BITTER BEANIE BABIES: A tale of "A Drunken Sailor," his ex-wife, and eBay

Best of The Web Today ^ | October 31, 2003 | James Taranto

[L.N. Smithee]

Bitter Beanie Babies
This is a bit of a departure from our usual subject matter, but it's a fascinating window into a dark corner of American culture. Last month a man calling himself "thedrunkensailor," from West Palm Beach, Fla., put a "collection of 26 Beanie Babies from ex-wife" up for auction on eBay. Beanie Babies apparently are small stuffed animals that people collect, some of which are rare and valuable.

"I DO NOT KNOW crap about these things," thedrunkensailor explained (all quotes are verbatim). "Whatever money I make from them will be spent at the local Home Depot on tools and other cool stuff. . . . I understand from a friends wife that people are afraid to get fakes. FAKES? Fake plush toys? I was amazed. I thought people forged money, not childrens toys." He added the following "Final Notice and Disclaimer":

I know nothing about these stuffed Beanie Babies. I offer no proof of anything. It is a stuffed animal, get over it! I don't think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn't know she was having an affair either! Thus no gauruntees!

Thedrunkensailor later added two more comments. The first explained how "a very kind Ebayer" wrote him to say which of his Beanie Babies were valuable. But he added:

I make no claims on value, and to be honest. I am amazed anyine pays more then a dollar a piece for these things. What happened to collecting STAMPS? Pay what you want for them! IT ALL GOES TO HOMEDEPOT !!!!!! and BEER!

But then he heard from someone else:

Okay all you people with nothing better to do! ENOUGH WITH THE EMAILS! I thought I was clear with all that. Here is an Email that I just got from some lady who felt she will try to save my sould or something! Read Below:

Very clever listing; however it is very likely you have some fakes (counterfeits) among the listing and I suggest you pull them from the auctions until you have them authenticated. Humphrey the camel is an example. It is a requirement of eBay as well as unde the provisions of the U.S. Criminal Cpode that a seller know the authenticity of a trademarked item s/he is selling. Also, an authenticated rare beanie will bring lots of money on the auctions. I'll let you know the others that are likely fakes, and further it is very unlikely your ex would have left behind these rare ones. If she had 1000 beanies, she knew what she had and their value. To sell counterfeits of a trademarked item wold make you a common criminal. Are you being honest? If so, cancel the auction, relist the common beanies, and send the rest for authentication. It would be well worth it financially and would make you honest.
Taisha

WELL TAISHA! I don't CARE! I told everyone in the begining everything I know and don't know about these STUPID animals! I ahve an idea for all people that are so worried about this.....DON't BID! I dont care! I am so upset that this clown of a woman figured out my SUPER PLAN TO SCAM MILLIONS FROM THE UNKNOWING BEANIE WORLD! I FIGURED I WOULD RETIRE FROM THIS RUSE! What a dolt she is! I have blocked her from my bidder list, that way she can cry about it. Some people are UNREAL! GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bidding ended Sept. 22, with one "glorybeeto" paying $860 for the lot. We certainly hope thedrunkensailor is enjoying his tools and his beer.

[L.N. Smithee]

I was standing in a KFC waiting on my order reading my daily printout of Taranto's brilliant blog when I read this story and busted up laughing in front of about a dozen people. I had to share it.

[sonserae]

I read it too and sent it to my husband and he was laughing so hard his eyes were watering...

[Mad Dawgg]

Heheh that is a good one!

Here is something I just caught on the web far some more chuckles:

An Ohio State Trooper pulled a car over on I-71 about 2 miles North of Columbus. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Cleveland to do a show that night at the Cleveland Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Trooper he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test.

[Britton J Wingfield]

Bitter Beanie Babies--II
The plot thickens. TraderList.com, "the most complete source of good & bad collectible traders," has a page titled "Complaints Against Drunken Sailor or Steven Kaye," in which "glorybeeto," who paid $860 for thedrunkensailor's collection of Beanie Babies from his ex-wife, complains that the rare items in the set turned out to be counterfeits. (We noted the sale yesterday.)

Glorybeeto, whose real name apparently is J. O'Buck, says she was the eBay user called Taisha who wrote thedrunkensailor to warn him of the possibility of counterfeits (quotes are verbatim):

He printed the message, without the "disclaimer" and "counterfeit" eBay rules I had included, and INCLUDED MY ID. He posted also that he had blocked me from bidding. I had also alerted eBay that the auction should be pulled because it was fraught with disclaimers. eBay paid no attention to its own rule and did nothing. I also alerted eBay that he had posted my ID, which is against eBay rules, and again, nothing was done.

From the tenor of the listing, I believed the seller to be an angry person, upset by his wife leaving him, but did question that if she was such an avid collector why she would leave behind the rare and valuable beanies. I checked his feedback with over 500 positives and no negatives, his "ME" posting, and later his name and address which checked out. Based on this I bid using my glorybeeto ID. I learned later that two friends asked him questions about the beanies and he did not respond. I did not question him with my bidding ID because I felt, in light of his obvious anger, he would block that ID as well. Had the beanies been genuine, the price I bid was very good. I felt I was behind the proverbial rock and a hard place because he could be telling the truth and I would miss out if I did not bid.

Pat Edgerton, a "mediator" for Tradelist, wrote Kaye on glorybeeto's behalf, prompting the following response:

I have no idea who you are, or what your "tradelist" is. I find your comments threatening and offensive. I don't care what J.O.Buck is demanding. I am demanding that you no longer email me. As I told him/her, feel free to call the police, FBI, Postal Inspector, and the Freaking Wildlife Organization that governs Blue Stuffed Elephants.

You must be insane if you think I am going to take you seriously. If this complaint were even slightly valid, he/she should have brought it up through ebay, or paypal. But knowing full well that it has no validity he.she did not.

Last I checked, the "TradeList" was not in any position to threaten me with formal fraud charges. I will forward this email to my attorney as I find it offensive, harassing, and threatening.

If you want to play hard ball, then go get your bat and lets play.

I demand that you NO LONGER EMAIL ME for any reason, unless to apologize.

Our item yesterday prompted this e-mail from reader Bernard Levine:

Drunken Sailor's opening gambit, claiming to know nothing about these items he got in some entertaining and mildly plausible way, is alas a common eBay seller's ploy for presenting either fakes, or mixed lots of fakes and common items. I wouldn't know a beanie baby if it leapt up and bit me on the ankle, but this is certainly true in the collecting arenas I do play in.

All this may be true, but if the TraderList account is accurate, the buyer here can hardly claim to have been defrauded, given that she bought the items knowing full well that the seller didn't vouch for their authenticity. Caveat emptor, we say.

[boomop1]

There is a sucker born every minute.

[japaneseghost]

This is not unusual for Ebay. As an Ebay addict with withdrawal symptoms, I must say that in about 650 purchases I have been ripped maybe 4 times by sellers not telling the truth about the item (beware the Russian dude selling Russian wedding ring shawls - they smell and shed like pubic hair). Also beware of anyone selling "first edition Nancy Drews."

Much more often than getting ripped off on Ebay, I get great bargains by sellers who haven't researched what they have OR because they didn't put the proper buzzwords in the title - like a sterling silver napkin holder for $8, designer vintage clothing at a fifth of the going price, a lovely cashmere sweater with a mink collar for $18, etc.

In this depressed economy, Ebay has some great bargains right now, especially Sterling flatware.

[cavtrooper21]

All this for some cheezy stuffed beanbag toys....
Sheesh!
Now if it was GI Joes, well that another story.... ;^)

[Charles Martel]

Go check out "The Drunken Sailor"'s other auction items. He has a "Thank You" note posted as an auction item - titled: "Buy the Drunken Sailor a Frosty Mug!".

[MD_Willington_1976]

Ah yes Ebay..The biggest polished turd store you can find on the internet !!

Most of what I have seen for sale on there is a lot used crap.

Some stuff is reasonable, but the shipping often outrageous.

later

MD

[bulldogs]

good one!

[dawn53]

The certificates are very clever! This guy should write for a comedy show. Did you read the "shipping info."

Like I said. I will take these copies, stuff them gently into a envelope, and mail it to you. If you in the USA the shippiong will be .37 cents. IF your outside the USA, then you propably don't even speak this language, you can't understand what I am writing, and your horribly confused by all of this. In case you can..it will cost like .80 Cents. SHIPPING OUTSIDE THE USA WILL COST ADDITIONAL! PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR RATE INFO!

[Rebelbase]

Earlier thread.

[Bear_in_RoseBear]

eBay story ping...

[RoseofTexas]

Oh but sometimes you can get a glimpse of your past childhood items, for example, remember the pom-pom silver foil christmas trees, with the turning colored wheel? I saw some of those in ebay and they were priced in the 100's !! Rediculeous! Oh how I wish I had one, I thought those were the MOST beautiful christmas trees in the whole WORLD! Sighhhhh :( Never did bit for one!

[ChemistCat]

I won't bid when the shipping is outrageous, even if the total cost would be a bargain, because in my mind the sellers are trying to rip Ebay off of the fees they are entitled to. I don't like a dog in the manger.

[Timesink]

I have to disagree with Taranto about Traderlist being a "mediator"; they appear to be something closer to extortionists, protection racketeers, or something along those lines that quite possibly violates RICO statutes. Mediators, you see, attempt to mediate. This person merely threatened Drunken Sailor: Send us an email within 24 hours confirming that you will refund glorybeeto's money in full, or else.

I am an Internet Fraud Mediator for the Entire Internet Bad Trader List at www.traderlist.com/caution.html. We are currently investigating a complaint filed by J O'Buck [email redacted]. She purchased beanies from you and some of those which were supposed to be the most valuable, are counterfeit.

Please respond to this email within 24 hours to help resolve this matter. J. O'Buck is demanding a full refund of $918.10 in the form of a Money Order or Certified Check. If a refund is not received, we will add a bad trader page to Traderlist in your name, and we will advise J. O'Buck to begin to pursue Internet and Postal Fraud charges by filing the online FBI Consumer Fraud Report Form at www.ifccfbi.gov, and the online Federal Postal Inspectors Fraud Form. Your case will be assigned a case number, and you will receive a letter from each department. In addition, the Florida Police and Attorney General's Office will be notified.

Ty takes its copyrights very seriously, and you should expect to receive a message or a visit from Ty's Legal Department once we have notified them. They will want to know where you obtained the items, how many you sold, to whom, and how many you have in your possession.

Also, Edgerton sent her (his?) threatening email to Drunken Sailor the same day she/he received the complaint from glorybeeto, so we can presume that no real investigation was done. Glorybeeto was assumed to be telling the 100% truth, and Drunken Sailor was assumed to be 100% guilty. That is NOT mediation, and I suspect it's not totally legal.

Who's telling the truth here, I have no idea. But I do have a feeling that at some point in the future, we'll be reading about Trarderlist ending up answering some law enforcement questions themselves, when they finally push someone who's more than willing to push back.

[Hildy]

As always, someone from Free Republic posted this last week! Free Republic: Always ahead of the curve!

[zip]

ping

[Timesink]

I note that as I type this, Drunken Sailor's eBay approval rating remains at 100%, with 544 responses. Even glorybeeto didn't give him a negative rating!!

And apparently, lots and LOTS of people are buying him free beers!

[reformedliberal]

I am a collector (I am not going to describe my area here). I have made countless purchases on eBay and have had a couple of ocaisions where I was misled or where damage was not disclosed. I have never had a problem getting my money back. In one case, the seller just refunded my money and I returned the item. Another time, I received a major discount and in my area of interest people still pay hundreds of dollars for rare items that are slightly damaged. In a 3rd instance, the described damage was much more major than disclosed and again, a return was effected w/o a problem. Only once was there a deliberate atttempt to defraud and I got a return on that one, too. There is a great deal of competition in this area of collecting and some very knowledgeable sellers and buyers. The values are all backed by numerous reference books by respected experts and several major auction houses regularly hold Live Auctions for these items at prices waaaaaaaaay above the normal eBay auction wins, although non-collectors would surely be shocked at the hammer prices. Even on eBay, some rare items worth 5 figures will go for 20% of their documented value.

You are correct about the silver table service. I occaisionally have bid on 19th century pieces that were just too cheap to pass up.

For my collection, I routinely pay 1/5 of book value. When I eventually sell my collection, someone else will get a treasure, I will make a profit and it will still be below the book value, which, for you non-collectors, is a compilation of relatively recent hammer prices (verified auction results). These are items impossible to fake as they are antique/vintage commercial items w/recognizable features and marks.

There is a lot of junk, too, of course. Caveat emptor.