OF TOUCHDOWNS, TITS AND TROUBLED TIMES

2-2-2004 | THE OLD BARTENDER

[The Old Bartender]

OF TOUCHDOWNS, TITS AND TROUBLED TIMES

Bin Laden, Arafat, and their allies in the Islamofascist cabal did not require an attack on the Superbowl to accentuate their views on the depths into which Western culture has slithered. The event itself was sufficiently demoralizing. The actual game was surprisingly, by modern standards, fairly good, despite the narcissistic watusis players insist on performing upon completion of even mundane tasks in what is purported to be a team sport. However, when you toss in the multi-million dollar dollops of prurient commercials featuring dogs biting peoples privates, bagpipe players soothing their genitals with nitrogen, Jimmy Hendrix as roll model and the apparently unsinkable notion on Madison Avenue that "Buy our product, get laid" is an innovative concept, a decent game turns out to be pretty thin gruel. Which brings us to the half-time "show."

"I know," one can imagine hearing the producers gurgling at the concept meeting that conceived this bad acid trip, "We'll get the neurotic sister of the psychotic child molester together with the girly boy who was dumped for Madonna by the airheaded jiggle queen who just had her four-hour Vegas marriage annulled. He can sing about having her naked by the end of the song and then rip off her blouse, exposing one breast pierced by a ten-penny spike and the other, dyed white, with "Just say no to war with Iraq" tattooed on it!"

No doubt, the lone person at the meeting with even a fingernail clinging to reality would then speak up.

"Don't you think that might be a jot too progressive for some in the audience?"

"Maybe you're right," comes the reply. "The Cro Magnon Right would have a hissy fit. How about exposing one breast, tastefully decked out with a nipple ring in the form of a starfish?"

Unanimous consent is followed by a trip to Starbucks for a latte and, voilla, America has another entertainment extravaganza to rival Singing In The Rain.

I am reminded of the story of how a frog, if placed in a pot of water that is then brought to a slow boil, will not realize his fate until it is too late. A frog that is simply tossed into a pot of boiling water, however, will immediately jump out.( I wonder what one of the Budweiser frogs would do?) It seems stunningly obvious to me that the last few decades have been a pot slowing coming to a boil.

Sure, you can call me old-fashioned. After all, I grew up in an age when Ray Nitschke seemed a jot untamed. Stacked up against Ray Lewis or Ray Carruth, he comes off as David Niven. Sure, a half-time show of the Parkettes doing high school cheerleading routines might seem pretty mundane, but I can't ditch the feeling that today's Pepsi Generation, as their government-supplied genital warts medication keeps getting more expensive and the rust stains ooze from their tackle-box faces, will be left muttering that, "nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

And meanwhile, back in the cave, a lanky lunatic and his swarthy comrades, having teased the Pats and over, chortle to themselves, "This is going to be a lot easier than we thought."

Save your money, children, it's going to be a long, hot summer.

Guy Green

St. Paul, Minnesota

[Rays_Dad]

Very good Guy. What a lot of us are thinking

[Grumpy Bear]

Damn right. Good post.

[Eala]

prurient commercials featuring ... bagpipe players soothing their genitals with nitrogen

Huh? I wasn't watching last night.... (Maybe a good thing, from the sound of it?)

[Cindy]

"Adult Entertainment" is just another name for perversion.

From the time I was a very little girl, my family and I would watch The Super Bowl. When I got married and started my own family, we would watch The Super Bowl. We always thought of The Super Bowl as family entertainment. We were wrong.

[newgeezer]

This is the best thing we've given Osama bin Laden to motivate his militant Islamic "troops" since the Britney-Madonna tongue-lashing.

[Cindy]

Resource Link...

FCC INFO ON HOW TO FILE A COMPLAINT
http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/complaints.html

[EggsAckley]

Excellent! Very nice writing, and it really hits home. When 9/11 first happened, a lot of people were saying that Britney Spears and her ilk were one of the reasons the A-rabs hate us.

[EggsAckley]

Oh, and I LOVE your title, btw!!

[Eala]

This is odd. The article is here, but I can't find it in the lists anymore...

[Eala]

This is odd. The article is here, but I can't find it in the lists anymore...

[MizSterious]

No kidding. Apparently, we must now consider the SB to be "R" rated, if not "X."

And on another thread, there are people who insist this display didn't "hurt anyone." TOB explained it better than I ever could.

[jocon307]

And the worst part is, it is just pandering. The whole half-time show stunk, as it usually has in recent years. If these "entertainers" would only take the time, make the effort to put on a really good show they wouldn't have to resort to sensationalism to get people talking. And low-rent, half-baked sensationalism at that.

The NFL should produce their own half-time show next year. Hire some really good talent. Like the woman who did the choreography for the Producers, and Music Man on B'way, Susan Strohman, I think is her name. Team her up with the best marching band in the country (college or high school, or both!). Let me recommend a song for them (heavy, super heavy drum-line) "Dancing in the Light" by the band Entrain. If they'd make an effort, they could really WOW everyone with something that would appeal to anyone. Real quality does that, Sunday's show was nothing but an extravaganza of hacks.

[JustPlainJoe]

Cindy, you are exactly right!

All they need is talent. It's the SUPER-BOWL, for goodness sake! They do not need any more hype, glitz and fireworks! All they need is someone with GENUINE talent up there. They would be a sensation. But, looking at todays entertainment world that might be hard to find.

[Johnny Gage]

Great read and Welcome to FR.

Are you from Minnesota?

From any of the main pages, click on your FR Name in the upper right corner.

Then click on "My Locale" and select the state you're from.

This will give you access to read/post messages on your FR-State message board.

[supercat]

Real quality does that, Sunday's show was nothing but an extravaganza of hacks.

Perhaps all the good talent declined to be a part of the Superbowl Halftime Show because they perceived what a cesspool it was becoming. But I for one would really like to see a cast-of-hundreds-if-not-thousands production with marching bands, the Rockettes, or some other large stage spectacle. I'm sure there are many 'nameless' but disciplined and talented people who would jump at a chance to be a part of a big wholesome stage event.