I have always heard, even from fellow mental health professionals, that great parents can have a terrible son.
I have, in 57 years of watching families closely, NEVER observed it.
I have always been able to find--with enough questions, PLENTY of responsibility on the part of the parents parenting practices; lack of heart to heart caring and bonding etc.--especially the first 6-8 years of life.
Of course, parents are never very happy to realize they have been in any way responsible for a child turning out less well than the child might have turned out.
Blame seems to be a national constitutional right.
Certainly children are still responsible for their behavior. But there is a reason that 75%+ of prison populations come from horrid parenting.
After the fact, it is easy to see everything. Your questions are designed to elicit the answers you WANT to hear. Most WANT to believe the parents have to be rotten because it makes them feel safely immune. You must also remember that the child is influencing the parenting as much as the parenting is influencing the child.
It's easy to be a good parent to a great kid. It is MUCH harder to be a good parent to a kid with difficulties.
I would have agreed with this statement before I had kids, but now I'm not so sure. I am on the tail end of parenting a very difficult young man, and I was a great parent. I supported him in everything, sent him to a wonderful private Christian school, attend every game and practice, and most importantly, held him accountable for his actions. Yet,he still ended up a mess as a teenager. Looking back, I realize he was a difficult child all along. From birth through today, if I say black, he says white. Thankfully, I am beginning to see a change, and Lord willing he is signing up for the Coast Guard on Thursday. What explains his defiance? My Biblical World View teaches me that "The heart is desperately wicked as the sparks fly upward," and he chose to yield to it's calling. Thank God things are beginning to change.
Great parents. No one knows why their one child out of 5 went wrong. They did the same thing 5 times, and failed once. Not their fault.
They trust the New York Times and never mentioned God, or repentence, or forgiveness. This tells me all I need to know about these folks-- they have a long, long way to go. I find it extremely sad.
The truth is that in this world, we ALL have cause for anger and are tempted to hopelessness. The answer to the problems of the world is not of the world.