Campus Columnist Makes Sex Threats Against Conservative Women (My title)

The Miami Student Online ^ | November 4, 2004 | Steve Markley

[Alexander Nevsky]

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>Media bias Enacting revenge through sex

By Steve Markley

Reactionary ideologue Ann Coulter is coming to Miami next week courtesy of the College Republicans, which is this columnist’s dream come true.

However, the good Lord didn’t see fit to set the date of this column for after her visit, so I’ll just have to improvise. If Bush can go to war before he knows what’s going on in a country, then I can take on Coulter before she actually says anything. So here is what my column would look like anyway had I written it after seeing Ms. Coulter: Two conclusions can be drawn from Ann Coulter’s speech before a sold-out audience at Miami this week. First, she is right-wing, bat-sh** crazy.

Ann Coulter makes Bill O’Reilly look like Martin Luther King Jr.

During her speech I sat in the front row, close enough to smell her breath wafting at me with the strong odor of vodka, vomit and Valium—close enough that I had to explain over and over again to nearby friends the definition of a "camel toe." During her speech she made a strong stand against abortion, which makes sense because an aborted fetus does her no good.

She needs the flesh of lives babies for her sustenance.

She went on to (surprisingly) blame liberals for every bad thing to ever happen in American history. Shrieking like a lunatic, she made it clear that she values her own opinion far more than that silly liberal conspiracy known as "history." She is a Joe McCarthy apologist. That’s right, the man whose name has come to stand for everything paranoid,fearful and tyrannical about American government was "actually" the victim of liberal academics and media. Man, the things they don’t teach you in HST 112.

Let me explain something quickly: I have a dream — a goal, really — to attempt to have sex with as many female right-wing pundits and icons as I can.

Why, you ask? Because I want to wake up the next day, tell them I’ll call them soon, and then immediately delete the phone number from my cell.

Think about it. I could finally get back at conservative talk radio host, Laura Ingraham, not by debating her with sharp political insight, but simply by sleeping with her, and when she calls telling her, "Sorry, I’m sort of busy tonight. There’s a lot of you aging but mildly bone-able right wing nutjobs out there whose feelings I have to hurt."

Then there are the Bush twins. Sweet God, what I wouldn’t give.

Imagine if I boffed a Bush daughter? Every time I ran into Bush I could give him this sly little wink and shoot my finger at him like he does when he glosses over the incredible fallacies in his foreign and domestic policies.

He’d have to restrain a scowl and smile back, but deep inside he’d be thinking, "That’s the major league asshole who did Jenna on my bed."

This is my only true ambition in life. However, I’ve decided Ann Coulter is where I draw the line. If I wanted that experience I’d simply dip my genitals in a jar of acid. Therefore, my second conclusion is this: There aren’t enough left-wing revenge fantasies in the world to get me to have sex with Ann Coulter.

 

 

	Oct. 22, 2004
	In This Edition: Front Page Campus Community Features Sports Opinion Editorials OpEd Page

[Alexander Nevsky]

Your screen name made me recall the Eisenstein movie by the same name. An interesting piece of cinema and propaganda.

Thanks for noticing!

[Calusa]

Frankly , not to worry, not enough Viagra in Ohio to make this girly-boy man enough to sex-up Anne or Laura. I'd say Helen Thomas is more up his alley.

[fortunecookie]

Seriously disturbed. One sick twisted freak. How does he manage to get that kind of thinly veiled threat published? Gee, he's convinced me to switch to the Dim side, just to avoid the date rapes alone (with extreme sarcasm).

I can't imagine how many people read his article and, being enmeshed in the ultra leftie world of academics, believe or trust him. And then, even his leftie women audience should be alarmed that he wants to use sex as a weapon. But they probably won't be. And finally, one has to presume that he can even get these conservative women to give him a second look. Yes, I realize he characterizes us conservative women as loopy or something worse. His editors need to step up and be responsible and check into his ideas on using sex as revenge. Very dangerous.

THIS person has a serious problem...

One word: Loser. This guy is a future rapist. He's sees sex as power.

He is a loser. He may already be a rapist, who knows? Sounds like the kind who wouldn't be adverse to taking advantage of a less than sober female friend.

[Major_Risktaker]

This from an "educated" college man? Sounds like drivel from a pubescent middle school boy.

Well, Steve Markley may have had a pubescent air-wave teacher:

I thought Stern wrote this piece.

[agere_contra]

The rambling power-fantasy of a disturbed gay.

[geedee]

Ann would kick his ass. Laura Ingraham would emasculate the SOB.

Ain't a pubbie gal alive this guy could handle. Our gals are patriotic, smart, and beautiful . . . but, at the same time, there ain't nothin' more powerful than a pubbie gal scorned -- or cursed by a liberal.

[Fiddlstix]

BTTT

[fat city]

Bet he fell for the Atomic Sit-Up gag as a frosh and has been bitter ever since.

[Osage Orange]

Okay come on....this was written by Bill Clinton, right?

[newgeezer]

If sexual predators like this idiot are roaming the campus

"If"? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but narcissistic predators like this punk have been roaming college campuses for at least a couple generations. I used to know one pretty well. He was a real piece o' work. Treated women like chattel. Sadly, most of them seemed to be okay with that.

[tracer]

I have no idea. This is just one more kook who needs to be interviewed to rule out a potential threat to individuals under USSS protection.

[xJones]

Miami University has a Police Dept., and I gave them a phone call. But the potted-plant that answered the phone kept saying it was "free speech". I asked the plant what he would think if somewhat fantasized in a perverted way about his daughters on the the internet, and the plant said that it would still be free speech. After reminding him that it was all over the internet, plant said that he would report it to his superiors.

This calls for for faxes and e-mails.

[Living Stone]

I highly recommend therapy!

I am not sure if threapy will help with hatred in the heart and a bitter spirit, but he needs to try to do something about that problem that he seems to have.

[newgeezer]

Maybe he should start with Charles Krauthammer and work his way up.

Krauthammer, or Andrew Sullivan. Either of those "conservatives" should suit little Steve Markley just fine.

[weshess]

Yup, I found that saying stupid stuff like I support a women's right, I didn't even have to say which right I was supporting, they immediately assumed right to choose. They were the easiest women to nail, with about an 85% success rate.

[weshess]

Politely think of a full frontal wedgie.

[newgeezer]

Where are the pictures of Ann???

Probably stuck to little Stevie's bathroom wall.

In all seriousness, her pics don't belong in the same thread as little Stevie's screed.

[Ladysmith]

Well, sure. "Free speech" if you're a lib, "sexual harrassment" if you're a conservative.

[BushisTheMan]

Steve Markley, if you are gay, can you really have sex with a real woman?

[jocon307]

"The Miami Student, established in 1826, is the oldest college newspaper in the United States."

It is truly disgusting that such an old and established paper could publish such tripe.

I'm sorry, it's not even well written, and should have immediately been placed in the round file.

I will certainly drop a line to these benighted people.