Kids thrive on discipline

Tucson Arizona Star ^ | 01/03/04 | Betsy Hart

[netmilsmom]

>>We all slip not and <<

Ooops, make that "Now and then...
You know, Mombrain!

[Woahhs]

You are more than welcome to be judgemental, but until you sit in my shoes, and have a better suggestion, you can't really say anything.

Actually, yes I can, but as is par for the course these days you'd no doubt sooner swallow a brick than accept any "better suggestion." Your demeanor already shows all one needs to know.

[netmilsmom]

>>Actually, yes I can, but as is par for the course these days you'd no doubt sooner swallow a brick than accept any "better suggestion." Your demeanor already shows all one needs to know.<<

I have been nothing but polite to you. Please explain my "demeanor"?

[TheStickman]

*Time Out* is the biggest waste of time. Nothing is *learned* while in "ti*e *u*" (see, it's a profane phrase for me hehehe) IMO, that BS was developed as a keen way to push a problem under the rug.

I've yet to hear an intelligent response to the question: What new behaviors are learned while in *time out*?

[Woahhs]

Please explain my "demeanor"?

Well your self-justification and rationalizing in the face of obvious behavior problems for a start. Then your retreat to the old "you're not in my shoes" canard.

But tell me, how could someone "politely" approach you to complain that your child was a little hellion? This is not a challenge, but a very real question. I know parents whose toddlers have attacked the family pet with a weapon that display that same bifurcated sense of civility you have displayed.

Also, please explain the reasoning behind "you are allowed to have your emotions?"

[netmilsmom]

As I said in the posts above, my daughters have learned that as long as they act like maniacs, they are in time out. When they settle down and can talk to me without crying hysterically, they can come back to the group.

I agree with you on the "time out chair" deal. I've seen mothers put the kid on a time out chair then talk to them the whole time. If one removes the child from the group, a time out teaches them the consequences of their actions. If he/she wants to continue to act that way, no one wants to see it.

[Woahhs]

How do you impose the "time out" when you are under time constraints?

[verity]

"... had a two year old run up..."

Future libertarian?

[netmilsmom]

>>Well your self-justification and rationalizing in the face of obvious behavior problems for a start. Then your retreat to the old "you're not in my shoes" canard.<<
Every child starts off with behavior problems, it is our job as parents to overcome them. A baby is a totally selfish being, we train them not to be. It takes work and it doesn't happen overnight. Then every child is different and what works for one may not work for another. We have to find what works. I guess that instead of saying, "you're not in my shoes." I should have said, "You have your child and I have mine."

>>But tell me, how could someone "politely" approach you to complain that your child was a little hellion? This is not a challenge, but a very real question. I know parents whose toddlers have attacked the family pet with a weapon that display that same bifurcated sense of civility you have displayed.<<
I will listen to suggestions of other parents. I think that you have made assumptions because of my choice of words. I have pinged Jonathansmommie here. She knows my girls, neither one of them are hellions and I am neither an abusive nor permissive parent.

>>Also, please explain the reasoning behind "you are allowed to have your emotions?"<<
Isn't everyone allowed to have their emotions? It is how we deal with them. It is my job as a parent to help my children to act appropriately when they feel a certain way, not tell then that it is "stupid" or "wrong" to feel angry or scared, as my parents did.

I try very hard to be the best mom I can be but sometimes the love of my children does cloud my views. I think everyone tries. If someone thinks that my children are monsters or even I am acting in a way that is inappropriate, I hope they will tell me. How can anything be changed if no one tells me?

[Dianna]

Also, please explain the reasoning behind "you are allowed to have your emotions?"

She doesn't want her adult children to be unable to deal with emotions like anger because they were forced to stuff it their whole childhood.

Kids get mad. They can express it reasonably if taught to do so. They can also be taught to deny it. Both become habit.

[netmilsmom]

Can you define "time constraints?" I'm not sure I understand.

[netmilsmom]

Hey Lady!
Great minds think alike!

[SLB]

FYI

[Dianna]

Great minds think alike!

BTDT! Took a few years to get it worked out.

[Woahhs]

I think that you have made assumptions because of my choice of words.

That is probably a fair bet.

[netmilsmom]

If children came with a manual, it would all be thoughtless. (but men still wouldn't read it!)

[Woahhs]

Isn't everyone allowed to have their emotions?

Frankly, no, they shouldn't. Emotions are your subjective reaction to a give situation, they are not absolutes, and shouldn't be treated like they are. I've heard all the rationales for not suppressing emotions and find them simplistic at best, and counter-productive at worst. Some emotions should be condoned, and some should be supressed. If there is a question as to which is which, I suggest a quick reading of C.S. Lewis "First Things."

[netmilsmom]

Honestly, if you knew my girls, you would see that I have the greatest kids on earth. They are sweet, smart and loving. (I'm a little bigoted toward them). But honestly, it is hard to find a bad kid. They need lots of love and lots of discipline. None of them are easy but the rewards are unimaginable.

Parents seem to either go too far or not far enough anymore.

[Oberon]

I'd love to email the above article to my daughter, but she would probably never speak to me again.

Well... tell her "NO!"

Yeah, I know... I wish it were that simple.

[netmilsmom]

>>I suggest a quick reading of C.S. Lewis "First Things."<<

I will. Do you think I can get a copy from the local library?

I have to go on my experience from my own childhood where I was told constantly, to stop being angry or there is no need to be afraid. I help my girls define the emotion (I know you are angry but you are not allowed to act this way or I know you are scared of the dark but if you close your eyes you see nothing and there is nothing in the dark that is not in the light) then teach them what is an appropriate reaction to that emotion.
Did I explain that better?