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I Believe John Kerry
Opinion Jounal ^ | 8/30/04 | Karen H. Pittman

Posted on 8/30/2004, 2:47:45 PM by harpu

Note: The writer of this column wishes to acknowledge her debt to the late journalist Michael Kelly, whose 1998 essay, “I Believe,” served as her template. Anyone desiring to read the original, which the author highly recommends, will find it archived at http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/washingtonpost/search.html, copyright The Washington Post Company, February 4, 1998.

- - - - - -

I believe the senator. I have always believed him. I believed him when he said he supported the war in Iraq, and I believe him now when he says he was against it. I believed him when he said he would take care of our troops regardless, and I believe him now when he says he was only showing them just how much he cares by voting to cut off their funding when the going got rough. I believed him when he said he was caught in the crossfire in Cambodia in 1968 and I believe him now, when he reportedly admits he wasn't.

I believed the senator when he said every last detail of that blue Cambodian Christmas was “seared” into his brain, and I believe him now when he says he’s not quite sure if his recollection of that blessed event is solid. And I most certainly believed him when he testified before the transparently non-partisan Senate Foreign Relations Committee on April 22, 1971, swearing America made him commit horrific but strategically needful acts, like hunting down cattle and dogs for sport. I believe the senator and his fellow Vietnam Veterans Against the War were motivated by nothing but patriotism and love for their vile country.

I believe the senator’s totally unsolicited television appearance on the Dick Cavett show in April 1971 was in truth doctored, even then, by the radical right-wing Carlyle cabal, operating in concert with the Saudi royal family, the CIA, and the reactionary conservative media conglomerate, News Corp. I believe in a secret, subterranean, centralized corporate authority.

I believe in the Kerry standard of adherence to the First Amendment, enunciated by the senator in his formal complaint to the FCC accusing the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and the Bush campaign of illegally conspiring to discredit him--a standard which holds that censorship is okay so long as it acts to suppress speech in instances where there exists "overwhelming evidence [of] coordination with the Bush campaign." I note with appreciation the senator’s use of the word “overwhelming.” I believe the senator when he says there is no evidence of any similar coordination between his own campaign and MoveOn.org.

I believe the senator when he says Bush’s attorney, Benjamin Ginsberg, is clearly in bed with special interests, and I believe him when he says his own lawyer, Joe Sandler, clearly is not. I believe counselors like Ginsberg who represent campaigns, parties, and soft groups simultaneously are all acting illegally, even though the law and the FEC declare they aren’t. I agree with the senator that all lawyers working in conjunction with the Bush reelection team and the SBVT are automatically suspect, and I agree with him, too, that counselors representing the DNC and their sludge funds are by default not even remotely fishy.

I believe the senator has the right to criticize his country, just as I believe VVAW had the right to criticize it, too. And I believe the senator now has the right to force John O’Neill to abrogate his right to criticize the senator, just as I believe the SBVT should be forced to abrogate its right to criticize the senator, too. I believe those sixty-some-odd veterans who signed affidavits are all lying, just as I believe the senator and his massive army of eight are the only ones telling the truth.

I believe the senator is being sincere when he lauds Michael Moore, whom he thinks should never be censored, and I believe he’s being sincere, too, when he denounces Paul Galanti, whom he thinks must be. I believe the senator is being sincere when he condemns as illicit the $17 million in 527 and 501 soft money the Bush campaign has raised thus far, and I believe he’s being sincere when he condones the $186 million his own campaign has to date accumulated by these same unquestionably above-board means.

I believe the senator when he says he favors a strong national defense, and I believe he was in fact actively strengthening our nation’s defenses throughout the 1990s by systematically hacking military and intelligence budgets to bits, and by voting to slay every single major weapons system that ever dared lumber across the Senate floor.

I see nothing suspicious in the report that the senator was awarded the Purple Heart for sustaining mortal scratches etched by whizzing bullets on December 2, 1968, even though he wrote in his journal a full nine days later, on December 11, that he and his crew in the Viet Cong had not yet “been shot at.” I believe the Purple Heart was similarly bestowed upon every rice-paddy warrior, who, like John Forbes Kerry, suffered self-inflicted, practically lethal nicks, cuts, and bruises, and I believe, too, that the Bronze Star and other medals of valor are routinely granted for knee scrapes.

I believe the terror threat was first invented and then exaggerated by the Cheney administration in order to build a pipeline in Afghanistan and seize Iraq’s vast oil reserves on behalf of Hallow-burton. I believe George W. Bush is personally responsible for every single plight the world has known since 9/11 and for every single individual grievance, too. I believe Michael Moore, Al Gore, Howard Dean, Paul Krugman, Jim Hightower, Jeff Rense and Janet Jackson are all part of a vast left-wing anti-conspiracy truth squad called Bush-Busters. Especially Janet Jackson.

###

Karen Hathaway Pittman is a freelance writer and published poet whose work also appears on Wednesdays at www.amsiriano.com and www.amgoodnews.com, and weekly at www.therant.us. She has also written commentary for The Washington Dispatch and The Common Conservative. Several of her editorials have been recognized by Townhall and added to its archives. Her article "Goodbye, Natalie: Dixie Chick Eats Crow" won Opinion Editorial's Best of 2003 Award, and further earned the distinction of being the most popular (most widely-read) op-ed in the web site's history. Frequently ranking among the weekly Quill Pen Ten, her rants typically generate considerable attention and no small amount of controversy. Her style is as acerbic as it is witty. Occasionally resplendent, often raucous, always refreshing, her no-holds-barred, tell-it-like-is commentary not only informs -- it entertains. She's the Lay's Potato Chip of political punditry: You can't read just one!


TOPICS: Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: kerry
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1 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:47:45 PM by harpu
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To: harpu

LOL! Good read.


2 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:49:50 PM by coloradan (Hence, etc.)
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To: harpu

This is a good column. But it isn't from OpinionJournal.com, the Wall Stree Journal site. It's from opinioneditorials -- a totally different organization.


3 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:50:42 PM by 68skylark
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To: harpu
3 PH, a Bronze Star, and a Silver Star...ALL IN 23 DAYS?
4 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:51:27 PM by Puppage (You may disagree with what I have to say, but I shall defend to your death my right to say it)
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To: Puppage
Like this one:

I AM JOHN KERRY

5 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:52:33 PM by Hildy (John Edwards is to Dick Cheney what Potsie was to the Fonz.)
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To: Puppage

6 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:53:58 PM by flashbunny (Kerry helped move jobs to china - http://www.flashbunny.org/commentary/kerryoutsourced.html)
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To: harpu

ROTFLMAO. thanks


7 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:54:05 PM by Conspiracy Guy (I'm Conspiracy Guy and I approve this message. "John Kerry is a liar!")
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To: harpu

Wow...now I'm a believer too!!


8 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:54:47 PM by senorita (A real American native)
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To: harpu

For those of you who aren't familiar with Michael Kelly's famous column from February 4, 1998, here it is:

"I believe the president. I have always believed him.

I believed him when he said he had never been drafted in the Vietnam War and I believed him when he said he had forgotten to mention that he had been drafted in the Vietnam War.

I believed him when he said he hadn't had sex with Gennifer Flowers and I believe him now, when he reportedly says he did.

I believe the president did not rent out the Lincoln Bedroom, did not sell access to himself and the vice president to hundreds of well-heeled special pleaders and did not supervise the largest, most systematic money-laundering operation in campaign finance history, collecting more than $3 million in illegal and improper donations.

I believe that Charlie Trie and James Riady were motivated by nothing but patriotism for their adopted country.

I believed Vice President Gore when he said that he had made dunning calls to political contributors "on a few occasions" from his White House office, and I believed him when he said that, actually, "a few" meant 46. I believe in no controlling legal authority.

I believe Bruce Babbitt when he says that the $286,000 contributed to the DNC by Indian tribes opposed to granting a casino license to rival tribes had nothing to do with his denial of the license. I believed the secretary when he said that he had not been instructed in this matter by then-White House deputy chief of staff Harold Ickes. I believed him when he said later that he had told lobbyist and friend Paul Eckstein that Ickes had told him to move on the casino decision, but that he had been lying to Eckstein. I agree with the secretary that it is an outrage that anyone would question his integrity.

I believe in the Clinton Standard of adherence to the nation's campaign finance and bribery laws, enunciated by the president on March 7, 1997: "I don't believe you can find any evidence of the fact that I had changed government policy solely because of a contribution." I note with approval the use of the word "evidence" and also the use of the word "solely." I believe that it is proper to change government policy to address the concerns of people who have given the president money, as long as nobody can find evidence of this being the sole reason.

I believe the president has lived up to his promise to preside over the most ethical administration in American history. I believe that indicted former agriculture secretary Mike Espy did not accept $35,000 in illegal favors from Tyson Foods and other regulated businesses.

I believe that indicted former housing secretary Henry Cisneros did not lie to the FBI and tell others to lie to cover up $250,000 in blackmail payments to his former mistress.

I believe that convicted former associate attorney general Webster Hubbell was not involved in the obstruction of justice when the president's minions arranged for Hubbell to receive $400,000 in sweetheart consulting deals at a time when he was reneging on his promise to cooperate with Kenneth Starr's Whitewater investigation.

I believe Paula Jones is a cheap tramp who was asking for it. I believe Kathleen Willey is a cheap tramp who was asking for it. I believe Monica Lewinsky is a cheap tramp who was asking for it. I believe Lewinsky was fantasizing in her 20 hours of taped conversation in which she reportedly detailed her sexual relationship with the president and begged Linda Tripp to join her in lying about the relationship. I believe that any gifts, correspondence, telephone calls and the 37 post-employment White House visits that may have passed between Lewinsky and the president are evidence only of a platonic relationship; such innocent intimate friendships are quite common between middle-aged married men and young single women, and also between presidents of the United States and White House interns.

I see nothing suspicious in the report that the president's intimate, Vernon Jordan, arranged a $40,000-per-year job for Lewinsky shortly after she signed but before she filed an affidavit saying she had not had sex with the president. Nor do I read anything into the fact that the ambassador to the United Nations, Bill Richardson, visited Lewinsky at the Watergate to offer her a job.

I believe the instructions Lewinsky gave Tripp informing her on how to properly perjure herself in the Willey matter simply wrote themselves.

I believe that The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, Newsweek, Time, U.S. News & World Report, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, PBS and NPR are all part of a vast right-wing conspiracy. Especially NPR."

Michael Kelly is a senior writer for National Journal.


9 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:55:04 PM by 68skylark
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To: harpu

Wow...now I'm a believer too!!


10 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:55:56 PM by senorita (A real American native)
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To: harpu
The author....


Karen H. Pittman

11 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:55:58 PM by Lancey Howard
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To: harpu

This is powerful stuff. It shows how Kerry-ites have to be drinking the Kool-Aid to believe mutually-exclusive "truths"...while they fail to see the irony of their own inconsistencies.

BTW, the richest ironies of this past weekend were Hillary as representative of the Dems' "Truth" squad and Bill claiming that the Swfitvets are bearing "False Witness" against Kerry.

How can these people keep a straight face sending Bill out there to hustle the gullible when HE is the one who lost his law license for bearing false witness. THAT is a matter of record. -OhMike


12 posted on 8/30/2004, 2:57:54 PM by OhMike
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To: harpu
to: Karen Pittman,
Karen, Micheal Kelly used to be on firing line with W.F.Buckely and lost every single time like a domestic dog with an alpha wolf.... a stone socialist Kelly is.. how about YOU... If a democrat had any sense they wouldn't be a democrat...

Democracy is the road to socialism. Karl Marx
Democracy is indispensable to socialism. The goal of socialism is communism. V.I. Lenin

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.~Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

13 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:00:15 PM by hosepipe (This propaganda has been edited to include some fully orbed hyperbole....)
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To: harpu

Omgsh that is funny.


14 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:00:40 PM by AmericanCheeseFood (Zing!)
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To: harpu

Omgsh that is funny.


15 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:00:41 PM by AmericanCheeseFood (Zing!)
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To: flashbunny
Kerryzyte! Hilarious! Best of the best!
16 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:01:39 PM by afnamvet (USAF Tuy Hoa AFB RVN 68-69 NOT FONDA KERRY!)
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To: harpu

Thanks Karen,I needed that glass of Kool-Aid, before I head out the door to the demonstration in Manhattan.


17 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:02:23 PM by gitmogrunt (undecorated and proud. God Bless our troops and their Families.)
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To: harpu

PING


18 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:05:42 PM by chaosagent (It's all right to be crazy. Just don't let it drive you nuts.)
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To: harpu

If I had a prime time speech to deliver at the convention, I would ask Michael Moore to stand up and take a bow, and thank him for embodying the policies and intentions of the democrats. I would thank him for telling the truth about what the democrats would do if they win, and I would thank the democrats for honoring Michael with a seat in the presidential box.


19 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:08:00 PM by js1138 (Speedy architect of perfect labyrinths.)
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To: harpu

We laugh, but unfortunately, there are plenty of Americans who do.


20 posted on 8/30/2004, 3:08:05 PM by Brilliant
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