The weird world of Gwyneth Paltrow

Creators Syndicate ^ | January 21, 2004 | Michelle Malkin

[alloysteel]

Gwyneth Paltrow, the fashionable blond actress who once chopped off her hair to look exactly like ex-boyfriend Brad Pitt and who showed up at the Oscars a few years ago in a transparent Goth-meets-Heidi costume, has some nerve calling anybody "weird."

Yet, there she was in the pages of Britain’s Glamour magazine last week, declaring that America is "too weird." Now, if Gwynnie had been referring to the bizarre spectacles of Michael Jackson gyrating atop his SUV, Britney Spears stumbling down the wedding aisle, and Howard Dean going ape-wild in Iowa, she might have had a point. But that’s not who she had in mind. Explaining why she’s planning on raising her first child in the United Kingdom instead of the United States -- she is four months pregnant and living in London with her new husband, British musician Chris Martin -- the actress noted: "At the moment there's a weird, over-patriotic atmosphere over there, like, 'We're number one and the rest of the world doesn't matter.’"

Pity poor Paltrow. Having grown up in her privileged little bubble of "gypsy of the world" artisans, this delicate thespian must tremble with unbearable fright at the thought of her little one being accidentally exposed to Americans who fly the American flag on their front porches even when it’s not Independence Day. I can’t imagine the horror Paltrow must experience when the National Anthem is played within earshot or the disgust she must feel when she sees American soldiers in uniform, flashing "number one" signs, as they defend Paltrow’s freedom to trash her country while sipping tea along the Thames.

How positively creepy, Paltrow must have thought to herself while sunning herself on Valentino’s yacht off the coast of Majorca, that there are so many of us in America who actually do believe this is the greatest nation in the world, who wake up each morning grateful that our parents and grandparents left their own native lands to pursue their dreams in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

How utterly scary that there are so many of us unenlightened heathens who actually believe the words of the U.S. Constitution (as opposed to Norman Lear and the ACLU’s talking points).

How absolutely chilling that America is still home to Americans who recite the unabridged version of the Pledge of Allegiance.

How absolutely strange that most of us have never faked a British accent -- except, perhaps, when teaching our children about the tyranny of King George III.

"I think Bush is such an embarrassment to America. He doesn't take the rest of the world at all into consideration," Paltrow was quoted by the Scottish Daily Record of Glasgow last year. "It all seems to be for him and his friends to keep getting richer at the expense of a nation, at the expense of the environment. It's like a full-scale assault." This from an eco-hypocrite who appears in environmental propaganda ads with fellow actress Cameron Diaz touting energy conservation -- while driving a Mercedes-Benz SUV paid for with her box-office windfalls from all those gauche Americans who plunk down their hard-earned cash to see her movies.

"I love America and I completely stand behind America," Gwynnie said last spring, before she wed her America-hating rockstar husband, who had declared at an awards show that "We're all going to die when George Bush has his way." If this is Paltrow’s idea of American patriotism, let’s be glad that she will be teaching it to her child overseas, in the company of so many other celebrity expatriates from Madonna to Johnny Depp.

Good riddance, Hollyweirdos. And God bless America.

[alloysteel]

Normally, Michelle Malkin is talking about immigration by extralegal means. Here, she seems to be encouraging emigration by certain factions.

Imagine, some people are fleeing America, when so many are trying to sneak in. Perhaps they feel crowded.

[NYCVirago]

Gwynnie threw a hissy fit last year when she was served herbal tea at a restaurant -- it seems that she could somehow sense that the cup had once held coffee, with that evil caffeine in it, and she flipped out at the idea. And this spoiled prima donna is going to tell Americans that we're full of ourselves?

[KAUAIBOUND]

Good riddance to Gwyneth. And I'm still waiting to help Alec Baldwin move to Europe and join the other Hollyweird snobs in England and France, but he won't return my calls.

[PFKEY]

I still don't know who this person is, but then it was months of hearing about Paris Hilton before I learned that it was a she and not some sex scandal similar to Tailhook.

Not much in the way of current events on the Cartoon Network.

I think I like it that way.

Now if only these threads didn't appear in FR.

No slight intended on your fine article. After all, I am posting to it. ;->

[alloysteel]

Gwyneth Paltrow is a real human being, however much the name seems to be taken from some Gothic tale of supernatural beings. She is a movie actress of some modest success, in a world where fame is in direct proportion to how much mood-altering substances are ingested and the power of speech is still detectable. Nobody said it had to be intelligent speech.

[DeuceTraveler]

Love Cartoon Network. Power Puff Girls. Samarai Jack. It's bad when Toons are seeming like the only thing on TV with substance.

[PFKEY]

Love Cartoon Network.

It's hard to find a bad series.

Power Puff Girls, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Ed, Edd and Eddy....etc.

I watch this stuff even when my 5 y/o is asleep.

HBO and Cinemax can only take you so far.

[White Eagle]

So we lost one blonde and gained a million or so people who come here to work hard and contribute to America. What's the bad news?

[Abcdefg]

http://famousidiot.com/index.php?celebrity_id=65
to see who this dood is.

[ECM]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Sealab 2021!

[Mike Darancette]

Pity poor Paltrow. Having grown up in her privileged little bubble of "gypsy of the world" artisans, this delicate thespian must tremble with unbearable fright at the thought of her little one being accidentally exposed to Americans who fly the American flag on their front porches even when it’s not Independence Day.

It is so much easier to be a knee jerk America hating Liberal when you are rich and everyone you know are rich.

[Sans-Culotte]

I still like a couple of her movies (Emma and Shakespeare in Love), but have not cared for much else. In the two I mentioned, she played British characters anyway, so she should be at home in Old Blighty.

Those of you who are boycotting her movies: it is hard to boycott something that is prolly not worth seeing in the first place! (Though that upcoming Republic-serial-type movie with Jude Law looks kinda interesting).

[dfwgator]

We switched to Nick, now it's Spongebob Squarepants and Fairly Odd Parents.

[Prodigal Son]

but then it was months of hearing about Paris Hilton before I learned that it was a she and not some sex scandal similar to Tailhook.

It was just a few weeks ago that I learned when people are talking about Paris Hilton they don't mean a hotel in France. I still have no idea who this person is and why she is famous.

[Prodigal Son]

I have to be honest. I've never really cared for Michelle Malkin.

[gcruse]

I have to be honest. I've never really cared for Michelle Malkin.

I like her a lot better than Coulter.  Michelle has a libertarian streak.  Ann is statist to the max.

[presidio9]

Michelle has a libertarian streak.

How so?

[ItsOurTimeNow]

For the longest time, I thought Paris Hilton was a large hotel in the French capital.

Now I know she's just a "Large ho? Tell!"

[gcruse]

She doesn't see the War on Drugs in the positive light Ann does.

[presidio9]

Malkin has never offered an alternative to the drug war, so it is impossible to take her seriously on this subject. Her assertions that "drug addicts have already punished themselves enough" are beside the point.