Posted on 07/19/2004 12:49:59 PM PDT by John Jorsett
It's easy to dismiss Nigerian 419 advance fee fraudsters as a bunch of chancers who prey on the gullible and the greedy and occasionally get lucky. After all, a fool and his money are soon parted, and the victims of these scams have brought financial misfortune on themselves, isn't that right?
However, reader Ben Whitaker has just received a particularly nasty piece of work with the Lads from Lagos written all over it. He notes:
This is a rather sinister twist on 419, where instead of just duping the greedy and stupid, this actually will terrify some new web users, like my grandparents. Imagine this was within the first 100 emails you had ever seen...
Indeed, this mob are making no effort whatsoever to lure in their victims with preposterous yarns of illicit African booty. No, this is much more to the point:
From: Secretary Towogbola [secretary_in_chargeeeee@hotmail.com]
Subject: TREAT AS URGENT ..Ben.. {THIS IS NO JUNK MAIL}
"EXECUTION"EXECUTION"EXECUTION"'
NATIONAL CORPORATION HEADQUATERS LAGOS.PRIVACY. we wish to introduce our company/ourselves as a subsidiary of INTERNATIONAL ASSASINATORS AND WORLD SECURITY ORGANISATIONS,with branches in one hundred and two {102}countires.
we have received a fax message from our headquaters,new york,this morning to inform you to produce a mandatory sum of US$40,000.00 {FOURTHY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS} only,into our account given below in nigeria within ninety six hours{96},alternatively you will be SNIPPED and GUNNED down during the period of our oncoming anniversary of fifty years.
STANDARD TRUST BANK VICTORIA ISLAND BRANCH LAGOS A/C NO. 03681173101152 {OLAJIDE .O. WILLIAMS} NIGERIA
CAUTION.
1.you are to attach and send with immediate effect,the payment slip,confirming the payment and to enable us to reconcile with our files and deploy our men already monitoring you.
2.we will as well waste no time to carry our operations,if we discover that this contact is disclosed to any second party including the following:-
{a}police {b}relation and {c}friends
3.we guarantee your saftey locally and internationally,on the completion of this contract and will not hesitate to disclose our men in your country to you and as well render our service if needed or on request.
we seek your urgent co-operation,for it is not our wish to get you eliminated.
Note : - Your death has been paid for by someone you offended sometime ago and it will be adviceable that you co-operate with us a.s.a.p.
TOWOGBOLA .A.JOHNSON SECRETARY.
Snipped? That's sounds painful, although it seems a bit extravagant for teams of trained killers to be carrying out vasectomies before popping a cap in their victim's ass.
We suppose that publishing this story counts as disclosing this contact to a) police b) relation and c) friends. Accordingly, we have surrounded Vulture Central with Scarface-style security and at this very moment our editor is locked in a room with a grenade launcher awaiting the inevitable arrival of the Ninja assassins.
We hasten to add that he has not, however, just shot his best mate and buried his face in an enormous pile of cocaine.
As for the fiftieth anniversary of INTERNATIONAL ASSASINATORS AND WORLD SECURITY ORGANISATIONS, it's a lovely thought that contract killers celebrate such corporate milestones in a manner befitting their trade - by killing more people. Here's to the next 50...
Man, I'd sure hate like hell to be snipped. Sounds painful as all git out.
I got snipped when I was eight days old. Hurt like Hell. Couldn't walk for over a year.
I was snipped as an infant. Frankly I'm glad I have no memory of that day.
I take it you haven't seen Andy Dick's new reality Series on MTV entitled "Who Wants To Be Andy Dick's Assistant?"
The losers get snipped.
LMAO...
ouch!
Nigerian Circumcision-Assassinations are no laughing matter!
Wonder if "TOWOGBOLA .A.JOHNSON SECRETARY" is a relative?
Maybe the 419'ers found out what "FREEPERS RULE DUERS DROOL" really means.
Just as long as they don't threaten to increase my mortgage rates, to force me to buy prescriptions at the local pharmacy after seeing a doctor, or to reduce the size or strength of my organ.
Uh oh.
Has the statute of limitations run on that yet? If you didn't sign a good informed consent maybe I could help you. . . .
Yeah, you guys go ahead and make fun. Look here what may be in store for YOU!
Suspected Penis Snatcher Beaten to Death
Reuters ^ | Oct. 10, 2003 | unknown staff
Posted on 10/11/2003 9:59:34 AM CDT by wildbill
Suspected Penis Snatcher Beaten to Death Fri October 10, 2003 10:53 AM ET BANJUL (Reuters) - A 28-year-old man accused of stealing a man's penis through sorcery was beaten to death in the West African country of Gambia on Thursday, police said. A police spokesman told Reuters that Baba Jallow was killed by about 10 people in the town of Serekunda, nine miles from the capital Banjul.
Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, with purported victims claiming that alleged sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear in order to extort cash in the promise of a cure.
The police spokesman said many men in Serekunda were now afraid to shake hands, and he urged people not to believe reports of "vanishing" genitals. Belief in sorcery is widespread in West Africa.
Seven alleged penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs in Ghana in 1997.
Do you work for John Edwards? :)
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