The beer drinker's guide to political evolution

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[ApesForEvolution]

If you're gonna have a cold, honest American-beer...and none of that rice beer crap.

[Mr. K]

DAMM thats good...

[nothingnew]

I like beer. I don't care who made it, where it's from or how much it costs. I don't even care what it tastes like. I like beer...especially if someone elese is buying....(hic!)<>FMCDH(BITS)

[nothingnew]

I like beer. I don't care who made it, where it's from or how much it costs. I don't even care what it tastes like. I like beer...especially if someone elese is buying....(hic!)

FMCDH(BITS)

[nothingnew]

(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic!)

FMCDH(BITS)

[spiehler]

> In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was
> invented.

What’s particularly amusing here is that most anthropologists agree that beer was discovered by accident, when a gatherer (most likely a woman) left a gourd of water in the sun, and it began to ferment. To this day, there are primitive cultures that scoff at the idea of a male “brew master”, because everyone knows that beer is woman’s magic. This of course began one of the great conservative traditions: stealing somebody else’s idea, and living off the backs off the workers.

> Some men spent their days killing animals to
> barbecue at night while they
> were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
> conservative movement.

Of course, hunting an animal the size of a mammoth required a great deal of machismo, but very little intelligence. After all, how hard is it to find something the size of the house, roaming on a plain? The knowledge of what berries and nuts would sustain you during bad hunts and not kill you was a little too much for the hunters. This began another great conservative tradition: labeling anyone with more knowledge “an elitist.”

> Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on
> earth.

Which live entirely in peaceful, female dominated societies. The only time males show up is to mate. Then they leave. This of course started another great conservative tradition.

> Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime),
> but most prefer white
> wine or foreign water in a bottle.

Actually, we prefer domestic microbrews, where the profit from the sale of the brew stays in the hands of the people who actually made it with great attention to detail, as opposed to some multi-national who’s more interested in how many bikini-clad babes they can cram into an ad.

>Liberals like
> deviant sex and want
> others to like it too.

Curiously, an interview I saw with a traveling call girl produced this little gem: “I much prefer working the Republican Convention. I make more money. They understand sex is a commodity.”

> construction workers, police officers,
Two great bastions of organized labor? Conservative? Righhht.

>Conservatives who own companies
> hire other conservatives

They of course hire these people with no regard to their actual talent, but with great regard to whether or not they attended the same fraternity. I would say where they attended college, but whether or not they were actually in class is questionable. Later, when they work their way into government, they award fat, no-bid contracts to said cronies, and say “they were the most qualified.” (See Halliburton, WorldCom, et al.)

>
> Liberals do not produce anything.

I guess symphonies, art, fine cuisine, etc just don’t count. Funny thing-take predominantly liberal Hollywood out of the trade surplus/deficit equation and see just how lopsided the scales become.

> They like to
> “govern” the producers

Unlike conservatives, who claim allegiance to a free market, and then get upset when the free market embraces things they don’t like. They will of course still sell those things, while bemoaning them at the same time. See Rupert Murdoch selling Faux News (We Distort, You Comply) to conservatives, while peddling some of the most offensive crap on network television (Temptation Island, anyone?)

> The American cowboy, of course, is your basic,
> full-bore Conservative.

Not quite. Unlike the modern American Neo-con, the Cowboy understands that if you strip-mine the prairie, it really f*&@s up the grazing land. The cowboy also understands that trees do not cause forest fires, open public spaces are good, and that clean water, on the whole, is something to protect.

> So, what’ll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or
> Imported?

Good old hand-crafted, small batch Kentucky Bourbon!