What Canon Law Taught Me About Teen Dating

Catholic Legate ^ | Nov.29.02 | Pete Vere, JCL

[iheartusa]

I’m not a Catholic, but I couldn’t agree more with this guy’s thesis. Even though this article is old, since there's been such a passionate response about abortion, etc., I thought it was important to visit this issue and get some feedback.

[Cogadh na Sith]

Be friends with members of the opposite gender, hang out, but do not call these social outings dates or think of these as such. Rather, think of these outings as an opportunity to deepen your friendships.

Riiiiiiiight.... Good luck on holding a conversation with a teenage girl. I could hardly do it when I was a teenager, so that suggestion is doomed from the start.

I could never imagine trying to form a 'friendship' with a teenage girl they are utterly vapid....

[iheartusa]

I could never imagine trying to form a 'friendship' with a teenage girl they are utterly vapid....

Wow...bitter much?

[johnb838]

Girls that are serious about their religion aren't quite so airy.

What in the world is up with that screenname?

[diamond6]

Loved the article.

[mel]

Thanks for this, it is indeed a great article especially considering that I have a 13 year daughter

[Pajamajan]

Interesting article- Lots of good advice for the dating scene, and an insightful look at dating behaviors.

[Born to Conserve]

"Cannon Lawyer"

Is that like "Domestic Engineer"?

[rellimpank]

--I agree and would back it up with a vaccination (yet to be developed) that renders males impotent at puberty, to be countered by an antidote available after they have a steady job, a car paid for and funds available for a down payment on a house---

[Rubber_Duckie_27]

Rather, think of these outings as an opportunity to deepen your friendships. Sooner or later, you will find yourself hanging out more and more with one particular friend, and this is much more likely to lead to a healthy marriage.

My fiance and I have known each other since we were children, have been friends for nine years (starting in early high school), and this is precisely what happened about 4.5 years ago. We're very glad that we were friends long before we decided to date. There's an amazing comfort level and degree of knowledge about the other that we had even before we began dating.

I am so glad to have avoided the traditional "dating" scene for the most part, and I feel very fortunate to be marrying my best friend. :-)

This is outstanding advice for teenagers.

[the invisib1e hand]

among other things, it is this type of common sense that drew me to the church.

law and catholicism: two of my favorite studies.

[spinestein]

Yeah, Bit him a lot, too. :^]

[proudmilitarymrs]

Thanks for this post. I have a boy on the verge of puberty and several nieces in the latter stages (eeek!!). There is some great advice in here!

oh, and welcome to FreeRepublic!

[GratianGasparri]

LOL! The author is actually one of my former classmates.

As far as canon law is concerned, it is the Catholic Church's internal legal system. For more information about canon law, and how it interacts with the lay Catholic in the pew, check out the following interview with the same author:

Decoding Canon Law for Lay Catholics -- an interview with Pete Vere

Hope you're pro-life because Vere takes a pretty tough stand against pro-abortion Catholic politicians.

Additionally, if you're interested in finding out more about canon law, Vere and another classmate of ours, Michael Trueman, just published a book that answers the 150 questions about canon law most asked by lay Catholics. The title of the book is Surprised by Canon Law: 150 Questions Laypeople Ask About Canon Law.

[radiohead]

The nuns used to tell us not to date someone we wouldn't marry. At the time, I thought that was really silly - afterall, wasn't the purpose of dating to find out about people, to see if they were marriage material?

Now, many years later, I realize they were right. I was a young widow and saved myself much additional grief by not dating men who weren't guys I wouldn't want to be married to. If you know your values, you already know what type of person you want to attract. You don't need to date to find that out.

So many women bring unhappiness and even violence into their homes, which could often be avoided if they were just willing to be by themselves for awhile instead of having to be with any man, even if he's a creep.

When I talk to younger women, who seem to be rotating thru unsuitable guys and not understanding why they were getting their hearts broken, I ask them to just ease up on the dating for the sake of going out. When they are ready to start dating again, only go for guys that share their values.

The other behavior I see with young women, is depression over sexual encounters w/mulitple partners over time; that is, they date for a couple of months, have sex w/the guy, then move on to the next boy friend. They think each boy friend is going to be 'it' and have sex, and when he isn't, they move on to have sex w/the next guy, hoping he'll be it. Doesn't anyone just go out for dinner anymore?

[cyborg]

Some people are afraid to be alone.

[iheartusa]

The other behavior I see with young women, is depression over sexual encounters w/mulitple partners over time; that is, they date for a couple of months, have sex w/the guy, then move on to the next boy friend. They think each boy friend is going to be 'it' and have sex, and when he isn't, they move on to have sex w/the next guy, hoping he'll be it. Doesn't anyone just go out for dinner anymore?

That's just it. "Dating" has become a euphemism for cycling through a series of sexual encounters. Look at how it's portrayed on tv. I'll use Frasier as an example. Every chick he went out with there was casual sex involved. That's not dating. That's a game of musical beds. As I understand it, in days of old dating was not just spending time alone at dinner, but spending time with one's intended and their family. This way you really got to see how the person was, how they would respond to your family, how they liked him/her, and from there you would decide to marry.

[HitmanLV]

What Canon Law Taught Me About Teen Dating

The sad thing is I learned all about teen dating from watching 'Canon films!' Now THERE was a movie production outfit! Golan & Globus live!!!!

[iheartusa]

Thanks for this, it is indeed a great article especially considering that I have a 13 year daughter

I'm glad you find it interesting. I have nieces and cousins about your daughter's age. They are not allowed to date.

[valkyrieanne]

This is last-century advice; an example of conservatives always fighting the last war, not the present one.

Teenagers and young people more often than not don't date anymore. If they *did* date, that wouldn't be so bad. But they don't. The old model of boy asks girl out, picks her up, takes her someplace, ideally pays, and brings her home is in many circles (especially more affluent suburbs) as dead as poodle skirts.

What many young people do nowadays is "hook up." They go out or to parties in groups. They're all "just friends with benefits," and have casual, no-commitment sex with their "friends."

I've seen the attempts at courtship in homeschool circles, and what it translates into in practicality is the idea that girls should essentially stay at home, live at home, be completely sheltered at home until some guy negotiates with dad to marry them. It's completely unrealistic because it doesn't take into account how to teach girls to survive college, living on their own, dealing with the business environment with parties, people cruising for sex in the office, etc.