Posted on 11/22/2004 4:43:20 PM PST by Sub-Driver
FRANCE PROCLAIMS B.O. A NATIONAL TREASURE
By JACQUES BARDOT
It's offical: The French government has officially declared Gallic body odor a "national treasure."
"We're as excited as skunks in an outhouse," says French historian Jean- Pierre Lefevre. "We are proud of our offensive odor. It's way overdue that along with the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame Cathedral French body aroma is taking its rightful place as one of our country's most important assets."
Luc Beauchamp, 59, has lived in Paris all his life. "France is the most beautiful country in the world," he says. "I stroll along the Champs Elysees and smell the fragrant onions and garlic on the croissants of passersby, combined with the smell that wafts from beneath their arms. To me that is pure heaven. I am alive in France. I stink, therefore I am."
Deodorant salespersons and manufacturers are up to their armpits in grief. "It's not fair," one of them laments. "We came to France to freshen up the stinking masses, but now they pass this national treasure crap. It ain't fair. Worshiping B.O. stinks and so do the French."
I don't think a "Barf Alert" is quite the ticket here -- perhaps a "Stink Alert?"
Right....that's why they make so much perfume there....or, is that just for the French whores?
It's Weekly World News, the home of our hero, Batboy.
Must you be so redundant?
Bat Boy approves.
BO is France's most deadly national security system. When they turn and run the enemy faints if they follow.
What they don't realize is that with an odor like that they could be shot in the dark without a night scope.
But nothing stinks worse than French government actions.
Bump stinking French and the stinking NBA Poll http://www.kemah.net!
Ah yes, the "French Stench."
It's just unmitigated Gaul, I tell you...
Literally. Peeeww!!
You mean this is not real?
They can't help it. Its genetic.
http://www.hypocrites.com/article11052.html
Why the French Stink!
[shamefully plagerized from http://mailer.fsu.edu/~akirk/]
1. They don't take baths very often - in fact the average Froggy uses less than 3 pounds of soap a year as opposed to over 100 pounds for an American.
2. They use too much perfume (to cover their awful body odor).
3. They eat too much garlic.
4. They surrender or fight like girls in a bar room brawl.
5. They box like girls by kicking their opponent.
6. They only have a seat on the U.N. Security Council because we felt sorry for them.
7. They only have atomic weapons because we felt sorry for them.
8. They only have a nation because we felt sorry for them.
9. The only real fighting force they have of distinction is the Foreign Legion which is manned by foreigners.
10. They argue about everything and don't brush their teeth so that you see food all over their teeth as they speak.
11. They have BIG noses and wear funny "beanies".
12. Paris is dirty and mostly populated by HIV positive hookers (who never bathe).
13. Their greatest general, Napoleon, was not French.
14. Their other greatest general was a girl, Joan of Arc, whom they abandoned.
15. They are xenophobic about their language and change non French words accordingly. For example a CD Rom there is Ce' 'de Rom.
16. Their wine comes from American vines because theirs died out.
17. They eat snails, frogs, horse, and put sauce on everything.
18. Their women are bony and bird breasted - and so are the men.
19. They grease their hair and wear funny mustaches (including the women).
20. The only reason they exist as a nation at all is because nations that took them over fell apart - which implies that the French attitude must have infected them.
21. Did you know that the phrase, "The Gates Of Heaven Are Open" was coined by Czar Peter the Great who, when visiting France, was informed that French women do not wear underwear. The lack of underwear is most likely due to yeast infections, inferior social education, and a general distaste for clothing that will simply become immediately soiled with brown or yellow stains.
22. Their women do not shave their legs or armpits and are proud of it. In fact, they show more hair than a trucker wearing a tank top. They also smell like the trucker after a 2 week road trip.
23. In a complete role reversal, as opposed to the women not shaving, the men kiss each other in public - and those are NOT the gay ones either.
I actually buy this paper in the check out line. It is mad magazine for adults (adults??)
I stopped buying WWN about 3 months ago. Couldn't approve of the degradation of our President, and refused to support it in any way.
Have they stopped Bush bashing yet?
Shut down the Alphabet Channels (ABJazerra & Her Sister Stations)!
Vote with your Remote!
But, I Have A Plan
Zippo Hero
Seven Dead Monkeys Page O Tunes
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