Patience – Morons Need to Eat, Too

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune, ^ | April 6, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

I concede every objection you might have to this piece. We live in a nation of such bounty and ease that only the most cramped and pampered citizen can have the sort of complaint displayed below. Luckily for you, I am that citizen. Let's begin.

Question for the audience: Is there something about a grocery cart that generates a field of impenetrable self-absorption? I do the grocery shopping for our family, and I pride myself on General Cart Awareness. There's someone behind me. Move along. Make a path. But this appears to be the exception; most shoppers, I've noted, hew to the following templates for cart placement:

The Park and Block. This is the most basic means of blocking an aisle. You stop your cart, then stand in the passing lane as you consider whether to get the Fisher's Golden Roasted Nuts or the Planters Dry Roasted Nuts. On one hand, Planters has the power of a brand, with a cheery mascot. Who doesn't love Mr. Peanut? Of all your legumes, he's the only spats-wearing peanut with a top hat and a monocle. He's all about humanizing the peanut experience. I mean, why the monocle? It's not like peanuts have ocular nerves. On the other hand, Golden Roast sounds better than dry roast … I mean, if someone came up to you and said "Golden, or Dry" which would you choose? And forget we're even talking peanuts now. General principle.

-snip-

[an amused spectator]

LOL! Great post, quidnunc. Ain't it the truth - Lileks strikes again! :-)

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[jocon307]

"Parked in such a way that it didn't exactly take up an extra spot, but made that other spot useless."

This is brilliant!

I fear I am guilty of many of the enumerated shopping cart sins. But I always remember what one comedienne said(although I can't remember who said it): It's not really YOUR stuff until you BUY it!

[RightWingAtheist]

If it weren't for Lileks, the Red Star-Trib would be worthless

[Americanchild]

LOL! This strikes close to home! I was in the store one day and some woman was squeezing around behind me trying to shove me out of the way. But I couldn't move because her grown daughter was completely blocking the way with her cart! When i pointed this out to the 'shover' she started screaming and cussing me out! Several aisles later she was still trying to pick a fight!!

I coulda taken her...really...I coulda...

[rockrr]

OK, I bit (Went to read the whole thing).
I guess that it's true that common courtesy is dead.
The author wants a cowcatcher for his cart. I prefer them just the way they are.
Once upon a time I was a considerate shopper, too. But I got tired of being knocked into, locked out, insulted, and slighted. I learned that the only way was to fight fire with fire.
If some mouth-breather intentionally "on accident" blocked the entire aisle with her cart, I would turn my head slightly (as if I were searching for something on the shelves) and run my cart right into her (Those shopping carts tend to hit right above the ankle). Then I would offer up a profuse "Oh! I didn't see you there!"
Please note that I didn't invent this technique - I learned it from some female who used it on my 10 year old daughter!
I still treat people with consideration, but I won't take any crap from anyone. I'm not about to make a federal case out of someone who brings 14 items to a 10 & under lane, but refuse to back down from someone who play bully, knowing that most folks will acquiesce to them. I've actually had people take things out of my cart!

Adventures in shopping!

[Henrietta]

"Shopping carts need horns. "

I dunno, "Excuse me" seems to work just fine 'round here.

[AAABEST]

Ping!

[codyjacksmom]

I must admit...I HATE shopping. Shopping of all kinds. Grocery is the absolute worst. I have gotten so bad, that my husband refuses to go with me...or I make him go. I have tried the "excuse me" bit, without success, so many times that I finally gave up on it. I will push a cart out of my way with my cart or hand. I will mutter, not to quietly I'm afraid, many phrases about "stupid" people. I go in, get what I need, and get out as fast as possible. I swear that people just lose their common sense as soon as those automatic doors open...doors open, brains freeze. No wonder my husband won't go with me.....