Answer, but No Cure, for a Social Disorder That Isolates Many

NY Times ^ | April 29, 2004 | AMY HARMON

[Robert Teesdale]

Fascinating article. I did some quick reading online, and it makes quite a bit of sense. Having worked in the IT industry for many years, it's quite easy to see how much of this sort of behavior, so common there, may actually have a genetic/biological underpinning.

[cyborg]

I appreciate your honesty. That's what I like about FR.

[annyokie]

I think it's terrific that you now have a diagnosis and are aware enough to work on it.

Not to riff on me too long, but for many years I denied that I had epilepsy. I took meds off and on for years figuring that I was "fine" and it was too much stress or not enough sleep that caused the seizures. I finally, at 44 realized that I am NOT fine and I had better take my phenobarbital every day or I could kill myself in the car or my children or someone else who was innocently going about thier business when I seized and crashed into them. Thank God, I have always either been at home or at work and not driving when I have had the seizures.

My middle son has some of the symptoms you mention. He is socially oblivious and says whatever pops into his mind, many times very hurtful or insensative to the listener. For instance, I had colored my hair and he told me it looked "hideous." He also feels his food all the time, even though he is now 14. Is exquisitley sensative to smells and tastes and noise. What other 14 year old listens to TV with the sound practically turned off? He is a brilliant A student and very intolerant of the lesser intellect of his classmates, yet he won't push himself for fear of failing at the task he has set.

He doesn't just want to be a doctor/lawyer/Indian Chief, he wants to be the Surgeon General, Supreme Court Justice, Cochise. We are trying to get him to lower his sights and set realistic goals since he gives up when he makes a blunder, no matter how small.

[Southflanknorthpawsis]

I agree that it is not funny. I was disappointed that Rush seemed woefully uninformed about autism and Asperger's syndrome.

I have regular contact with a young child who seems to be suffering from some type of autism. It is most evident in her loss of language skills and very obvious in her inability to relate to children she is exposed to. She does not know how to interact socially and it is a very sad thing to watch. She also has many other classic symptoms. It has nothing to do with shyness. Rush sounded ignorant to use that description.

I didn't even bother to read the story, but I heard Rush speak of it and cringed when he poked fun.

[NJ_gent]

"You sound like the swine that made my gradeschool years a hell on earth, not only tormenting me for my relative social ineptness but also having the unmitigated gall to "blame the victim"."

Bump.

[AntiGuv]

Thanks. It's extraordinarily rare that I'll talk about the subject because I don't like to think of my childhood & teens. I spent so many years willing myself not to remember them that they are but an evanescent blur to me now even when I try. It's actually quite an interesting experience when some vivid memory will burst into consciousness after not having remembered it since then.

Those three realizations however were so memorable they've always been as crystal clear to me as if they'd happened yesterday. I can picture each one like it's happening right now.

Anyhow, I just went into this because some of the comments above were extremely ignorant and insensitive...

[cyborg]

It is appreciatead. I know too well how cruel people can be just because their brains and their buttholes have exchanged places :(

[PurVirgo]

thank you so much for your insight.

[AntiGuv]

I think it's terrific that you now have a diagnosis and are aware enough to work on it.

It's definitely helped! When I first came on the discovery it seemed so pointless because there's no cure, but just the self-awareness to work with it and modulate your life accordingly can make a huge difference.

In any event, it does sound as if your middle son may very well have some elements (at least related) though I'm definitely not trained to make any kind of diagnosis, to say the least. The good thing is that people can and certainly do live very successful lives with Asperger's and other mild forms of autism. The biggest impediment is of course in the realm of self-fulfillment and self-valuation and emotional well-being, but it can all be worked out. Of course, the severity and particular arrangement of characteristics make a big difference.

Most people that I've known including myself who've dealt with this and other variations of mild autism would say that it becomes much easier in adulthood; that it 'smooths itself out' you could say.

[annyokie]

Thanks. I am fortunate enough to have an undergrad degree in Psychology and have worked with troubled teens enough to know that my boy is "just" a nerd who, like you have, can be coached into modifying his behavior. He has improved a great deal in the last two years.

However, it is exhauasting to us and to him, that he must be corrected about fingering his supper and telling his little brother to shut up every meal.

My main concern is his choice of equally dorky friends who have the same flaws. I have approached their parents about this and get the "boys will be boys" line all the time.

[AntiGuv]

You're quite welcome! I've been planning to work on retrieving my memories and working through all that one of these years, but there always seems to be too many things going on. =)

Yes, people can be very cruel but most of it is just an emotional defense-tactic failure of empathy. Life is cruel.

[RSmithOpt]

I understand the disorder too. Though very sociable for the most part, I myself find myself mentally wandering in social settings sometimes. I can concentrate well on a lecture or something technical, written or oral, but there are times I don't have a clue about what's going on in a social setting because my mind is caught up with something else. It's like being in the center of something and trapped and looking out. I guess it's the way a I process things into the brain. Sometimes, I never even stop to think what another person may be actually thing or feeling. I'm just focused on one thought or subject they have brought up. Those are the days when my brain is busy processing 10-50 sometimes unrelated thoughts at the same time in a 5 minute period. I just figure that it's wasted energy to try and guess at what all someone may be thinking, body language, etc.

Just say want you mean and get on with it!

I can remember dates, numbers and facts to a tee; however, I only remember conversations in a general sense...not exact words, tones of voice, body language, what they were wearing, etc. I've seen lots of movies, but I couldn't tell you a lot about who all was in them, the lines, what the main characters wore in a scene unless it was a really good film (i.e. Shawshank Redemption, Tombstone, etc.)

DAMN! This made my afternoon! Glad to hear I'm not the only one that's screwed up!!.

[Rabid Dog]

I had to admit parts of the article made me laugh - because they are talking about MY SON!!! A painful laugh - but a laugh none the less.

When a family member(s) has Asperger's, it's important to keep a sense of humor!

[annyokie]

Not to pry, but my husband and I both have minds that run a hundred miles an hour while it seems (to us) that everyone else usually runs at about 35 MPH.

I drank a lot when I was younger so I could inversely Keep up with the slower crowd.

[PurVirgo]

I know what you mean. I cannot use the excuse "I forgot" a date, a number, time, a face, or an event... because I remember them perfectly.

LOL - the problem comes when it's putting faces, events, circumstances, etc with them. I'm hopelessly lost.

I went to a casino and showed my ID to the guy (I'm pretty young). He asked me to recite my driver's licence number.

I did.

Perfectly.

Only it was a driver's licence I held in another state, almost 6 years ago.

Talk about a faux-pas. Especially when I argued with him that it was my license number.

[PurVirgo]

When I was in High School, and even now sometimes, I "dumb down" my words and sentences at times.

I never "got" why other people didn't speak the way I did.

Slang is also hard for me sometimes. LOL I somehow always misuse some words and phrases. So I just speak plainly. That can get wierd too.

I also drank and "smoked" to keep up with them too...

[AntiGuv]

Well, for what it's worth, despite what I'm describing it's worth noting (even emphasizing) that I've become very contented and comfortable with my life over the past decade or so. I've found my 'niche'.. =) I guess it's the nature of the thread to focus on the negativity of it all but it's not quite as dismal as it may come across.

More directly on your son: yep, dorkiness is certainly not the most unusual of traits. ;^) They can usually look forward to becoming the more successful people in life. Of course, you surely don't need me to know all that. BTW, the interesting thing with me is that I'm not sure the kids I went to school with would've called me a dork, per se - mainly just "eccentric" and "antisocial" (I distinctly remember both).

They basically thought I was (way, way, way) off in my own world, which was true. The thing is, just to be frank, I was about as attractive as a guy can possibly get and that pretty much took the edge off things. That's just how it is at that age.. Of course, I was totally oblivious until sometime during college to all that and also to why girls kept bothering me so much , but hey! =)

That being said I was extraordinarily unhappy in my teens. I desperately wanted a social life but had no clue how to go about getting one and so I 'deadened' myself emotionally or whatever. The one point I'm getting at is that everything looked fine externally - just very antisocial - but internally it was a big huge mess - and that became very, very clear in my twenties when all hell broke loose..

Like I said, I don't remember my teens in any detail at all - just the broad strokes of what it was like - but there it is.

Now that's enough of that!

[Blue_Ridge_Mtn_Geek]

Yes, institutions that are designed to "normalize" their inmates do have difficulty with those who don't fit their routine.

That's why we pulled our son from middle school and homeschooled him until he was ready for college. He graduated last year. I doubt if he'll ever fit into a conventional workplace (office or production facility), but he has marketable skills and is learning how to market them on his own. We're proud of his progress. Sorry to hear about your facilitiy.

Suggested readings:

http://www.cantrip.org/gatto.html

http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/index.htmhtml

[annyokie]

My son is a very handsome boy as well. I know that all mom's say that, but I have complete strangers tell what a gorgeous boy he is.

Yes, he is perplexed about girls "pestering" him as well. I have ever hope that we can pull him out of the geekiness and he will live a useful life.

Thanks for your insight!

[Godebert]

"IT IS A TYPE OF AUTISM. I HAVE THIS DISABILITY. dont make fun of it!"

That explains it then....I just thought you were a dork.