DFU SONG: I Will Follow Him (no, Teresa will maim John Kerry if she catches him cheating)

DFU SONG PARODIES | 2-2004 | Lyrics, Doug from Upland

[doug from upland]

She's talked about her serious work on education, pensions, the arts and the environment. But she's also discussed her prenuptial agreement, her Botox treatments and how she'd "maim" an unfaithful husband. She's said she'd be a "ninny" if she didn't have strong opinions at her age (64, five years older than Kerry).
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http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/7921/miscell.html

MIDI - SISTER ACT

I’m Teresa Heinz…I’m a billionaire, not stepping stone
If my man decides he will cheat…I’ll teach him a lesson so that he won’t want to repeat

I’m Teresa Heinz…if a stained dress makes the evening news
I will not accept it, you’ll see…you’ll find I am nothing like that witch Hillary…that witch Hillary

I’ll hurt him, I’ll hurt him, I’ll hurt him
I’ll torture and I’ll maim him, I’ll maim him, I’ll maim him

I will torture him…till his head is ready to explode
I value fidelity most…I’ll burn his you know what and I’ll turn it to toast

(I’ll hurt him, I’ll hurt him)

I will torture him…not bake cookies and stand by his side
With my heart no man better toy
That’s not what I bargained to get from Ketchup Boy…my dear Ketchup Boy

I’ll hurt him…he can’t pull that on me
I’ll hurt him…watch FOX News and you will see
I’ll hurt him…the Taliban will seem somewhat tame
I’ll hurt him…until he will give up her name

Oh yes, I’ll hurt him, I’ll hurt him, I’ll hurt him
I’ll torture and I’ll maim him, I’ll maim him, I’ll maim him
He’ll find out I won’t take it, won’t take it, won’t take it
Not now and no, not ever, not ever, not ever

With my heart no man better toy
That’s not what I bargained to get from Ketchup Boy…my dear Ketchup Boy

[WinOne4TheGipper]

I trolled over at DU and said that "we" need a morally upright person and that Kerry couldn't beat Bush. HeeHee.

[per loin]

She's a wealthy nutcase who wants to spread her visions into the lives of the peasantry. She will back Kerry as long as it looks like he can gain the presidency.

[doug from upland]

They are dipping into an empty well. There are no moral people in the RAT portfolio.

[doug from upland]

Someone has claimed this is a fake that has been photo-shopped. I am not sure ---

[whadizit]

"She will back Kerry as long as it looks like he can gain the presidency."

For all her tough talk about not being a Hillary Clinton and torturing Kerry if she caught him cheating, let's see if she meant what she said. I doubt it cause this story has been around for some time and surely she knew. There was probably more than one. I hope someone has a tape of her "tough" talk and will have the nads to play it. he-he

[doug from upland]

Perhaps it is time to send postcards with risque messages from women to John with lipstick on them. It would be such a shame if she saw them.

[whadizit]

ROTFLMAQ!!!

What a kewl idea!! 'cept I would be afraid of FBI tracking.

[doug from upland]

Ping.