I would live a normal life and the piece of my heart that was my childs would die with him/her.
I would never defend his/her's actions, I would have NO RESPECT for him/her and would say so and without respect love is hollow and I would be ashamed enough to never go out of my way to acknowledge him/her in anyway. I am a father of 6 with 5 living and all over 38 years of age. I also have NO PROBLEM stating this because it is the truth.
OUCH. My heart went out to you reading your post. Perhaps I misconstrued it. But it sounds like there's been trainloads of pain back there somewhere. IF so and you ever want to run any of it out with me on FREEPMAIL or whatever, please feel free.