Posted on 10/09/2004 7:31:40 PM PDT by outlaw1_2003
Job application
NAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCE:
7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).
EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).
MILITARY: I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book " Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).
My wealth so far exceeds that of my opponent , that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four > months).
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).
RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).
PERSONAL:
I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche". I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture. I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
3.... 2.... 1....
Zot!
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a senior Senator from the state of Mass. I have neither sponsored nor co-sponsored any legislation on my constituents behalf in 20 years of service. It is all I can do to make roll call.
Naw. It's satire.
Please remove this from Breaking News.
ummm... it's an anti-kerry post. hth.
Where is this breaking?
And you link doesn't work.
I think it broke right here and suddenly became breaking news by any CBS standard.
BTTT!!
I will consider your experience as an elitist one-worlder, Kerry- and will vote for Bush.
For what it's worth, this is inaccurate.
Isn't John Kerry a lawyer?
That would mean he has acquired a JD someplace, wouldn't it?
Much as I like the piece, it is incorrect.
sKerry went to Boston College Law School, and was briefly an Assistant Prosecutor. He also ran for and lost in a run for congress.
I have seen this before. I do have one question though. If Kerry has no higher education, how did he become a lawyer?
More effective if you keep it accurate: Law degree from Boston College 1976.
Is this machine gun fire?
Yes it would. You need a JD to practice law.
Bravo! Hilarious!
Ahem, he does NOT own those SUV's. His family does, thank you.
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