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Married, without children: Finding fulfillment with no kids
Rocky Mountain News ^ | 1/3/05 | Mark Wolf

Posted on 01/03/2005 8:31:56 AM PST by qam1

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To: cyborg
I am not a feminist...have no kids...never married...and never had a desire to have kids. I guess the 'norm' of what the 'rest' of my friends did...did not phase me. I had my own mind.....I am a leader, not a follower.

How many kids do you have???

301 posted on 01/03/2005 10:25:02 AM PST by zoobee (http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf Smack the Penguin)
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To: Aquinasfan

We're not talking about a child dying. We're talking if they had it to do over again.


302 posted on 01/03/2005 10:25:57 AM PST by Hildy ( To work is to dance, to live is to worship, to breathe is to love.)
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To: HungarianGypsy

Only if it's 10/$1.


303 posted on 01/03/2005 10:26:20 AM PST by Bella_Bru (You're about as funny as a case sensitive search engine.)
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To: MAWG; frgoff

Yeah, me too


304 posted on 01/03/2005 10:26:56 AM PST by A Ruckus of Dogs
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To: DennisR
Being childless and having abortions are from the same root: selfishness. Period, end of story. If you could have, but do not have, kids, why waste the oxygen? I know this is harsh, but...

HA! Boy are you ignorant.

305 posted on 01/03/2005 10:27:03 AM PST by zoobee (http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf Smack the Penguin)
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To: Minuteman23
Many parents don't want children. Yet I've never met anyone who wanted to give his child back. Sadly, I don't agree with you. I know a few parents who don't say that they want to "give their child back", but they behave like their children are a nuisance, and I would guess that if they had it to do all over again they wouldn't have had children at all.

I've known some of these people too, but I think with these people it's a "Cat's in the Cradle" thing. They learn too late.

306 posted on 01/03/2005 10:27:05 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: zoobee

That wasn't the point of my statement. I'm not going to repeat myself. Read my other posts.


307 posted on 01/03/2005 10:27:14 AM PST by cyborg (http://mentalmumblings.blogspot.com/)
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To: sinkspur; chiefqc; Hildy

Obviously, I did not word my post very well.

What I found disturbing about this article is that fact that child-less women want some kind of recognition for, well, nothing. That is where the "me, me, me" came from. Seriously, establishing a "Queen for a day" celebration to, I suppuse, counter Mother's Day? Selfish, "me-oriented" people, not unlike small children who don't know any better.

I'm not siding with people who have cildren or people who don't. That decision is up to the couple. The people featured in this article seem like selfish children to me, not because they don't have kids, but because they demand the same attention, or more, than those who do.

My wife certainly doesn't feel deprived of any attention simply because she hasn't given birth. I say the people in this article are just jealous of the attention and respect that mothers get.


308 posted on 01/03/2005 10:27:15 AM PST by L98Fiero
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To: zoobee

How about, it is nobody's business as to which couples have children and which don't. That is between them and their God, if indeed they choose a faith.

It is certainly none of my business, and I'll be damned if I'll judge their union, just as I hope they'd respect mine.


309 posted on 01/03/2005 10:27:46 AM PST by mwl1
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To: exnavychick

Speaking from personal experiance as a man, being there when your little angel is born and those few years bonding with your little girl are unlike anything else life has to experiance.

I use to say to myself if God appeared in front of me and said someone has to die today you or your wife (ex now) I would hem and haw before saying well I guess I have to go but can I have a going away party.

If on the other hand it had been my little angel I would have grabbed ahold of God instantly and not let go.

You dont know love untill you have born a child. Of course thats just my experiance.


310 posted on 01/03/2005 10:28:36 AM PST by winodog (I wonder where America would be if we had not lost 40+million in the thirty+ year war)
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To: susiek

I wonder how many of those reputed "conservatives" have paid attention to what Dr. Laura has said on this matter. Firstly, do not get married unless you are truly ready for it and can "afford" it (both financially and emotionally) and, secondly, only have kids if you can give them a proper situation, generally inclusive of stay-at-home motherhood and extensive effort in terms of educating them in the current debauched cultural environment. What "conservative" would want to promote such things as excessive financial debt, latch-key kids, nannies, and government schools?


311 posted on 01/03/2005 10:29:19 AM PST by GOP_1900AD (Stomping on "PC," destroying the Left, and smoking out faux "conservatives" - Take Back The GOP!)
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To: Gorzaloon
in the deepest private secrets of their soul, wishing they had not had children, hating the soccer practice, the upcoming tuition pressures,

The solution here is to dump soccer practice and paying for college. It kills me that people say that they can't have any more children because they couldn't afford college for two or three or whatever. Who the hell cares about college in comparison to bringing another life into the world?

312 posted on 01/03/2005 10:30:41 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: HungarianGypsy
One of the saddest things I heard was the fear of some of the ladies of giving their kids power of attorney or even leaving town for a few weeks.

My older lady friend who was estranged from her daughter asked me to become her power of attorney. I declined but wish I had done it for her.

When her daughter went to the apartment to remove everything, she gave the off duty police woman she had hired to help her, my old friends Wurlitzer organ. What was funny was that it didn't work and I had even been on the internet looking for parts so that I could get it fixed and found out that no one made replacement parts for it anymore so the police woman and her boyfriend got bubkus for their effort.

313 posted on 01/03/2005 10:31:21 AM PST by Slyfox
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To: Minuteman23
isn't it more selfish to have children that you don't want?

I don't think I've ever met anyone who had a baby, but then failed to love that baby in some fashion, even if only instinctually.

Most (childless) people can't understand how quickly and totally one becomes attached to a child until it happens to them.

It is instinct. (The very small percentage of women who kill their children at childbirth are mentally deranged.)

314 posted on 01/03/2005 10:31:35 AM PST by Edit35
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To: Slyfox
Having kids does not guarantee you will have constant companionship in your older days....that's pretty selfish to expect your kid never to have his own life in other states or countries if they want......

That's a major reason why people have kids and I think that's very selfish. It's like breeding for a slave.

315 posted on 01/03/2005 10:31:45 AM PST by zoobee (http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf Smack the Penguin)
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To: freedumb2003

I'm child-free, by choice, and I don't vote liberal.
But I'm paying for someone else's kids to get a primary education, I'm paying for libraries (I buy my own books, thank you very much), I'm subsidizing child-care vis a vis WIC and welfare, and all sources of other programs that I will never, ever benefit from.

So before the knee-jerkers start calling us selfish, just take into consideration - my income helps subsidize your child-rearing in more ways than one, and you get the immediately benefits of it.


316 posted on 01/03/2005 10:32:03 AM PST by mabelkitty (Blackwell for Governor in 2006!!!)
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To: exnavychick
Some folks are just plain rude.
I remember once when I was a kid and we went out to eat, some couple came in and sat NEXT to us and talked to each other the whole time about how awful it was to have kids, and how terrible it was to have soooo many, and on and on. At that point there were only six of us and we were behaving.
Actually we were having a hard time not laughing.
317 posted on 01/03/2005 10:33:19 AM PST by FreedomHasACost
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To: Aquinasfan

I agree. But that doesn't make it any easier on the children. A child knows when he isn't wanted, and I think it would have been better for these children if their parents had decided not to have children in the first place.


318 posted on 01/03/2005 10:33:23 AM PST by Minuteman23
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To: freedumb2003

Around here in the blue zone, it's actually the dimocraps who have most of the kids. Firstly there are the dimocrap recruits (e.g. immigrants) having them. Secondly, the debt loving, government school promoting, nanny empoloying set also are having them. Conservatives like me, insistent as we are on standards (of finances, of schooling, of stay-at-home parenting) simply find it difficult, living in the blue zone, to create the proper conditions which meet our standards for having kids. Either we wait (maybe too long!) or we move.


319 posted on 01/03/2005 10:33:53 AM PST by GOP_1900AD (Stomping on "PC," destroying the Left, and smoking out faux "conservatives" - Take Back The GOP!)
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To: Artist; ecurbh
Well, since it seems like you're asking for input, I'll pipe up.

I didn't know I was asking for advice, really, I have given this a lot of thought and know my situation well enough, but I'm open to discussion.

Try to have a baby. The horses can wait. You might wonder why you even wanted to do that sort of stuff after you have a child.

My horse can't wait, he's aged. His time for trail riding is now or never. If you're right, and we never got into trail riding and wanted rid of the horses in our life, I would hate that outcome. My dream has been to have horses and a companion to ride with me in the woods. My goal is to operate a boarding stable and care for many more than my own as a business. That is the life plan we had in mind when we married, I don't want to turn that upside-down on a whim.

It's totally fair to have a child at 40....if you can. Most women's fertility starts going downhill at 27, so I know this sounds kind of harsh, but you're behind already.

I know you are right about being behind. My mom died at 58 of cancer, and she is not the only terminal cancer in my family. If I didn't get cancer, I might be the only one. I don't know what my life expectancy is, I don't want to abandon a child as young as I was left by my mom, and I don't know if my genes are particularly good to pass on. I think about that a lot.

Of course, adoption is also an option....a great one IMO, but it's not for everyone. It costs a lot, and takes a lot of time, so 40 for many adoptive parents ends up looking really young.

This is an option my husband and I have talked about. But in terms of adopting an older child, one who would not be disadvantaged by our age if we adopted later on.

320 posted on 01/03/2005 10:33:54 AM PST by HairOfTheDog
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