While most of us think there's a heaven, we differ on the details

The Dallas Morning News ^ | Tue, Nov. 11, 2003 | JEFFREY WEISS

[stylin19a]

as the old song goes....I know there aint no heaven and I pray there aint no hell...

[GeekDejure]

I want a Heaven that doesn't force me to accept 72 pissed off West Virginia lesbians... like the Muzzle-em Paradise promises !!! ;-))

.

[exile]

In my humble opinion, every woman in heaven would look like Laurie Dhue.

[Pete]

Just as there's no consensus on what God is, does or looks like, there is no single model of heaven. While most Americans say they believe in some sort of afterlife, those beliefs don't necessarily tie in with the teachings of any particular religion. Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Baha'i - the list of traditional visions of the world to come is as long as the list of faith traditions.

"No religion is genuine that is not in accordance with truth" - Lactantius

[VOYAGER]

In my humble opinion, every woman in heaven would look like Laurie Dhue.

And every woman in Hell would look like Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi, so many choices available!

Man nor beast should be subjected to this over the line punishment, huh?

[VOYAGER]

In my humble opinion, every woman in heaven would look like Laurie Dhue.

And every woman in Hell would look like Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi, so many choices available!

NO man or beast should be subjected to this over the line punishment, huh?

[LiteKeeper]

read later

[uglybiker]

I truly believe Heaven is a place. And when my beloved Grandmother departed this world last month at the age of 95, I'm positive she set up a kitchen there to feed everybody coming through the Pearly Gates.

Luv ya Grandma. ;-)

[fml]

Okay...but what would you have to look like?

[Dementon]

I'm personally hoping for Valhalla.

[exile]

Being a happenin' dude as I am, I'd just look like good old dashing Exile.

[ItsOurTimeNow]

Pie for breakfast.

Miles Davis musak.

Lots of grass and streams.

No clothes.

And yes...many, many Laurie Dhue's.

[DarthVader]

In hell you would be forced to have sex with Helen Thomas.

[Haddon]

Heaven is a real place. The best site on the web about heaven is Randy Alcorn's (Eternal Perspective's Ministries)
epm.org

[Hatteras]

[exile]

"In hell you would be forced to have sex with Helen Thomas."

In the words of the great Homer Simpson, "Jesus, Allah, Buddah, I love you all!"

[fml]

Nope, not good enough, sorry ya ol'dashing dude, give it another try.

[hershey]

Several years ago, I couldn't attend my mother's funeral in Fla., so when her ashes were buried in Vt., when the ground thawed, I made sure I was there. Unfortunately, I was ten minutes late and saw a pickup truck leaving, shovel rattling in back, saw a priest's car leaving...and knew my stupid brother in law had held the funeral without me. So I'm dragging a few miserable perennials out of the back of my car, beyond fury, and Bill the brother in law, sidled up and said, "Well, it was only you." (and my four kids) He had the grace to look guilty and went on, "Uh, you're mad, aren't you." I opened my mouth to blast him, and my mother said to me (in my head), "What did you expect? He's a jerk. He was always a jerk. He'll die a jerk." My mother, never one to mince words, was dead right about Bill. She went on to say that nothing matters that happens here on earth, and that God forgives everything. She then told me to sit on her grave and talk about her and have a good time. It was one of the best days of my life. What a gift! About heaven, one of my friends, a Seventh Day Adventist, doesn't believe pets have an afterlife. This is ridiculous. It wouldn't be heaven without them.

[elmer fudd]

And every woman in Hell would look like Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi

That wouldn't be so bad. I personally suspect that the women in hell will look like Janet Reno or Andrea Dworkin. The more attractive ones might resemble Rosie O'Donnell. Madellyn Murray O'Hare will undoubtedly be there too.