God Bless Texas!

Bible study blog | Nov 6, 2003 | Unknown

[Cvengr]

Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn 'em & remember 'em. East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't give a squat what you folks in Cincinnati call that crap you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M, Univ of Texas, or Rice. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas.

"GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!

[Cvengr]

For my fellow Texans.

[MEG33]

Fun for Texans!

[ILBBACH]

HOOK 'EM HORNS!

[ILBBACH]

Texas ping!

[Kewlhand`tek]

ARKANSAS HOOKED'M

[lowbridge]

THE SOUTH - LIKE IT OR WE'LL KICK YOUR A$$!

[LadyDoc]

bump

[cars for sale]

and we Texans love work, we ain't afraid of it
like my daddy said fixin the septic tank
"here's a shovel, we didn't come here to crochet'

[MeekOneGOP]

ha! ha! Gotta love it ! ...

Mornin', yall !! ...

[Fiddlstix]

Bump

[TEXASPROUD]

This is for when y'all decide to visit.

[XRdsRev]

Sam Houston was from Virginia

[Eris]

Texas, my love.

[XRdsRev]

P.S. - here is a real Sam Houston quote - "All new states are invested, more or less, by a class of noisy, second-rate men who are always in favor of rash and extreme measures, but Texas was absolutely overrun by such men."

[hurly]

Directions to Texas
Go west till you smell sh*t, That's Oklahoma, turn south till you step in it, That's Texas,
(Just funnin ;) )

[WhiteGuy]

Texas................

Home State of Anna Nicole Smith!!!

[Liberal Classic]

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get it out of the way.

Last year I high-centered my sports car on a Houston city street and tore out the underside, needed an exhaust manifold. I maintain that trucks are needed in town, too.

[rustbucket]

During the western migration, there was a sign with an arrow in Arkansas that said, "This way to Texas." People who couldn't read stayed in Arkansas. Those who could read went on to Texas.

[The South Texan]

I might add that all liberals that want to move to Texas, we have a special enclave just for you.

The People's Republic of Austin or aka, Babylon on the Colorado.

Move there and leave the rest of us alone

[unixfox]

Whoa there cowboy, I'm from Austin By God Texas and I don't take kindly to such talk.

I'm doin all I can to rid this city of the socialists but damnit it's hard when your out numbered.