Rappin' Carjackers Sentenced To Jail (Read The Whole Thing To Check Out These 2 Brainiacs)

Sarasota Herald Tribune ^ | 12/6/03 | Robert Patrick

[dukeman]

BRADENTON (Fla.) -- A hapless would-be rapper has received an eight-year prison sentence for trying to carjack a retired schoolteacher in Ellenton with a squirt gun last year.

Raymond S. Wank, 21, and Gregory A. Bell, 19, were headed from Kalamazoo, Mich., to Miami to try to break into the rap music industry after meeting a producer on the set of the Jenny Jones television show, Wank's lawyer said after the hearing.

Teresa Kaklis Dees said her client and Bell decided to carjack someone after they got a citation for hitchhiking in the Panhandle.

Assistant State Attorney Scott Rieth said his theory was that the pair thought: "We're not allowed to hitchhike, so let's just steal a car."

Wank pleaded no contest Thursday afternoon to attempted carjacking, burglary and defrauding an innkeeper. Senior Judge Thomas Gallen sentenced him to eight years in state prison for the attempted carjacking charge, five years for the burglary and time served for the other charge.

The sentences will run at the same time as a nine-year prison sentence Wank received earlier this year for carjacking a Suwannee County woman, according to testimony.

Bell was sentenced in September to five years, which he will serve concurrent with the nine-year sentence he received for the Suwannee County carjacking.

According to sheriff's reports and court testimony:

On Nov. 24, 2002, the pair kidnapped Cynda Futch, a Wal-Mart employee from Live Oak, using a black squirt gun that they had just shoplifted from her Suwannee County store.

Futch drove them 225 miles south to Ellenton. They dropped her off at the Waffle House at 1515 51st St. E. when her 1988 Dodge Ram was almost out of gas, reports said.

They took all but one of her cigarettes, apologized to her and wished her a nice Thanksgiving, Futch said by telephone the day after she was freed.

According to sheriff's reports and court testimony, after releasing Futch, Wank and Bell sneaked into a room at a Ramada Inn at Interstate 75 and State Road 64 and left the next day without paying.

They then tried to carjack retired teacher Nancy Rizzo's new Cadillac in the parking lot of the Ellenton Publix supermarket at 6242 U.S. 301.

"Get into the car or I'll kill you," Wank told Rizzo, again wielding the squirt gun.

But Rizzo grabbed her keys and ran inside the store, yelling "He's got a gun. He's gonna shoot me."

Dees, Wank's lawyer, said he told her that Rizzo screamed so loud, he screamed and ran away, too, hiding in a nearby storm-water retention pond.

Wank concealed himself so well in the muck that only his nose showed -- but that was enough for a deputy to spot him, Dees said.

Dees said Wank was so dirty Rizzo couldn't identify him, so deputies, with Wank's permission, ran him through a nearby car wash handcuffed to the bed of a pickup.

Deputies arrested Bell at a nearby McDonald's.

[dukeman]

The Jenny Jones show does it again.

[Hank Rearden]

When you're named "Wank", you're sort of expected to do stuff like this. I liked the carwash part.

[EggsAckley]

This is one of the funniest things I've read in ages. What a great movie plot. It would be a major hit!!

Life imitates art.

[dukeman]

LOL! Law enforcement officers usually have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm sure they enjoyed the car wash bit.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

Will they have a RAP sheet?

[Slings and Arrows]

Industrial-Strength Just Damn PING!

[Vermonter]

Hiding in ponds in Florida is not a good idea. Can you say Alligator?

[dukeman]

Ha! With a gator in the area, the only thing they would have found was his nose.

[microgood]

Teresa Kaklis Dees said her client and Bell decided to carjack someone after they got a citation for hitchhiking in the Panhandle.

You do have to admire their respect for the law.

[dukeman]

Yes, but think about how big their rap careers would be by now (about a year later) if they had just washed enough dishes at a Waffle House to afford two bus tickets to Miami. :-) Choices, choices, choices.......

[primeval patriot]

bus tickets to Miami

Per the Greyhound website, a one-way ticket from Kalamazoo to Miami is $169.

I reckon these two geniuses thought carjacking, kidnapping, and robbery would be the easier route.

Breathtaking stupidity.

[Arpege92]

"They took all but one of her cigarettes, apologize to her and wished her a nice Thanksgiving."

Well, at least they were polite!

[longfellow]

they should get life for shoplifting a toy gun!

[dukeman]

I wonder how they got from Michigan down to north Florida. Probably hitchhiking.

[martin_fierro]

	Industrial Strength Humor
No amateurs, please. Send FReepmail if you want on/off ISHP list

This story is an Industrial Strength Humor BONANZA!

[bootless]

Oh. My. God.

This is persistent, relentless stupidity!

[dukeman]

The only crime story to rival this one for stupidity was posted here (by me) a couple of years ago. There an underaged teenage boy stole a car for a joyride. He drove all over the county smashing into roadsigns and mailboxes. He blew all four tires and drove home to his Mommy late at night on the rims. The cops just followed the scrape marks on the road all the way home. The Mom said he was a good boy and NOT GUILTY. The boy blamed everything on the car and wished he'd never found it.

[dukeman]

We get more than our share of weird stories here in Florida. Does anyohe recall the guy found dead, clad only in his briefs, in the killer whale tank at Sea World?

[BraveMan]

This could be made into a movie . . .

[Senormechanico]

Just my opinion (sarcasm), but they don't call it FloriDUH for nothing!

SM