Posted on 10/29/2004 6:26:14 PM PDT by NonZeroSum
WASHINGTON (APUPI) In response to complaints from the Bush campaign today, the Federal Election Commission has decided to look into the sources of financing for Al Qaeda, to determine if any election laws were broken by the recent video released featuring its leader, Osama bin Laden.
A campaign spokesman claimed that, with all of his harsh criticism of the president, the terrorist leader was clearly supporting the Kerry campaign.
"He may not have explicitly endorsed Senator Kerry, but he clearly skirted the edges of the McCain-Feingold law. Anyone can look at that tape and tell that Osama wants our opponent to win this election," claimed a campaign spokesman.
He went on, "This new Kerry endorsement by yet another world leader is just their latest October surprise, coming just four days before the election. 'Bush lied, we made the terrorists mad, he sat there reading to kids instead of evacuating the trade center,' yada yada yada. They can deny it all they want, but Osama's clearly illegally coordinating with Moveon.org and Michael Moore."
Arousing further suspicion were rumors of cutting-room floor portions of the video that showed bin Laden mocking Bush by accusing him of "outsourcing" his capture to Afghans.
The commission will be investigating whether or not Al Qaeda has properly registered as a 527 corporation, and looking into all potential sources for its funding. It's of particular concern that foreign funds may have poured into this newest anti-Bush group. They will also be following any potential money trails that could lead back to George Soros.
A subpoena will be going out this weekend to an undisclosed location in northeast Pakistan, bin Laden's last known whereabouts, requiring him to provide cancelled checks, bank receipts, email and postal communications between his and other anti-Bush advocacy organizations, cell phone records and other documents that might shed light on potential violations of the campaign laws.
A senior Al Qaeda spokesman said in a phone call that they wouldn't accept such a subpoena, though he didn't say whether or not they would simply refuse it, or decapitate the servicer.
"Sheik Osama is very ill and tired, and has no time for such nonsense from The Great Satan," he complained. "We have had no contact with any of the infidels for either campaign," he angrily claimed, to the sounds of Farenheit 911 playing in the background.
Coming so late in the campaign, the investigation is not expected to bear fruit before the election is over (the end of which is now projected by Kerry campaign lawyers to occur sometime in late May, 2006, once all the appeals have been exhausted), but if convicted, bin Laden's organization could be fined up to half a million dollars, and he could serve up to six months in federal prison.
If we really were serious about fighting terrorism, we'd conscript trial lawyers, telemarketers, and spammers, and have 'em go after every element of al-Qaeda. (c8
</sarcasm>
They almost make this sound like sarcasm.
Sarcasm?
Surely you jest. It's clearly satire.
I know the article is meant as satire. But I was referring to the blurp about the Mikie Moore and Osama connection--that I'm not convinced isn't true.
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