Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

You Know You're Italian If...
Web | Unknown

Posted on 01/01/2004 8:15:33 PM PST by Mannaggia l'America

A little New Year's humor...

You Know You're Italian If...

  1. You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
  2. You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
  3. When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
  4. When you were growing up, you thought that all wine was red and that it only came in gallon jugs
  5. If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
  6. There were more than 28 people in your wedding party
  7. Your grandfather had a fig tree
  8. You've always wanted a red Ferrari
  9. When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
  10. Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
  11. Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima
  12. Connie Francis songs makes you cry
  13. At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
  14. You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
  15. You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture
  16. You know all the words to “That’s Amore”
  17. You’re wife or husband wears a tee shirt that says “Pray for me, I married an Italian.”
  18. You’ve been to the Vatican at least once
  19. For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
  20. When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel
  21. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
  22. Your mom's meatballs are the best!
  23. If at least five of the above apply to you, congratulations!!! You’re Italian!


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: humor; italian; italianamericans
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-200201 next last
For me...

You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
My name is Joe, my father's name is Joe, two of my uncle's are Joe, my cousin's name is Joe, my aunt's name is Mary, my cousin's name is Mary. Shall I go on?

You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
My grandmother had a stove, fridge, and freezer in the basement. The stove was for baking pastry only.

When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
Close, but not on the same street. Within a few blocks.

If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
No affairs in my family. No one is even close to 6' tall.

Your grandfather had a fig tree
YES! I helped him cover it up every year.

When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
Our Sunday "dinner" was at 12:00 PM, right after mass. The spaghetti and meatballs stayed warm on the stove all day after that for anyone who dropped by or got hungry later.

Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
No garage - they were held in the back yard, or at the Italian-American club across the street. My dad had his wedding reception in the back yard.

Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”
I got the trilogy on DVD for Christmas!

At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
ME.

You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
Both.

For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
Not me, but my cousin (Joe!) did.

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
It's sauce.

Your mom's meatballs are the best!
My grandmother's were the best. Mom's are OK and mine are pretty good.

1 posted on 01/01/2004 8:15:34 PM PST by Mannaggia l'America
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
Your mother's mustache is almost as thick as dad's!! (:
2 posted on 01/01/2004 8:17:29 PM PST by God luvs America (Howard Dean is a deranged lunatic!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
Sounds like fun, can I be Italian?
3 posted on 01/01/2004 8:17:45 PM PST by Revolting cat! ("In the end, nothing explains anything!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
mannagia! that list sounds too close to home!
4 posted on 01/01/2004 8:20:35 PM PST by Azzurri
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Revolting cat!
I'm Jewish but at least these two are familiar:
"You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street"

The basement kitchen held the hand canned stuff, big bowls and a wooden table, and a mezzauna, chopping block, heavy rolling pin, etc. The upstairs kitchen was neat and tidy and pretty and was referred to as the "English kitchen"--It was used to reheat and serve things---never for preparation.

My sister claims she was in sixth grade before she knew anyone could invite someone not a first cousin to a birthday party.;).
5 posted on 01/01/2004 8:23:16 PM PST by the Real fifi
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: God luvs America
Your underarms are as hairy as your moms and you are her daughter

you hear a helicopter over head and you think its callin g you a slur as in wop wop wop
6 posted on 01/01/2004 8:24:41 PM PST by al baby (Ice cream does not have bones)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun

Are you kidding? There have been times in my life where I would have gladly run off to a old-fashioned "Bells of St. Mary"-type nunnery.

7 posted on 01/01/2004 8:25:53 PM PST by yankeedame ("Oh, I can take it but I'd much rather dish it out.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
"At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone"....

OR

At least one person in your family is Don Corleone

8 posted on 01/01/2004 8:28:27 PM PST by John Beresford Tipton
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
I was adopted by an Italian family, complete with a Sons of Italy membership.

Therefore # 5, 9, 11, 16, 20, 21 and 22 apply.

Her wedding reception was on the back patio of her parent's home. The pool table was in the center of the patio with an out side fridge. Certain pool shots required you to open the fridge to take a shot.
9 posted on 01/01/2004 8:29:03 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
Covering up fig trees for the winter bump! Done by cutting the roots on one side, bending the tree down and covering the tree with burlap and earth.
10 posted on 01/01/2004 8:33:36 PM PST by dennisw (G_d is at war with Amalek for all generations)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
You forgot the Anthonys (pronounced Ant-ney)!
11 posted on 01/01/2004 8:38:47 PM PST by katnip
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: notpoliticallycorewrecked
My grandmother had a beehive oven in the garage for baking bread. My grandfather made wine in the garage and stored the casks in the basement. My father remembers being scolded as a kid for wanting coffee. "Here, have'a some wine"!
12 posted on 01/01/2004 8:42:46 PM PST by gracie1 (Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Revolting cat!
Sounds like fun, can I be Italian?

It's not very much fun when you marry into one of these families. If you're not Italian, you're an outsider forever. Take it from someone who's been there, done that. And yes, I was Catholic, too. But the ex-MIL said I was too white and too educated (I have a BA). Italian women are first and foremost interested in their mothers. You could be married to them and give them five orgasms a day and they would still be on the phone to Mom complaining.

13 posted on 01/01/2004 8:44:09 PM PST by buccaneer81
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: buccaneer81
You could be married to them and give them five orgasms a day and they would still be on the phone to Mom complaining.

I don't know how to put it to you delicately, but it seems that you were married not to an Italian but to to a Jewish American Princess!

14 posted on 01/01/2004 9:03:08 PM PST by Revolting cat! ("In the end, nothing explains anything!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: buccaneer81
Awfully reminescent of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

"This is my son Nick, and his two children Nicki and Athena.
And here's my brother Dominic and those are his kids Nicki and Athena. This is my sister Helen, and her twins, Nicki and Athena."

LOL
15 posted on 01/01/2004 9:04:52 PM PST by gcruse (http://gcruse.typepad.com/)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
24. You are greeted at the door when you visit with a meatball on a fork.

25. You are amazed, when you leave NY, that people will actually put tomato soup on their pasta and think it is sauce. It's frightening.

26. You have a garden and it has zucchini, tomatoes, and eggplant. In the front yard is a "hen and chicks" and there is at least one fig tree.

27. You know Christmas Eve as "fish night". This means at least 5 different courses of fish. In fact, if it's a holiday, you must have at LEAST six courses.

Give me time, I'll think of plenty more.

16 posted on 01/01/2004 9:06:44 PM PST by I still care
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: al baby
I will take exception to that....french and german women have hairy underarms not italians.
17 posted on 01/01/2004 9:06:51 PM PST by God luvs America (Howard Dean is a deranged lunatic!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
DInner on Sunday at 2:00! The first time I took my future wife (now ex) to my mom's for dinner she was treated to the typical Italian-American dinner. Being non-Italian, it was all new to her and became a story told many times after as her initiaion into the ways of Italians in Brooklyn.

First the antipasta was served. Slices of salami, mozzarella, olives, marinated peppers.

Next came the cheese ravioli, with meatballs, sausage and of course a rich red GRAVY, covered by romano cheese. Alongside was a salad, and a generous loaf of garlic bread.

Then the main course, a braciole, a rolled and seasoned steak.

After this, we went for dessert, across the hall to a neighbor's apartment, for espresso and cheescake. The espresso was of course properly served, with a rind of lemon alongside.

My intended feasted on the antipasta, and got as far as the ravioli, thinking that was the end of the meal.

A good Sunday meal took at least an hour or two, and was punctuated by visits by with neighbors and family. What a time, and a way of life. I miss it.

18 posted on 01/01/2004 9:09:07 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: I still care
Yes!!! Fish on Christmas Eve, before midnight mass.
19 posted on 01/01/2004 9:11:24 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
You Know You're Italian If...

28. You know what a pork store is.

29. You knew what capuccino was before you ever heard of Starbuck's.

30. You knew someone who was "connected".

31. When you saw the "Godfather", you wondered why you weren't in the family movie.

20 posted on 01/01/2004 9:17:57 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: katnip
And the "Anton-ettes!"
21 posted on 01/01/2004 9:18:47 PM PST by annyokie (One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: JoeA
32. Someone insults the singer and you shoot him.
22 posted on 01/01/2004 9:20:53 PM PST by breakem
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
I got a cold a couple of weeks ago, so I retreated to my store of canned soups. When I ran out of the cans I had stored of Progresso Pasta Fagioli, I started looking in stores for replacements. Nowhere could I find any cans of Pasta Fagioli, Progresso or any other brand. Not in supermarkets, not in any of the Italian delis here in the D.C. area where I looked. Have they stopped making it? Am I going to have to learn how to cook pasta fagioli for myself, or is there anywhere I can go to get it in cans?
23 posted on 01/01/2004 9:22:19 PM PST by aristeides
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: gracie1
Oh, that explains why you talk with your hands! Just kidding, actually you are the first Italian that I have met that could hold your hands still and talk.
24 posted on 01/01/2004 9:23:43 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
You Know You're Italian If...

32. Your spouse is Irish

25 posted on 01/01/2004 9:28:09 PM PST by Incorrigible (immanentizing the eschaton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
We had one Italian in the family around 1250 and another in the early 1800's but more than 5 of these apply to me so I guess I'm Italian!
26 posted on 01/01/2004 9:29:20 PM PST by HoustonCurmudgeon (PEACE - Through Superior Firepower)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeA
You are scaring me here. You are describing family meals with my Italian family down to the dessert.

My friend that included me in her family, well her wedding was the Italian version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was a good thing the theater was empty when my Mom and I saw that movie. I laughed and lived that wedding.

I bought the DVD and my Mom and I went through scene by scene the parts that were straight out of my friend wedding.
27 posted on 01/01/2004 9:35:17 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: notpoliticallycorewrecked
I think they all get a book: "How to be an Italian Mama on Sunday". In every household that I was ever in on a Sunday was exactly the same. And they were all equally loud, family noise bouncing off the walls. No anger, ever, just lots of life.
28 posted on 01/01/2004 9:40:57 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: breakem
LOL!!!!
29 posted on 01/01/2004 9:41:42 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: aristeides
I haven't seen that, but there is actually a pretty decent version in a soup starter bag, made by .... darned if I can remember the name.
30 posted on 01/01/2004 9:43:53 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
33. Your favorite comedian is Pat Cooper, (Bada-bing!)
31 posted on 01/01/2004 9:45:00 PM PST by JoeA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeA
My nono and noni ate three meals a day and no snacks in between. The brushed their teeth with baking soda after each meal. When they each died in their 90s they had most of their teeth.
32 posted on 01/01/2004 9:46:29 PM PST by breakem
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: Revolting cat!; buccaneer81
" I don't know how to put it to you delicately, but it seems that you were married not to an Italian but to to a Jewish American Princess!"

LOL

I'm a germanrussianhunkyjew and was married to a wonderful (at least most of the time) Italian woman and I am still treated warmly by her family even now - 7 years after being divorced. BTW, I was accepted as a member of the local Italian-American club by virtue of that marriage (and my two step children) and my knowledge of Italian tradition.

33 posted on 01/01/2004 9:52:51 PM PST by Badray
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
1. Some Joe's, the only Mary was a WASP grandmother.
2. House was of reasonable size, one kitchen.
3. No cousins within 25 miles.
4. Growing up we knew wine came in all sorts and varieties, made at family-owned wineries, and was bottled best in 4/5 quart bottles sealed with new corks.
5. Half the men in the family are over 6', many have blue eys, some are blond (especially those who served in the Alpini).
6. Small wedding.
7. Grandfather lived in the city, a great uncle had a fig orchard.
8. Three cousins had red Ferraris. Grandfather preferred Packards. Father had a Stutz in college.
9. Sunday dinner varied, often starting at 8pm. Thanksgiving?: Pasta was never a first course. Typically antipasto was first, then clear soup, sometimes hearty soup next, then fish, then fowl, then joint, salad, fruit and cheese with port, then sweet deserts and coffee, then brandy and cigars for the men, more sweets and liquers for the ladies.
11. Preferred Fellini. liked Toscanini as a conductor. various opera singers.
12. Who is Connie Francis?
13. No
14. No.
15. No
16. No
17. No
18. Yes (at last a hit! but we were there for the art...)
19. No.,br> 20. No
21. We don't fight. It's gravy to some, sauce to others.
22. No
23. I guess I can't be Italian.
34 posted on 01/01/2004 10:01:38 PM PST by CatoRenasci (Ceterum Censeo [Gallia][Germania][Arabia] Esse Delendam --- Select One or More as needed)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America; carlo3b; stanz
Italian ping!!
35 posted on 01/01/2004 10:09:58 PM PST by jellybean (Proud Retro-sexual :))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America; stanz; dansangel
You Know You're Italian If...

Fogetaboutit..

At least one kid in the family had to bring his/her accordian to a holiday dinner and played "Lady of Spain"

You bought at least one Christmas present out of the trunk of a car in an alley.

Someone in you family owed a fortune in "juice", that had nothing to do with fruit.

It wasn't Sunday if you didn't smell the gravy cooking while you were still in bed!

If you used a closeline in the house to dry Pasta before a holiday.

You knew only one kid that had blue eyes, and you had a crush on his sister.

If you had a cousin that had a hairline that almost touched his/her eyebrows.

You had at least 3 women in the family that only wore Black.

If you really miss the smell of sausage at a wedding...Developing.. :)

36 posted on 01/01/2004 10:23:09 PM PST by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: aristeides
Pasta e Fagioli

This dish is also called "Pasta Fazool"
in many southern Italian dialects.
This is the real thingy, we ate as kids instead of Chicken Noodle soup.

1/2 pound lean ground pork
1 small onion, diced
1 clove garlic, minced
One 14½ ounce can chicken broth
One 14½ ounce can Italian style chopped tomatoes
One 15 ounce can white beans, drained
1 tsp. oregano
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. crushed fennel seed
1/2 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper
1/2 cup small pasta (shells or macaroni)

In large heavy saucepan, brown and crumble ground pork.
Stir in onion and garlic; cook and stir until onion is soft, about 3 minutes.
Stir in all remaining ingredients; bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer for 10-12 minutes, until pasta is tender.    

37 posted on 01/01/2004 10:27:03 PM PST by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
Do I even need to inform you about Don Giovanni's Italian House Party (Brought to you by Maggio cheese, of course) on 1210 AM every Saturday evening?
38 posted on 01/01/2004 10:27:42 PM PST by Captainpaintball
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jellybean; stanz; piasa
Hahahhaah, I was typing when you pinged me.. Where's stanz, and piasa.. LOL
39 posted on 01/01/2004 10:31:10 PM PST by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: carlo3b
You had a girlfriend or cousin that was a dead ringer for Roseanna Roseannadanna .... LOLOLOL
40 posted on 01/01/2004 10:36:50 PM PST by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 39 | View Replies]

To: carlo3b; stanz
I should have known you'd see this thread... :)

I haven't seen nor heard from stanz since early this morning. We did talk briefly on the phone last night. That was sooooo neat!!!

41 posted on 01/01/2004 10:40:23 PM PST by jellybean (Proud Retro-sexual :))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 39 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
Your list should include someone making ravioli on the bed!
42 posted on 01/01/2004 10:43:12 PM PST by cartoonistx
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: carlo3b
Thanks for the recipe. I guess it's not that hard to cook it myself, if I have to. (I made myself a holiday breakfast of Kaiserschmarren this morning, and that recipe was more complicated.) And dishes you make yourself generally taste better. But canned stuff sure is convenient, and Progresso Pasta Fagioli was plenty good enough for me, once I added pepper, tabasco sauce, and garlic powder to it.
43 posted on 01/01/2004 10:43:39 PM PST by aristeides
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: jellybean
We did talk briefly on the phone last night. That was sooooo neat!!!

The fuzzy slipper twins.. I should have known it!.. :)

44 posted on 01/01/2004 10:44:07 PM PST by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 41 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"

You fight over whether it's pasta, macaroni or "spagett" (don't know why they dropped the "i" since every word in Italian has more vowels than necessary!)

45 posted on 01/01/2004 10:47:14 PM PST by Prov1322 (Have you thanked God again today that George W. Bush is our President?!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
The reason for the many relatives named "Joe" could also stem from the tradition of the men naming their first born sons after their father. In my family, it's "Michael". His grandfather was a Michael, and he was the oldest. The first-born son of his brothers were named Michael. We identified them by saying, "Pat's Michael", "Louie's Michael", or "Richard's Michael". Louie's Michael named his first-born son Michael, so he's referred to as, "Louie's Michael's Michael".

Both my brother and myself have named our first-born sons Michael, and my newly-married younger brother will as well. The tradition continues!

46 posted on 01/01/2004 10:51:39 PM PST by GreatOne (You will bow down before me, Son of Jor-el!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Victoria Delsoul
Italian ping.
47 posted on 01/01/2004 10:52:30 PM PST by Alberta's Child (Alberta -- the TRUE North strong and free.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: aristeides
Don't kid yourself.. even a chef gets lazy.. I'll try the Progresso, when it happens next tme.. Happy New Year..
48 posted on 01/01/2004 10:52:59 PM PST by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
14.You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun

I'm not Italian but this one applies to me...in fact it was a nun that did both...Sister Rosario...about 4'2" and 90 years old when she put me in my place...rest her soul...

49 posted on 01/01/2004 10:53:35 PM PST by in the Arena (Don't drink and tagline, the tagline you save might be your own...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mannaggia l'America
Trippa

Gutina

Prociutto with melon

gnocchi

Calamari and Polpo

Clams on the half-shell

Clams Casino

Knowing how to fold a slice of pizza

Trippa is my favorite, I make it better than anyone in my family.

50 posted on 01/01/2004 10:53:37 PM PST by RIGHT IN LAS VEGAS
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-200201 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson