"$iNATOR MCCAINAL, DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT I WAS IN VIET NAM?"
$iNator McCainal's response, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"
Posted on 06/01/2004 5:12:40 AM PDT by crushkerry
America, according to Big Media, is just wild about the thought of a Kerry-McCain ticket. We share their enthusiasm, albeit for much different reasons. You see, far from a “Dream Team,” we believe both John Kerry and John McCain are on the edge of sanity and would present Americans with a truly unbalanced ticket … and provide crushkerry.com with great copy for the rest of the campaign.
Let’s start with John McCain.
Americans briefly thought (and Big Media still does) that the McCain’s attitude problem was just a charming side-effect of his maverick nature. We now know that McCain is just nuts.
We are only armchair shrinks here at crushkerry.com, but we recognize Antisocial Personality Disorder when we see it: failure to conform to social norms, deceitfulness, impulsivity, irritability, consistent irresponsibility, lack of remorse. Sound like anyone you know? A certain Senator from Arizona whose name is not John Kyl, perhaps?
Let us present you with an example. In November, 2002 the lovable rake appeared on The Daily Show. Host John Stewart jokingly asked him if the Republican triumph earlier that month meant all Americans would “have to go out and buy guns.”
”The Bushmaster is popular right now,” McCain quipped. The audience of brainless sheep dutifully laughed.
McCain was referring to the weapon of choice of DC sniper John Mohammed and his protégé John Malvo. These two murderers had used a Bushmaster rifle to slay 10 innocent people over 23 days in the greater Washington, DC area.
McCain’s comments were the most insensitive thing we’ve heard an American politician say in a long time. But because it was John McCain – that lovable maverick --Big Media could not have cared less.
The example is perfectly emblematic of John McCain’s worldview: the feelings of the survivors and languishing fears of the victimized communities in Maryland, DC and Virginia mattered naught. John McCain was on TV, dammit. That’s all that counted.
This is why we thrill at the thought of McCain on the ballot. His mania for the perfect headline would lead him down a spiraling pit of absurdity until all the world sees him as we do. It would only be a matter of time.
Slightly less insane (only slightly) would be the figure on the top of the ticket, John Kerry. To begin with, Kerry is a paranoiac. Nary a day passes in which Kerry doesn’t publicly brood about the schemes of the “Republican Attack Machine” who are no more real to those of us on the outside world than Kerry’s ghostly “foreign leaders.” (We are reasonably certain this “Attack Machine” exists only in John Kerry’s mind … but if we’re wrong, could someone please send us a membership application?)
Further, it is one thing to say John Kerry is a liar. But John Kerry is more than that … he is a pathological liar. He honestly believes the words coming out of his mouth at any given time are always true, even when they are manifestly and demonstrably false. Example:
During his 1996 re-election campaign Kerry debated his opponent, Republican Governor William Weld nine times. But first, by way of background, it’s important to note that between heiresses, John Kerry essentially lived hand-to-mouth. (Teresa calls these years Kerry’s “gypsy years”.) He didn’t even have a place to live, nor enough money to buy a place. So in return for a swank Boston townhouse apartment at a discounted rate, Kerry helped secure taxpayer funds for some of real estate developer Wesley Finch’s government subsidized housing. It was your standard, run-of-the-mill political payoff.
During the ninth Kerry-Weld debate, Weld brought up John Kerry’s sweetheart deal with Finch. But he didn’t just mention it. He pulled an article out of his breast pocket that substantiated the charge and held it up for the camera.
John Kerry left his podium. He walked right over to Weld. Held his long, bony finger in the Governor’s face and said, “Governor, you are a liar. I can’t believe you would sink so low as to say something so untrue. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Any and all watching – I among them – believed Weld had gone to far, Kerry was so convincing in his retort.
Mind you Weld was holding the article in his hand. And the next day the Boston papers beat up on old Kerry pretty good for his obvious overacting and falsity. But there is no way Kerry knew he was lying at the time. In his demented little mind he was telling the truth, and his conviction came across the television screen in a powerful way. That is the definition of pathological.
So you can see how excited we are at the thought of these two basket cases running around the county scaring the hell out of every voter they get near. Please, please … give us Kerry-McCain in ’04.
Sorry, please correct title. I was trying to italicize the "Un" in the title (as it is in the original post) but it obviously didn't work.
Ping.
Cannot stand McCain. Self-righteous, fickle phony with an ugly temper--but the neocons, the jock-sniffers, are so infatuated with him.
Wouldn't McCain have to "officially" switch parties?
Bipartisan balanced ticket or bipolar unbalanced ticket?
Nah,then it loses its luster. If McCain ever loses the (R) behind his name he ceases to be the "maverick" the press so loves to put on to bash his own party.
Janet Reno is her father.
"Joke" told by Insane John McCain.
John McCain is a contemptable human being. He makes my stomach churn and my bowels clench.
His wife, Cindy, had a mild stroke about six weeks ago, so I don't think he would put that kind of stress on her. I understand she recovered fully.
It seems obvious to me that McCain gets absolutely nothing out of being on such a ticket.
He'll be shoved aside by the Dems and he knows it DESPITE what they might say pre-election. One of Clinton's legacies is that "every sentence will be parsed."
He'll NOT be in line for the sucession to presidency....no way the dems would support that.
He'll become a reviled creature by many of his countrymen who are republicans and/or conservatives.
He's a big player as a very senior Senator and he's totally inconsequential as a VP.
I predict he will NOT even entertain the idea.
"$iNATOR MCCAINAL, DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT I WAS IN VIET NAM?"
$iNator McCainal's response, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"
No. About the only thing party registration counts for in a legal sense is what ballot you get handed on primary election days (and not even that, if you live in a state with open primaries). What matters for politicians is which party they caucus with in official matters; for example, who you caucus with in the legislative body of which you are a member, or whose side you take up with during a nomination process.
However, in reality one thing is without question: If McCain were to become Kerry's VP candidate, the only thing that would stop Senate Republicans from throwing him out of their caucus would would be their slim one-vote majority. Otherwise McCain would be shunned and become a de facto independent, no matter whether he called himself a Republican or not.
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