Adult Children Speak Out About Same-Sex Parents

via the Corner at NRO | Maggie Gallagher

[annyokie]

ADULT CHILDREN SPEAK OUT ABOUT SAME-SEX PARENTS

It was the TV pictures that first got to Bronagh Cassidy. Same-sex couples marrying in San Francisco: "They were so proud of themselves. And then they had these little children with them." Cassidy, a 27-year-old married mother of two, sighs. "Something inside of me wants to be able to help those kids, because I know they are going to have problems." Sound ignorant, maybe even bigoted? This week, as the Senate is expected to begin debate on a constitutional amendment to protect marriage, many voices will try to convince you that people like Cassidy are, as Cheryl Jacques, head of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group, put it in a recent letter, "hate-filled people who will stop at nothing to achieve their discriminatory, offensive goals."

But Cassidy knows better: She is one of the first generation of "gayby boom" babies, raised by two moms. Adult children of same-sex parents are rare. I recently came across Cassidy's story by accident, after she e-mailed a friend of mine who is a family scholar.

Back in 1976, Cassidy's mom had a religious ceremony with a woman named Pat. To make Cassidy, they did artificial insemination at home, mixing the sperm of two gay friends "to make sure nobody would ever know who the father was," says Cassidy. (That was in the days before widespread DNA testing.) The two women stayed together for 16 years, until Pat died. Three years later, Cassidy's mother married a man.

What was it like for Cassidy being raised by two women she called "Mom" and "My Pat"?

"When growing up, I always had the feeling of being something unnatural," Cassidy says. "I came out of an unnatural relationship; it was something like I shouldn't be there. On a daily basis, it was something I was conflicted with. I used to wish, honestly that Pat wasn't there."

Why does she oppose same-sex marriage? "It's not something that a seal of approval should be stamped on: We shouldn't say it is a great and wonderful thing and then you have all these kids who later in life will turn around and realize they've been cheated. The adults choose to have that lifestyle and then have a kid. They are fulfilling their emotional needs -- they want to have a child -- and they are not taking into account how that's going to feel to the child; there's a clear difference between having same-sex parents and a mom and a dad."

Sounds judgmental in print. But up close, Cassidy comes across as fiercely protective of her mom (Cassidy is a pen name she's adopted to protect her mom's privacy). Like many children of same-sex parents, she was expected to defend and protect her mothers from society's homophobia. Her own troubled feelings about her family life were clearly unacceptable to her parents. Even now, the prospect of speaking about her own experience gives her the shakes.

Cassidy's story is not science. It's just her own feelings. Many researchers say most kids do just fine in these alternative family forms. Cassidy doesn't buy that research, though. "I don't think a fair study could be conducted because children currently in that family wouldn't necessarily be open to speaking their true feelings about it."

A few years back, she watched "20/20" interviews with children like her. "They were asked questions like: 'Are you happy? Do you love your parents?' I don't think it's fair to ask them those questions. These are their parents. They aren't going to say they are suffering, because they don't want to make their parents feel bad."

Some people will say if Cassidy's mom and "my Pat" had been legally married, everything would have been fine. Cassidy doesn't think so. "Even if society were open to it, there's just the whole issue of your self-identity. I always had the feeling I was in a lab experiment."

She feels driven to do something, say something to protect other children like her. "Whenever I see it on TV, something inside of me says NO. I don't think it's fair that the kids are being put in this situation. They don't have a choice about it."

Do any other adult children with same-sex parents feel the same way? Will we allow any space in this intense debate between adult combatants for something as simple as one child's feelings?

(Readers may reach Maggie Gallagher at MaggieBox2004@yahoo.com.)

COPYRIGHT 2004 MAGGIE GALLAGHER

[nopardons]

Oh,then an occasional beating is okay? What about mental abuse?

There IS "reasoned" thinking here;it's just NOT coming from you.

You're the one,after all,who suggested that 15 year olds should marry and be mothers,with no chance of divorce.You're the one who claimed that most of us had grandmothers,who married and had kids at 15.I bet that I'm a lot older than you are and my beloved maternal grandmother,who was born in 1895 got married less than a month and a 1/2 shy of her 21 birthday,was in the NORMAL age range for that time period.It was her mother,born in 1869 who married at 23,who married a wee bit later than was "normal" for her time.

But do run away...you can't win this debate with your weird protestations.

[annyokie]

He's starting to remind me of the "fundamentalist" insurance cheat in Washington with the barefoot wife and daughters.

[nopardons]

You just nailed it! LOL

And he highjacked the thread to boot.

[not2worry]

I agree, that homosexual couples who adopt children are absolutely selfish. IMHO they are trying to make themselves "normal".

Kids have it hard enough with peer pressure, much less being adopted and having to explain by no choice of their own that they have two same-sex parents.

One travisty that happened in my niece's school to one of these poor kids, was not only were the "parents" same-sex, but the one guy was a cross-dresser. He showed up dressed in full drag as a volunteer for the class field-trip. The school was taken off-guard and I am sure the poor kid, by no choice of his own, will never quite be the same.

Children need to be protected, and this is the worse kind of child abuse an innocent can experience in life.

[Dianna]

Yes but we don't always get what we wish for. That is my point. She's already born and grown up.

I have a cousin like that. Her father died six months before she was born and her twin brother was stillborn. She just cannot seem to get past it. It's an awful sad thing to deal with, but at some point you have to say, "It happened. Ok. Now I move on."

She seems stuck on, "But it REALLY sucks!" And it does, no doubt about it. There just is no answer for "Why?" But staying there, asking, "why?" forever doesn't move you forward.

[VeniVidiVici]

Predatory sperm clinics ...

I think this can be classified as an oxymoron.

And why is the visual I keep getting of Monica Lewinsky? (2d time tonight - between berets and Predatory sperm clinics I should probably turn-in)

[MeekOneGOP]

I have a Liberal friend that sympathizes with the gays, but he is not gay. We go round and round on this all the time. He says that he prefers the gays to be out in the open with their gayness (out of the closet, everyone knows). I tell him I would prefer NOT to know - stay in the closet. What they do in their own homes is their business, I suppose. But when they come out and try to IMPOSE the lifestyle on society is when I get bent out of shape. It's the "IN YOUR FACE" Gay Activism that I oppose vehemently. These "Gay Parades", insisting on the granting of Gay Marriage on society, and all that BS. Yeah, I guess I'm "intolerant", too.

I am opposed to Gay Marriage. If they want the same rights as being married, they can do that. It is called a "power of attorney". And it's cheap enough. Marriage is between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN !

---

Right after Faggachusetts passed the gay marriage thing, the legal trouble began:

Newly Married Lesbian Couple Files Suit
They filed a medical suit ONE DAY after getting married.

barf alert!

MICHAEL STUPARYK/TORONTO STAR

Michael Stark, left, and Michael Lashner pop champagne
and kiss after their wedding ceremony yesterday.
Leshner called the ruling, "Day One for millions of gays
and lesbians around the world."

Gay couple married after ruling
(Toronto, Canada)

B.C. court OK's gay marriage -
first gay couple legally married in British Columbia

Gays Flock to Divorce Court

07-06-2003
Same-sex unions in 'News' -
Dallas Morning News to publish FREE
same sex unions announcements

The Media's Gay Mafia "Queers" the News

Useful Idiot Caption-A-Rama: Special Gay Pride Edition!

Gay frat seeks approval from UT-San Antonio
(See #39 for some humor)

Black gays launch ‘marriage equality’ campaign

---

Okay, okay. Off my soapbox now. < /rant > < /soapbox >

[SunnySide]

"I agree, that homosexual couples who adopt children are absolutely selfish. IMHO they are trying to make themselves "normal"."


True, isn't it odd that the "play house" queers want to ingratiate themselves into the hetero image when it is they who rail against heteros so often. Often insulting refering to heteros as "breeders". Seem they are envious and jealous. Me thinks they doth protest too much.



"Queers, UNnatural and they always need a third party"
... or an all out orgie (blech) complete with plenty of sperm mixers and swizzle sticks. Lord deliver us from evil.

[SunnySide]

http://mrgrumman.home.comcast.net/TorontoGayMarried20030610.JPG

Oh gayg


:P~ ..ewww ..ewww ..ewww

[Happy2BMe]

Thanks Meek, and I only have ONE question:

When is God GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO SODOM AND GOMORRAH?

[Smartass]

Sickening...

[aruanan]

Cassidy's story is not science. It's just her own feelings.

Show's how far "science" has penetrated.

[MeekOneGOP]

[Gabz]

Actually, my gay accountant is a Republican and she and her partner feel the same way this woman does about gays having children.

Every gay person, male or female, I know feels the same way as your accountant and this woman.

OTOH there are gay parent activists who claim they are better parents and role models for their children than my husband and I.....all because we happen to smoke cigarettes.

[metesky]

Cheryl Jacques, head of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group

Jacques: rhymes with fakes.*

*Credit to Howie Carr

[Gabz]

I'm danged glad I got divorced when I did.............I would probably be dead now if I hadn't.

"What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

That only goes so far. And I sure as heck wished he had been banging the secretary, insteading of banging on my face.

I had never believed in divorce and grew up believing it was wrong. When I got married in 1984 I firmly believed in "Until do us part"....by 1988 I decided I didn't want it to be my death.

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

[Gabz]

You know me well enough to know I am heterosexual as can be, however I do have a number of gay friends. The interesting thing about them all is that someone had to tell me they were gay because not a one of them is the "in your face" type.

And while most are in long term, monogomous relationships, they all oppose "gay marriage" and despise the "in your face" activists which they consider to be giving them a bad name.

[ValerieUSA]

I'm curious if there was a big age difference between Cassidy's mother and Pat.

[ValerieUSA]

DYI - do yourself it?

[ValerieUSA]

CS Lewis married a divorced woman and raised her son, who admired him greatly.
I think staying in a marriage when the covenant has been broken and is continually mocked is a travesty and dishonorable. I find nothing to admire about the Clinton's marriage - it is more damaging to the institution than a divorce would be, because a divorce would show some respect for the vows, and the seriousness of breaking them.