Answer, but No Cure, for a Social Disorder That Isolates Many

NY Times ^ | April 29, 2004 | AMY HARMON

[Travis McGee]

I'm glad to see AS getting some attention, but this article is not a serious look at all of the manifestations of this disorder.

Nowhere does it mention the shattering meltdowns which can last for hours when the frustration explodes. Nowhere does it mention screaming, running away, tearing things up, extreme depression to the point of posting a danger to yourself. Nowhere does it mention extreme anger. This article makes AS almost sound like a fun little quirky minor disorder. It's NOT.

I can't help it if some parent played the system for a truly "just lazy" kid. That does NOT mean AS isn't a very real and very, very serious malady. Those of us who live with seriously afflicted AS kids know better. It turns families inside out, trying to cope. It can break up marriages, it can lead to things I don't even want to discuss on an open forum.

It's damn serious, and damn real.

[Travis McGee]

My 12 year old son's an AS kid. I'm with you.

[Travis McGee]

Piss off. You should spend a year walking in some of our shoes. Then you'd know.

[Travis McGee]

Dear Admin Moderator: do we really need a sadistic bastard on Free Republic who makes fun of people with serious disabling afflictions?

[Salvation]

Social skills can be learned -- even at an adult age.

Think about how a baby learns social skills through the interactions of first, parents, then, siblings, then other adults and playmates.

[xm177e2]

Ah yes, another syndrome. Just one more excuse in the "I'm not responsible" file!

I'm just glad I'm not responsible for your ------- comments.

[leadpenny]

Thanks AG.

Incredible article.

The things I learn on FR - and in the middle of the night, too.

[PGalt]

Thanks for the ping. Interesting.

[Eaker]

Prayers for you, yours and your son.

Don't sweat the assholes here, they could not cope, just don't know it.

Eaker

[RSmithOpt]

Yep. Amazingly similar. I still have a good drink from time to time to slow my mind down (relax) and enjoy the boredom. I am routinely accused of giving a multifaceted response or droping a question that is too complicated for some to reply to. I think it hurts them to think 3-D.

[RSmithOpt]

LMAO! Hope you won some at the casino. I love craps. Nothing like it when the table is hot. Blackjack is OK too. It takes a little effort to count a 6 deck shoot. Paid for a 7 day cruise at 19 (then you could gamble and drink at 18 in international waters) playing Blackjack. Bought a book and learned craps in 20 minutes and took some of the winnings from Blackjack and made some at the craps tables. I was hooked then. Vegas is pure sensory overload. Came back from the Caribbean with 2 cases of Carlsburg Elephant beer and an extra $800 and nothing else but the memories. Not to brag, but I'll never forget that cruise. I wasn't just very lucky in the casino, either. Snicker Snicker.

[RSmithOpt]

Don't mean to butt in.....I grew up in Boone, NC (60s - mid 70s) Didn't hang with many peers in Watauga High School. I had a few close friends that included jocks, 'heads', geeks, and hillbillies. Most of my buddies and girlfriends were from ASU. Never cared about what was in style then either. I still wear jeans, flannel shirts or t-shirts, and hiking boots most of the time and grumble when I have to wear a tux or suit. From your post, your wife is the definition of 'cool'. To me, being cool is not following the mainstream herd of sheeple and not giving a sh$t what others may think because I don't follow the crowd. I know what I want to do. :)

[tiamat]

Wow!

You've done SO MUCH!

Thank you, too, for your words of encouragement.

It actually HAS gotten better.

Since she is a bordeer-line case, she was diagnosed late. We had no idea what was causing the strange behavior and the melt-downs.

Been a real relief to find out what the deal was and to know that she wasn't just being naughty, or refusing to talk.

We are mosing soon and i am praying that a "fresh start" will help her.

[sarasota]

Sounds a lot like my daughter. These kids learn to compensate for not having friends (she's had one, another aspie) so I make sure she gets lots and lots of kindness and love from me. I'm looking into summer camps now, camps designed for these kids, and believe this will give her a real sense of herself.

[sarasota]

Well said and thanks for the insightful post. It does smooth itself out in later years. It's because these kids are slow to mature and need time for their developmental age to catch up to their chronological age.

[sarasota]

You're right. And without the social instincts, these kids have to memorize scripts many times in order to get it "right".

[FITZ]

By the time he finished reading, his face was wet with tears.

I can see why Rush mocked this --- someone who is really asocial isn't going to cry about it --- they wouldn't care.

[RSmithOpt]

I'm a little weird too.

'T' hang in there with her, cause your kid has character (her dedication to work hard). Take the pain you feel for her now and turn it to faith, hope, and love. I have a brother similar to her, unique in his own way. I don't have one friend that doesn't love him to death and when we were younger, I felt the same way as you when other kids treated him with callous disregard. Your daughter will absolutely cool and fine in life. As long as she can always talk to you about how she feels, your encouragement and older wisdom will polish her inner strengths. You know something, some of the greatest people in history weren't 'normal' according the the sheeple masses.

[FITZ]

Because she's different. She says odd, strange things. She doesn't follow the crowd. Breaks my heart.

I have a son like that --- but he's perfectly happy --- he's never called up a friend, none call him, he's never brought home a friend, he's perfectly happy to go to school but he's asocial --- happy in his own world, taking broken radios apart, playing with anything electronic, growing plants. He doesn't care what the crowd is doing, he seems to prefer animals --- horses, dogs, etc to human companions. Even the teachers don't think he's got a problem even though he has no friends because he seems quite happy, suffers from no peer pressure. He doesn't get picked on either --- I think if anything the others really he really doesn't care enough about their opinion and if anything he's well-liked at school.

[FITZ]

The good thing is that people can and certainly do live very successful lives with Asperger's and other mild forms of autism. The biggest impediment is of course in the realm of self-fulfillment and self-valuation and emotional well-being, but it can all be worked out.

How can a mild form really be a diagnosis? I think it could be risky to put labels on what is really within normal behavior --- asocial tendencies --- where someone is happy without friends isn't an illness. True autism would interfere with success --- I think that's why this article would be criticized. Just not being popular isn't an illness.