Bill O'Reilly: Saddam's fantasy

NY Daily News ^ | December 29, 2003 | Bill O'Reilly

[presidio9]

According to a recent Gallup Poll, most Americans want Saddam Hussein tried in an international court, but 24% say a U.S. military court should decide his fate. This, of course, would be a disaster because America's legal system is so screwed up that Saddam might wind up a winner. Here's what could possibly happen: The 9th Circuit Federal Court of Appeals in San Francisco, a legal body modeled on the philosophy of Che Guevera and the most overturned federal court in U.S. history, might well rule the military court unconstitutional because, as we all know, military people have strict rules of behavior and make judgments. The 9th would never abide that.

Immediately after the 9th ruled, Saddam would find himself in civilian criminal court and would hire Mark Geragos and Johnnie Cochran to represent him. Geragos, Michael Jackson's attorney, would book himself on the Larry King program and declare that Saddam was not responsible for the mass murderers in Iraq - devil worshipers were. Geragos would convince King that the devil people infiltrated Saddam's inner circle without his knowledge. Only Saddam's sons knew. Too bad they're dead.

At the same time, Cochran would be asserting that U.S. forces planted the thousands of bodies that were dug up in mass graves. Yes, that would have been difficult, Cochran would say, but if the Los Angeles Police Department could plant evidence on every criminal case it had ever investigated, then the American armed forces could transport 100,000 dead bodies into Iraq.

In the preliminary hearing, Geragos would demand that Saddam be let out of prison and housed at the Neverland ranch so he, Geragos, could do the needed legwork on the Jackson case and Saddam's situation at the same time. Geragos also would file a motion to suppress everything Saddam has ever said in his entire life.

Meantime, Cochran would raise the race issue. He'd produce an American corporal who had uttered anti-Arab remarks while taking machine-gun fire in a foxhole. Using that evidence, Cochran could then weave a brilliant line of logic: If Americans were so hateful toward Saddam's forces, why wouldn't the Iraqis develop hideous weapons and violate international law? Anyone would, it was absolutely a matter of self-defense.

Cochran would have Saddam try on all his old uniforms, and they would not fit. Obviously, then, this man isn't really Saddam. He's Scott Peterson!

Geragos would then jump in quickly. If Scott Peterson were in Baghdad all these years, he couldn't possibly have killed his wife, Laci, and their unborn child. Different devil worshipers did that. And Geragos would convince King that those people worked at Fox News. Al Franken would back him up.

In the end, Saddam would be acquitted by a jury based on reasonable doubt. No weapons of mass destruction. Planted bodies all over the place. Devil people running wild. No wonder things went wrong in Iraq.

The delighted dictator would then move to Florida and buy a home near O.J. Simpson because the Sunshine State will let you keep your assets no matter how many people you kill and torture. A few months later, Saddam would appear on "Dateline" and proclaim that he would spend the rest of his days trying to track down the real culprits in Iraq. He also would file suit for millions, claiming Jackson had molested him at Neverland.

American justice. There's none better.

[cars for sale]

O'Reilly is like beer,I like it but too much makes me puke.

[bolobaby]

Nice!

I become more firmly convinced every day that the american legal system benefits no one except the laywers.

My parents and I recently received our checks for a class action lawsuit (that we didn't really know we were a part of). Each check was less than $0.50. Who wants to bet the lawyers received 7 or 8 figures in fees?

[Amerimom2]

ROTFLMBO

Gotta love the judicial system and Bill O'Reilly!

[EggsAckley]

this man isn't really Saddam. He's Scott Peterson!

My favorite line!

[orlop9]

O'Reilly is like beer,I like it but too much makes me puke.

This is the reason I love this place, even though it doesn't have free beer.

[Xenalyte]

Bill O'Reilly is Saddam's fantasy? Yeech. BAD visual.

[Cicero]

Well, I have to agree with O'Reilly on this one. Why should we take the heat and the trouble of trying Saddam? Let the Iraqis try him and execute him. Most of his crimes were against his own people.

Our justice system is well designed to protect the innocent. It was not designed to handle foreign war criminals.

[international american]

O'Reilly always plays it safe. Don't pi$$ off the libs or the conservatives.Or if you do, make up for it the next day with an opposite point of view. Shrewd enough for ratings, not enough for me.

[BigSkyFreeper]

I'm glad I'm part of that 24% of Americans who want him tried in a military court. I cannot fathom an international court trying him. I mean, just look at how long the Slobo trial has been dragging on. O'Reilly is right about the screwed up judicial system in this country, the ACLU is contributing to it.

[NMFXSTC]

I like the idea of benign neglect:

Put Sadass in a sealed room...no windows, no heat, no electricity, no toilet, no water, no food...

And leave him with a nice, new .40 cal Glock...and one round.

Justice at no cost (no food, utility, or other bills)...Hell, I'll loan outmy Beretta!

[Cosmo]

He's a pretty darned sophomoric thinker, dontcha think?

[cars for sale]

freshman going to sophmore class

[Welsh Rabbit]

Don't spend it all in one place!

[Bacon Man]

O'Reilly is like beer,I like it but too much makes me puke.

Good analogy.

[dware]

[Huck]

O'Reilly is like piss, cheap ass beer like Busch or Red White and Blue. He ain't a mug of anything good.

[cars for sale]

we was once but now feels his "competition" is Drudge and El Rushbo. Sounds like bad Whine to me

[truth_seeker]

"I'm glad I'm part of that 24% of Americans who want him tried in a military court."

What would be wrong with an Iraq court?

[international american]

"Sounds like bad Whine to me"

ROTFLMAO...what kind of cars:)??