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The Impressive Resume of John Kerry
John Kerry Background Check | 10/20/04 | On Behalf of John Kerry

Posted on 10/20/2004 6:41:59 PM PDT by hardworking

JOB APPLICATION

NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).

EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).

MILITARY:

I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months).

I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my

counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get

admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL: I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: johnkerry; nottooswiftboat; taxevasion; yacht

1 posted on 10/20/2004 6:41:59 PM PDT by hardworking
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To: hardworking
Damn, he forgot to mention he served in vietnam for 4 months. How could something that is seared seared into his mind elapse him. Maybe he will bring it up before Nov. 02.
2 posted on 10/20/2004 6:51:22 PM PDT by babydubya1981 (No Moore !!!)
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To: hardworking

Tell me: Was Effin' ever in Viet Nam? I've been wondering ...


3 posted on 10/20/2004 6:54:16 PM PDT by ArrogantBustard
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To: hardworking

The knucklehead went to Law School somewhere, was a DA and as also LTGOV for MA. I already voted 2 weeks ago in VA absentee for BUSH. Semper Fidelis from Guam!


4 posted on 10/20/2004 6:55:26 PM PDT by MCFujiTanker
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To: hardworking

How many of those qualify as "Real Jobs"?


5 posted on 10/20/2004 6:59:40 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (Visualize Smaller Government)
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To: hardworking
Place recent photograph and statement of world view below. Do NOT staple to resume.



"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price,
bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure
the survival and success of liberty." -- John Kerry (Oooops, wrong JFK)

6 posted on 10/20/2004 7:30:01 PM PDT by OESY
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To: hardworking
Hobbies: Windsurfing, Cycling, Skiing, all on Senate time. Botox Injections, Orange Face painting, hunting within six weeks of an election, trying to tame my shrew wife.

Efforts at Diplomacy: Looking into my wife's eyes and telling her that she's an attractive woman when I really know that she's a heinous looking she-beast.

7 posted on 10/20/2004 7:36:41 PM PDT by Fruitbat
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To: hardworking
Hey! I was in Cambodia too!

8 posted on 10/20/2004 7:43:38 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (This Tagline for sale. (Presented by TagLines R US))
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