You Know You're Italian If...

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[Mannaggia l'America]

A little New Year's humor...

You Know You're Italian If...

1. You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
2. You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
3. When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
4. When you were growing up, you thought that all wine was red and that it only came in gallon jugs
5. If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
6. There were more than 28 people in your wedding party
7. Your grandfather had a fig tree
8. You've always wanted a red Ferrari
9. When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
10. Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
11. Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima
12. Connie Francis songs makes you cry
13. At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
14. You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
15. You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture
16. You know all the words to “That’s Amore”
17. You’re wife or husband wears a tee shirt that says “Pray for me, I married an Italian.”
18. You’ve been to the Vatican at least once
19. For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
20. When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel
21. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
22. Your mom's meatballs are the best!
23. If at least five of the above apply to you, congratulations!!! You’re Italian!

[Mannaggia l'America]

For me...

You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
My name is Joe, my father's name is Joe, two of my uncle's are Joe, my cousin's name is Joe, my aunt's name is Mary, my cousin's name is Mary. Shall I go on?

You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
My grandmother had a stove, fridge, and freezer in the basement. The stove was for baking pastry only.

When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
Close, but not on the same street. Within a few blocks.

If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
No affairs in my family. No one is even close to 6' tall.

Your grandfather had a fig tree
YES! I helped him cover it up every year.

When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
Our Sunday "dinner" was at 12:00 PM, right after mass. The spaghetti and meatballs stayed warm on the stove all day after that for anyone who dropped by or got hungry later.

Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
No garage - they were held in the back yard, or at the Italian-American club across the street. My dad had his wedding reception in the back yard.

Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”
I got the trilogy on DVD for Christmas!

At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
ME.

You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
Both.

For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
Not me, but my cousin (Joe!) did.

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
It's sauce.

Your mom's meatballs are the best!
My grandmother's were the best. Mom's are OK and mine are pretty good.

[God luvs America]

Your mother's mustache is almost as thick as dad's!! (:

[Revolting cat!]

Sounds like fun, can I be Italian?

[Azzurri]

mannagia! that list sounds too close to home!

[the Real fifi]

I'm Jewish but at least these two are familiar:
"You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street"

The basement kitchen held the hand canned stuff, big bowls and a wooden table, and a mezzauna, chopping block, heavy rolling pin, etc. The upstairs kitchen was neat and tidy and pretty and was referred to as the "English kitchen"--It was used to reheat and serve things---never for preparation.

My sister claims she was in sixth grade before she knew anyone could invite someone not a first cousin to a birthday party.;).

[al baby]

Your underarms are as hairy as your moms and you are her daughter

you hear a helicopter over head and you think its callin g you a slur as in wop wop wop

[yankeedame]

For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun

Are you kidding? There have been times in my life where I would have gladly run off to a old-fashioned "Bells of St. Mary"-type nunnery.

[John Beresford Tipton]

"At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone"....

OR

At least one person in your family is Don Corleone

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

I was adopted by an Italian family, complete with a Sons of Italy membership.

Therefore # 5, 9, 11, 16, 20, 21 and 22 apply.

Her wedding reception was on the back patio of her parent's home. The pool table was in the center of the patio with an out side fridge. Certain pool shots required you to open the fridge to take a shot.

[dennisw]

Covering up fig trees for the winter bump! Done by cutting the roots on one side, bending the tree down and covering the tree with burlap and earth.

[katnip]

You forgot the Anthonys (pronounced Ant-ney)!

[gracie1]

My grandmother had a beehive oven in the garage for baking bread. My grandfather made wine in the garage and stored the casks in the basement. My father remembers being scolded as a kid for wanting coffee. "Here, have'a some wine"!

[buccaneer81]

Sounds like fun, can I be Italian?

It's not very much fun when you marry into one of these families. If you're not Italian, you're an outsider forever. Take it from someone who's been there, done that. And yes, I was Catholic, too. But the ex-MIL said I was too white and too educated (I have a BA). Italian women are first and foremost interested in their mothers. You could be married to them and give them five orgasms a day and they would still be on the phone to Mom complaining.

[Revolting cat!]

You could be married to them and give them five orgasms a day and they would still be on the phone to Mom complaining.

I don't know how to put it to you delicately, but it seems that you were married not to an Italian but to to a Jewish American Princess!

[gcruse]

Awfully reminescent of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

"This is my son Nick, and his two children Nicki and Athena.
And here's my brother Dominic and those are his kids Nicki and Athena. This is my sister Helen, and her twins, Nicki and Athena."

LOL

[I still care]

24. You are greeted at the door when you visit with a meatball on a fork.

25. You are amazed, when you leave NY, that people will actually put tomato soup on their pasta and think it is sauce. It's frightening.

26. You have a garden and it has zucchini, tomatoes, and eggplant. In the front yard is a "hen and chicks" and there is at least one fig tree.

27. You know Christmas Eve as "fish night". This means at least 5 different courses of fish. In fact, if it's a holiday, you must have at LEAST six courses.

Give me time, I'll think of plenty more.

[God luvs America]

I will take exception to that....french and german women have hairy underarms not italians.

[JoeA]

DInner on Sunday at 2:00! The first time I took my future wife (now ex) to my mom's for dinner she was treated to the typical Italian-American dinner. Being non-Italian, it was all new to her and became a story told many times after as her initiaion into the ways of Italians in Brooklyn.

First the antipasta was served. Slices of salami, mozzarella, olives, marinated peppers.

Next came the cheese ravioli, with meatballs, sausage and of course a rich red GRAVY, covered by romano cheese. Alongside was a salad, and a generous loaf of garlic bread.

Then the main course, a braciole, a rolled and seasoned steak.

After this, we went for dessert, across the hall to a neighbor's apartment, for espresso and cheescake. The espresso was of course properly served, with a rind of lemon alongside.

My intended feasted on the antipasta, and got as far as the ravioli, thinking that was the end of the meal.

A good Sunday meal took at least an hour or two, and was punctuated by visits by with neighbors and family. What a time, and a way of life. I miss it.

[JoeA]

Yes!!! Fish on Christmas Eve, before midnight mass.

[JoeA]

You Know You're Italian If...

28. You know what a pork store is.

29. You knew what capuccino was before you ever heard of Starbuck's.

30. You knew someone who was "connected".

31. When you saw the "Godfather", you wondered why you weren't in the family movie.