Skip to comments.The 100 Worst “Groaners”
Posted on 06/04/2003 8:31:44 PM PDT by Hillary's Lovely Legs
The 100 Worst Groaners
|A groaner is a hackneyed, overblown, stuffy or just plain silly cliché that turns up time after time in news scripts. Groaners show laziness on the part of writers, disrespect for the folks watching, and a general contempt for lively English. Here are some of the worst offenders. Youll recognize them immediately, so get ready to groan!
Aftermath - Print words dont belong in spoken copy. Do you know anyone who says aftermath in normal conversation? When we were kids, aftermath came recess.
Against the Backdrop - Are you writing copy or painting theater scenery? Leave the backdrops to the carpenters. If you want to explain the facts behind a story, explain them, period. You don't have to say, "The President's visit to the Middle East comes against the backdrop of renewed fighting." Why not try, "The President is arriving in the Middle East just as new fighting breaks out."
Allegations - I deny the allegations... and I deny the alligator! This bloated substitute for claims, charges or accusations is as bad as allegedly. Nobody in real life uses it. Unless theyve been watching too much TV news.
Allegedly - NOBODY, not even cops and district attorneys, NOBODY in real life says allegedly in regular conversation. Do you tell your neighbor that someone allegedly broke into your house? Do you tell your buddy that the mayor allegedly took a bribe? Why then, would you say such a thing to your television neighbors?! If youre worried about legal protections, try these alternatives: Police say Jones broke into the store. Prosecutors are claiming Smith embezzled the money. The U.S. Attorney says the Congressman took a bribe.
Amid, Amidst - Print words. Newspapers may get away with them, as substitutes for in the middle of, but we write for the ear... and any ear that hears amidst will soon be telling the brain to click the remote.
Area residents. Shhh, Tommy, dont play the drums so loud, youll wake the area residents! Normal people dont refer to their neighbors this way. Why should we?
Arraigned - Yes, its a formal court procedure and you dont want to mess with it. Just one problem. You may know what arraigned means, but Joe Sixpack thinks it means he needs an umbrella. Courtroom stories are complicated enough. Dont make things worse with terminology designed by, and intended for bureaucrats. Ditch the term. Use the EXPLANATION of the term instead. Say the guy appeared in court. Say he faced a judge. Say he was formally charged. Say how he pleaded. Dont say arraigned.
Authorities Say - see Officials Say
Botched Robbery, Robbery Gone Bad - Like unsuccessful suicide, this is just plain silly. If some punk tries to rip off a 7-Eleven, and the cops show up, so he takes hostages, thats not a robbery gone bad. It was bad at the start. We dont need to feel sorry for the idiot who botched his chance to empty the cash register and decided to become a kidnapper. Lets just say what happened, and leave the judgments to the folks watching.
Campaign Trail - What, exactly, is a campaign trail, anyway? Are there covered wagons? Does Campaign Cookie rustle up Campaign Grub? Do folks munch Campaign Trail Mix as they warble yippieiocayay through the precincts? Why do writers feel a compulsion to use this terrible term? Just say where the candidate is, and get on with it.
Center Stage - Very theatrical, and about as bad as its evil twin, In The Spotlight. Very non-conversational. Insulting, too. When a story is truly important, there's no need for a cliche to tell us, "hey, this story is important!" Avoid the collective duh!! from the folks watching. Get into the story quickly, tell the facts, and let viewers decide for themselves.
Chanting Slogans - Ah, those wonderful memories of all those protest marches where we bellowed, A Stitch in Time Saves Nine! Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be! "You're In Good Hands With Allstate!" If demonstrators are shouting something important, say what it is.
Clash With Police - The cops wore blue and the rioters wore purple. A serious faux-pas before Labor Day. Stripes and checks clash. Cops and mobs FIGHT, and we should say so.
Clean Bill of Health - (Ever see a dirty one?). This little gem barely qualifies as conversational, even for a trip to the doctors office (whats wrong with The doctor says hes fine?) It sounds flat-out ridiculous for bigger, less specific things, like the state of the economy.
Clinging to Life - Narrow escapes, traffic accidents and serious illnesses seem to generate Cliche Hell (more groanable examples: Fighting For His/Her Life; Lucky To Be Alive). Once upon a time, this stuff may have communicated a true sense of urgency. Now it just communicates a sense of bad writing. Use them on a friend and hell probably laugh in your face and say, Who are you, Ted Baxter?
Death toll - A silly way to refer to the number of dead. Does someone ring a heavenly bell every time a person dies? Does a heavenly nickel get dropped in the fare box on some celestial highway? Maybe up there. Down here we speak plain English.
Details Are Sketchy - How many times have you seen this one on a breaking story (or its ugly cousins, Its Not Known, and Its Not Clear)? These are highfalutinyetsilly terms. And they all mean the same thing. You dont know everything just yet. Whats wrong with saying that? We dont have all the details yet, but....? Be honest with people. Frame it in the positive if you wish: Heres what we know...
Embroiled - Yum! Get out the barbecue sauce! Someones embroiled in a scandal! Put out the fire, stop blowing smoke, and explain why the Senators in trouble.
Envoy - Every time a diplomat travels to some global hotspot to try and cool things off, he becomes a special envoy. If its his real title, thats one thing. Usually, though, hes Special Assistant to the First Assistant Deputy Undersecretary for Middle Eastern Affairs, and the newspapers need a shorthand way to refer to him. Typically, they pick the most non-conversational term they can find. Whats wrong with diplomat or even messenger?
Estranged - Yes, this is a convenient little term for not-quite-divorced husbands and wives. Trouble is, no one in real life ever says, Peg and I cant take it anymore. Were estranged. No one has a trial estrangement. If a couple is separated, say so.
Famed - Mommy, mommy, I just saw somebody famed over there! When did famous become a dirty word?
Fell to his death - Cant you just see the poor guy, toppling out the window, hurtling toward the pavement, looking down and exclaiming Hey, whaddaya know! Theres my death, right down there! People fall down and are killed.
Fighting for His/Her Life - see Clinging to Life
Firestorm of Controversy - Whoa! Get out the flame-retardant umbrellas! Non-conversational, and bad hyperbole, all rolled into one. Just explain what the controversy is, without the brimstone.
First leg of - Whether its a mission on the space shuttle, or a Presidential visit to the Middle East, newswriters cant seem to resist breaking down the trip into legs, instead of parts, countries, orbits or what have you. Theres only one place where this phrase belongs: The first leg of the centipede appears broken.
Fled on Foot - Coptalk for ran away. No coptalk allowed.
Flurry Of Activity - Not unless youre the weathercaster, and its beginning to snow. There are plenty of less stuffy ways to say someones busy.
For The Second Time In As Many Days - Bad enough we bore folks. Now were making them do math. Ten years ago, someone must have thought this phrase was clever. Overuse has taken care of that. Simplicity and clarity rule today. If there were two earthquakes in two days, say so
Fueling, Fueled by - Are you pulling up to the pump? When were talking gasoline, fine. Dont use this silly device to explain someones motivation (His success is fueled by driving ambition... Ecch!) or to describe the progress of a story (The Governor's slurred speech is fueling speculation that he's seriously ill.)
Hamper and Damper. (not to be confused with Hekyll and Jekyll, who didnt write too well, either). Somehow, rescues and investigations are never just difficult. Theyre hampered by rough terrain or reluctant witnesses. And youd be amazed how many drive-by shootings put a damper on block parties. Dump the bloated language, and just tell folks whats going on
Heating up - If youre referring to soup, maybe. Unfortunately, this term seems to show up every time we get within three weeks of an election. Dont insult peoples intelligence. They understand what a close race means. If its not a close race, dont say it is.
Held Talks - The President and the British Prime Minister held talks at the White House. When you and your co-workers gather in the conference room, are you holding talks? When you call someone into your office, is it to hold talks? And when you cant get in to see the boss, does his secretary say hes holding talks? A meeting is a meeting is a meeting. People meet. Even in the White House.
Here At Home - A cliche AND a bad transition, all rolled into one! This is the lazy mans way of getting from a plane crash in Cairo to a car crash on I-95. Know what? A person hearing this is likely to say, What do they think I am, an idiot? Like I dont know my own backyard isnt in Egypt?!
Hospitalized - Bathrooms get sanitized. Shirts get Martinized. People do not get hospitalized. Theyre in the hospital.
Hostilities - Bad enough the two countries are shooting at each other. Heck, they may even be at war. Do they have to go and get hostile too?
Hot Seat - Sounds painful, even with asbestos underwear. Why are folks so reluctant to simply say, The Senators in trouble tonight?
In The Line Of Duty - Coptalk. Noble as it may sound, this is not normal conversational English. Whats wrong with saying the police officer was killed on the job?
In the Spotlight - See Center Stage
In The Wake Of - Boats have wakes. Dead people have wakes. Stories dont. An event happens after, right after, immediately after another event, not in the wake of it.
It - Nit-picking, you say? After all, who could have anything against a sweet, innocent little word like it? Trouble is, too many writers abuse this word, to begin scripts with artificial hype: Its been called the second worst paper cut accident in the past ten weeks!! Its a parents worst nightmare! (what would a best nightmare be?) Its the biggest thing to hit the Southland since Arnold Schwarzenegger bought a Hum-vee! All that before you ever tell your viewers what the devil youre talking about. Its simply unfair. Its a cheat. Youre not informing, youre teasing, keeping your audience waiting, when theyve already suffered through umpteen real
teases, waiting to hear the story. Dont do it.
Its Not Known, Its Not Clear - see Details Are Sketchy
Killing Spree. Websters says a spree is a lively frolic. Mass murder is not a spree. Its mass murder.
Lay the Groundwork - Doesnt anybody prepare anymore? Too many writers cling to these phrases (Set The Stage is another example) when talking about politics, foreign policy, war and peace, etc., as if big phrases made a story important. Important facts make a story important. References to theater and construction belong in stories about theater and construction.
Local. Ask a New Yorker. Local means the subway makes three stops, instead of one, to get to 59th Street. Dont use phrases like, A local man is in jail tonight or He was rushed to a local hospital. If the guys birthplace or the hospitals street address matters, say so. If not, dont waste viewers time.
Lucky to be Alive - See Clinging to Life.
Major Breakthrough. Seems some folks cant write a medical story without this little bit of redundancy. By definition, theres no such thing as a minor breakthrough, any more than theres such a thing as a miniature Sumo wrestler.
Manhunt. First of all, no one thought it was a foxhunt! Second, this is Cop-talk Supreme. Non-conversational, and sexist to boot. A search is a search.
Marred. Unfortunately, some writers cant resist describing that inevitable Christmas car crash that marred the holiday spirit. Never mind that someone was killed, hey, were DEPRESSED now! Leave a wet glass on the armoire, and the furniture gets marred. Thats about it.
Mastermind. Anytime theres more than one mugger/bank robber/con artist working together, we reward the guy in charge with this silly title, instead of just saying he planned the crime. Look, Professor Moriarty outwitting Sherlock Holmes, thats a mastermind. Some creep who sticks a gun in a tellers face... no way.
Motorists. Where have all the drivers gone? Dont fall into the DMV Handbook trap.
The Nations Midsection. As opposed to The Nations Hind Quarters? The Nations Solar Plexus? The Nations Erogenous Zones? Can you think of a dumber way to say its raining in Chicago?
Officials Say - Dont cheat the audience with this cheap trick, or its tacky counterpart, Authorities Say. WHICH officials/authorities are saying it? Name a name, give a title, or just find another way. This overused piece of news camouflage only tells viewers, We didnt bother to find out. Is that what you want to say?
On Hand, On The Scene - Silly, outmoded jargon for there. How many of your friends talk this way? Hey, Pete! I went to this party, and guess what? Tom Hanks was on hand!
Pedestrians - DMV babble. They were people before they stepped off the curb. Theyre people after they step off the curb.
Plagued - Isnt it funny how politicians arent troubled by scandals anymore? Theyre plagued! Pharaoh seeing frogs in his oatmeal... thats a plague. Anywhere else... dump it.
Plunge, Plummet - Ever notice that nobody just falls anymore? Newtons Law applies. No matter what word you use, you hit the ground just as hard, so keep it simple.
- Non-conversational shortcut for saying A led to B (The arrest prompted a new investigation) Lets keep the prompters in the studio and the plain talk on the air. How about, Because of the arrest, the D.A. is taking another look at the case?
Rank and File - an old-fashioned print term for union members. Frequently used by union organizers, shop stewards, labor negotiators, and managers who tend to think of workers as a large, faceless mass. Ever notice that rank and file has nothing human in it? These are hardworking PEOPLE were talking about! Say so.
Recent memory - Its the bloodiest massacre in recent memory. Admit it. Why do you say recent memory? Because you dont remember! You dont know if its the worst disaster in 10 years, 15 years or 45 minutes! But you dont want to tell your viewers that, so you fudge. All youre really doing is telling them how bad your research staff is. If you dont know the right number, go find out, or find another way to tell the story.
Reduced to rubble - Ever see a storm/hurricane/tornado/riot story without this one? Sounds like someone turned on a ray gun and suddenly, Poof! Rubble! (Honey I Shrunk the Town?) Tell folks that homes were destroyed, describe what the place looks like. Leave the reducing to Weight Watchers.
Reportedly - Do you know anyone, anywhere on the planet, who uses reportedly in normal conversation? If someone is reporting something, say so. If youre using this tired device to shift blame in case youve made a factual error, shame on you.
- Typical day-after-disaster nonsense. As if whole towns can be seen walking down earthquake, flood or hurricane-ravaged streets, spinning and spiraling as they go. Please. Reels are for fishing poles. Just say what the people are doing.
Robbery Gone Bad - see Botched Robbery
The Search is On - As if saying Police are looking for an escaped killer isnt urgent enough, some writers make it sound like a day at the track, using this ugly cousin to The Race is On. Unnecessary, and just plain silly.
Seen Here - As in, Evander Holyfield, seen here on the left with the missing ear.... Nobody in real life says seen here to identify someone. Imagine your Aunt Tillie, showing those vacation slides: And your Uncle Ed, seen here falling off the pier... Whats wrong with saying, Thats him on the left?
Self-Styled - We say to our friends, He calls himself an artist, or, He calls himself an expert. Thats how we should talk to our TV friends.
Set the Stage - see Lay the Groundwork
Sexually Assaulted - This is a delicate subject, especially when a child is involved. But were in the clarity business as much as the truth business, and when someone is raped, molested or whatever, its wrong to fall back on coptalk for the sake of vagueness. We should say what happened, as carefully, tastefully and conversationally as possible. No one, in a real conversation ever says, Oh my God, my sister was sexually assaulted!
Slain - Dragons are slain. People are killed.
Slated - Maybe once upon a time, frequent, regularly scheduled events like rallies, movie openings and Larry King weddings were written on slates. Not these days. Whats wrong with saying The protest will take place on Tuesday?
Sparked - Save the pyrotechnics for the Fourth of July. Events, debates or controversies arent sparked, theyre caused. If somethings been sparked, it had better be an electrical fire, and even there, it sounds a little too cliche, dont you think?
Spectacular Fire - Wow! look at that spectacular fire! There must be 20 people trapped in there! Cool! No matter how calloused we are, lets never use positive-sounding words to describe negative events. The dictionary equates spectacular with thrilling. Fires dont thrill. Fires kill.
Staffer - What do you do for a living? Oh, Im a staffer for the Governor. This horrible contraction has no place in normal spoken English, where regular folks talk about people who work for the Governor, or even people on the Governors staff, but not staffers.
Suffered a Heart Attack/Sustained Minor Injuries - Amazing how many folks out there sustain minor injuries, even though they werent badly hurt.
Coverage - Stuffy, pretentious, and about as non-conversational as you can get. News managers think it conveys a sense of importance. Wrong. Committing the resources to cover the story does that. If your news operation is known for effective coverage of big stories, the hyped language isnt necessary. David Brinkley understood that. His version was short and simple: We have two reports, beginning with Marvin Kalb in Washington. Beautiful, isnt it?
That, according to; this, as. Where have all the verbs gone? Do you talk to your neighbor this way? Hey Bob, Sams getting a new car... that, according to his wife... I hear Marge is going on a diet... this, as her waistline expands...
Torrential Rain. He aint heavy, hes torrential! Weather stories have their own set of overhyped terms, and this is one of the worst. If you cant find a more creative way to describe a storm, youre all wet.
Unanswered questions - Well, duh! Is there another kind of question? Once a question is answered, its not a question anymore! Dont use excess verbiage just to sound rhythmically authoritative. If there are questions, say so. Period.
Under Fire - In wartime, maybe. It is sheer exaggeration and silliness to refer to a troubled Congressman, indicted businessman or controversial mayor this way. If someone is criticizing a person or his ideas, spell it out. Save the ammo for the revolution.
Under Investigation - Fires. Crimes. Watergate. Your local Member of Congress. This horrible device turns up more often than flea powder at a dog show. Throw it away. Do they know the cause of the fire? No. Is someone investigating? Yes. Has the Senator been convicted? Hes still young. Say what you mean, and jettison the excess.
Under Siege - When the Israelites surround ancient Jericho, you can call it a siege. But why must writers turn every political, economic, or social problem into Custers Last Stand?
Underwent Surgery - Only if theyre hospitalized (see above). People HAVE surgery. Doctors OPERATE on them.
Unrest - UnCola. Un-Conversational. Unbelievable that people still use this word in news scripts, when theyd never, EVER use it at home or anywhere else. Angry hordes of citizens dont run unresting through the streets. They riot.
Vehicle - More Coptalk. Is it a car? A truck? A tricycle? Say so.
Vow - The President vows to veto the bill. Politicians make promises. Nuns take vows. And politicians are not... well, nevermind.
Watched in horror - Folks who happen to see a murder/earthquake/Wes Craven movie dont watch in joy, mirth or indifference (well, maybe the movie) so why state the obvious? And why use such an overdone cliche to make an obvious point?
White Stuff. Is there some law against saying snow twice? If there were, the song would go, Let it White Stuff, Let it White Stuff... you get the idea. One enlightened Executive Producer in Los Angeles put out a memo forbidding writers to use this term. Bless her heart.
White Supremacist - Putting aside its obviously non-conversational tone, white supremacist sounds too lofty. Its more than those sleazy lowlifes deserve. Besides, most of them probably dont even know what supremacist means. Its also inherently racist. Somehow we never use supremacist without white before it. Violent radicals of different hues tend to be called separatists, as if no member of any non-white race would dare think in supreme terms, no matter how twisted those terms may be. Unfortunately, no perfect alternative to supremacist seems to exist. Perhaps hater. Your suggestions are welcome.
Wreak Havoc - Bad enough this overblown term shows up in stories about earthquakes and hurricanes. But traffic jams? Do fender-benders really wreak havoc with the morning rush hour? Just tell folks how long theyll be sitting on the Interstate.
Got a great groaner thats not on the list? Send it in!
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"Fell to his death" -- Not unreasonable, as it reasonably consisely makes clear that the fall as instantly fatal. "Fell and was killed" has no such implication; if one was e.g. pushed from a railway platform as a train approached it would be accurate to say the person "fell and was killed", but not that he "fell to his death".
"first leg of" -- What alternative words are as short as "leg"?
"for the nth time in as many days" -- Suggests a daily occurrence more clearly than e.g. "twice in two days" or "thrice in three days". Prevents misreading as "twice daily on each of two days, hence four times total".
The one they missed that really bugs me is, "The SUV drove off the bridge." Or, "A car doing 90 miles an hours evaded police through three counties."
Apparently somewhere in the world there are vehicles driving around all by themselves!
Drat...I thought this was gonna be about sex.
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