
make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “ Dark in here.”

The priest says , “ Don’t start that shit again.”

True story here.

When I was in grade school, the janitor would monitor the boys bathroom and constantly badger us about putting the toilet seat up before we took a leak.

I was in my mid-20s when they built a basketball court beside my old grade school. I’d go there and play pick-up games every so often.

One day I had to use the bathroom really bad and the school was just closing, so I thought I’d slip in and do my business. As I came down the hall to the bathrooms, I passed the old janitor. I wondered if he recognized me, but he showed no sign of it.

At that time I had been married a few years and it was just habit to put the toilet seat down after I used the bathroom.

As I came out of the bathroom, I saw the janitor go in behind me. I’d gotten maybe 30 ft down the hallway when he peeked his head out of the door and yelled, “Never learned a thing I told you, did ya?!”

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