Posted on 08/05/2004 8:36:56 PM PDT by farmer18th
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When Yuppies go N.I.M.B.Y. Zoning Issues and the Good Neighbor Policy
1. It almost goes without saying, but if you own property in our little valley and you haven’t built a home yet, consider not building. If you build a home, it might seriously impact our views of the valley, and no one likes to hear the sound of strangers walking around at night. If you have children, especially, please consider that a rural setting like this is just not appropriate for youngsters. They might wander onto our property. Besides, you can save yourself a lot of heartache by avoiding all the design fees and county permits.
2. If you don’t build a home, please be courteous and keep your property properly landscaped and weed-free. During windstorms, dust from your property can cause real problems for your neighbors, so you might want to consider a ground cover. Always remember, though, that it’s best to tell your neighbors when you plan to maintain your garden. Call a few days before you intend to visit your property, and get your neighbor’s approval for any power tools you might be using. If you use a landscaper or lawn service, please let us know his name and phone number, so that we can take action if he wanders onto our property.
3. Many of us moved here because we loved blue skies and farm country that was close enough to the city to let us keep our high-paying, urban jobs. We work hard for a living and we work hard to maintain our homes. If you own a farm here, it’s extremely inconsiderate for you to allow customers onto your land for produce sales on the weekend. That is our rest time. We deal in commerce every day. Perhaps you could consider selling your produce off site, to a broker or retail store. Yes, you might lose money that way, but think of the good it will do the community. Remember, if you do sell produce off site, you need to get your neighbor’s approval for delivery pickups. Diesel trucks are noisy!
4. Many of us are upset with some of you farmers for cutting down fruit trees! Those trees are part of our viewscape. Please keep them in good health, well-watered, and properly pruned. Remember, being a good neighbor helps us all!
5. Some of you farmers have turned your places into agritourist attractions, with petting zoos, farm stays, youth camps, living history displays, even restaurants. It’s hard to imagine how anyone could be so inconsiderate of their neighbors’ peace and tranquility. Yes, many of us first saw your valley by visiting one of these establishments. (Our kids still talk about it!) But now that we’re here, isn’t it about time we preserved our valley for the people who really appreciate it? Do we really want other people up here?
6. We know this is farm country, but, please, consider not raising any animals. One of our first memories of this valley was taking a hayride behind a beautiful team of draft horses. It was rustic, romantic, unforgettable, but now that we live here, we worry that an accumulation of horse droppings might cause an odor problem. (We haven’t actually smelled anything yet, but we’re worried about a precedent. Be a good neighbor and get rid of the animals.)
7. We bought a lovely three acre piece next to a beautiful 500 acre apple orchard. It sure would be nice to go hiking sometime, but some of you farmers have put a gate on your property line. That’s a good and a bad thing. If you have customers, it keeps them from wandering into our property but it also keeps us from wandering onto yours. Perhaps you could give us a key and perhaps you could consider increasing your liability insurance coverage, so that if we’re hurt, you’ll be covered?
8. We all agree that subdivision and more housing is everyone’s enemy in this peaceful little farming valley. The farmer who sold us our three acre piece nearly cried when he had to part with it. His sorrow was a touching counterpoint to our joy. But let’s make sure this never happens again. Be a good neighbor and sign our petition to keep lot sizes 20 acres or more.
9. Having agreed that we need to block subdivisions, can we agree that those of us who are already here should cut each other a little slack on the planning side? We want to build a small guest house for our adult daughter and her family. Is that really going to hurt anyone? Please, people! Be considerate. Be a good neighbor.
10. For heaven’s sake, if you conduct some sort of rural business here in our little valley, keep the profit motive in check. A good rural citizen shouldn’t have a business that’s open for more than three months a year. Let subsistence level living be your motive. Your neighbors don’t work twelve months a year to see you doing the same thing. Be considerate.
11. Having a built a home with all the modern conveniences, in the middle of this beautiful country, we find ourselves now keenly interested in preserving the environment. Have enough studies really been completed here? Perhaps there are species and habitats that we are not protecting, not even considering. Farmers, are you listening? Have you considered organic methods?
12. The proliferation of fruit trees, while enhancing our viewscape, can create a bear problem. Farmers, in addition to keeping your orchards in good condition, you need to keep those bears away from our homes without disturbing the environment. We know you’ll be a good neighbor and find a way.
13. The key to being a good neighbor, in the final analysis, doesn’t really rest in doing unto others what you would have them do unto you. You might be a fairly easy going, flexible person who believes in “living and letting live.” We can’t have that. You might expect the same from us.
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OK. I thought it was serious, then I thought it wasn't then I thought it was.
This is excellent! It's great, send it out for publication, it really skewers the deserving!
Viewscape, lol, good word!
As a lifelong resident from the fastest growing county in my state...ROFL.
Priceless. Thanks
I attended a few of these meetings and listened to the neighbors talk about their "$250,000" homes and how their property would be hurt by "boxcar" homes. I did some investigating by driving around the area to see what a "$250,000" home looked like. Sheesh, you'd think Charlie Manson had gone Mormon and the whole clan had moved into the valley.
Long story short, my in-laws got their zoning and put up their modular home (along with a few stick outbuildings). I've got to say that their property is an enhancement to the valley.
Well, actually, it's "Viewshed," as in "Watershed," etc. Yes, it was good writing and theraputic for me in that it transported me back to endless hours of public hearings on our county's General Plan. The Exurban Refugees would line up and drone on for hours, into the wee small hours, about "protecting our rule environment!"
I guess the public school system of indoctrination never taught them that rural is a two sylable word and not "rule!" I especially like what you wrote about "organic farming." What a crock!!! All these smartasses are good for is making every single thing cost more... including government that seems to be their god!!!
They just love "winning through intimidation" and coopting the shear force of government enforcement!!! You did a good job of capturing their unmitigated gall, insolence and arrogance, thouroghly mixed with audacity!!!
That's excellent. You really caught the flavor of how those folks think.
priceless! :-)
The main gripe is trees that grow and block the view. I'm thinking of doing a night job myself.
Pardon me, is this the line to the Department of Class Warfare?
I'm still cracking up over this one. His neighbors didn't understand the meaning of Agricultural zoning.
What I find profoundly disturbing about our own local zoning discussions, is that people who are otherwise conservative become downright Sierra Club when it comes to anything their neighbors are doing with their land. Within certain very wide bounds, I couldn't give a rip what my neighbors do with their land. Wish they felt the same.
What you do with your land is fine but you must be responsible for the consequences. NIMBYs want all the power and none of the responsibility.
I end up weeding a fair amount other people's property to protect my own, perhaps an additional an additional 8 acres, but fifteen weeks a year of weeding due largely to other people's irresponsibility doesn't seem quite fair. In addition to my neighbor, the real villain is the County. They banned roadside spraying, so they mow. Those damned mowers and ditch cleaning equipment spread everything all over the county. A lot of it is poisonous. Given that we live in one of the mildest climates in the world, everything grows here.
The problem is the sheer volume and dispersion of the weeds my neighbor owns. I simply cannot weed my own property and enough of his to keep the stuff from coming back, I just can't get around that fast. He has bullthistle, Italian thistle, catsear (two types), hedge parsley (three types), bedstraw (two types), field madder, star thistle (two types), Chinese hats, dandelions, dogtail grass, ripgut, red sorrel, rattlesnake grass (two types), tall oats, soft brome, cheat grass, hairy chess, Zorro fescue, foxtails (two types), rabbitsfoot grass, Italian rye, eucalyptus, acacia, French broom, cotoneaster, black medick, burclover, cranesbill (two types), long fruited filaree, scarlet pimpernel, Algerian ivy, English ivy, cudweed (two types), horseweeed, and sowthistle (two types) along with a couple I haven't yet identified.
This year we got our first sticky eupatorium. Oh joy.
Our property has an enormously rich range of habitat with nearly 285 plant species on only fourteen acres. I have been working on the restoration for fifteen years, and committed tens of thousands of dollars. Why should I have to endure setting aside 20% of it just to be a weed buffer? I don't give a rip what he does with his land either, in the sense that if he wants to ranch it, grow grapes, or raise horses, whatever. I just wish he'd be a might more responsible and start cleaning the heavy equipment he brings in and show the common sense to seed a cover crop. It's only rational when his vineyard is on a 15% slope of silty alluvium and we can get 4" of rain an hour.
I don't know what's worse--a neighboring farmer who is irresponsible or a yuppie couple who want you to farm at a loss to keep up their views.
This is GREAT. Very funny and totally spot on.
He's an engineer, not a farmer. As far as a loss is concerned, I'm doing research for a business that develops habitat restoration processes to help landowners get something for all the free management the government illegally compels them to do. In effect, my land is a commercial lab on a new legal model.
I can barely get any work done because of the extra load on me my irresponsible neighbor induces. I write and speak about environmental issues as well. I have a half million dollars committed to this business. If you don't think what he's doing costs me a bundle you are seriously mistaken.
I know full well that what I'm doing is normally part of the government university cabal. I want you to think about the real cost of all that "free" R&D. My plan is to take that business back for landowners and create habitat management enterprises that overlay existing land uses. Free enterprise respecting private property rights can do a better job of balancing land uses from pure natural landscapes to the urban interface without such destructive coercion.
Or (better yet), this.
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