DFU INAUGURAL REPORT: 1)Swearing in, 2)protestors, 3)almost killed by FReeper at the Ball

6am Pacific Time was wakeup call in Upland,CA on Jan. 19. The journey began on a redeye flight out of Long Beach, CA that night. Earlier in the day, it was 85 degrees in Upland. That is shorts and Birkenstock weather.

I can never sleep on a plane. Never. I can sleep everywhere else, including once while getting a root canal. Yes, I really did. My dentist got a good laugh out of that one, but it was the fastest root canal I ever remember. By the time I got to bed after the Ball, I think I was up to a new personal record of 44 hours without sleep. But I digress.

It was a quick turnaround 2-day trip since I had just been on vacation in D.C. a few months earlier.

This was my third trip to D.C. and first time on the Metro. I put my gloves down to get my ticket at the machine. Yes, you are right. I left them there. A few minutes later, after I had gone down the forever escalator, I realized why my hands were cold. I headed back. Amazingly, someone had turned in the gloves. Of course, I concluded, these were the good guys. The Republicans had taken over this town this week and all the scumbags got out of Dodge. Those guys would have sold the gloves on the street in just a few minutes.

David Dreier's office, where I picked up my GREEN TICKET (the equivalent of the nosebleed section in sports arenas), had a hot chocolate and breakfast goodies reception. Darn, I missed getting to meet The Terminator by about five minutes. I would have congratulated him for being the real terminator and recently allowing the execution of a California murderer who was wasting oxygen.

It must have taken at least two hours to get to the green banner for my section and then get through security. I finally made it into the Inauguration area just in time to see President Bush sworn in. Unfortunately, I didn't have my 10-inch telescope that I got from the Art Bell website, so what I could really see was on the big screen TV. But at least I was there. And, ha ha ha, DemocRAT officials had to be there. I was loving it because they were hating it. I could just feel it in the air.

Then it was time to get the feeling on the street. It took the longest time to make it through the departing crowd and go down a street just above the parade route to confront the clueless, disgusting, airhead, lowlife, losers of the world who were protesting the president. Actually, I am being too kind to them.

Their signs were vile. Their language was vile. Their behavior was vile. At several opportunities while they were chanting, I led the good guys in chants of FOUR MORE YEARS. To a few I posed a question seemingly asking for directions. "Excuse me," I said. "Can you tell me where Loser Avenue is? Oh, nevermind. I'm on it."

I confronted several and we exchanged views. From where they are getting some of this information is incomprehensible. At times I wondered whether I was being set up on a show like Candid Camera. One nitwit from Arizona State believes we are in Iraq to make them all Christians. I discussed Japan, WWII, Shintoism and Buddhism. Although I tried to explain that I was pretty sure we didn't covert all those Shintos and Buddhists in Japan, I believe he was lost in the discussion. The point that went above his pointy head was that we didn't force Christianity on the Japanese. I might have had a more fruitful discussion speaking with a bowling ball. His parents must be proud of what he is learing at Arizona State. They should have spent their money on a motorhome to enjoy their golden years instead of on a wasted education on their offspring.

A girl from Alaska believed we had no right to go into Iraq because Hussein didn't attack us. Did we have the right to attack Hitler? Did he attack us? Again, it was out of her league. They don't teach that in a university in Alaska.

There were thousands and thousands in this sea of human debris. Many covered their faces. That was to perhaps make it harder for the police to identify wrongdoers. I think it was a good idea for asthetics.

This was a crowd that genuinely believes that if we put our arms around our enemy and hug him, we will have love and understanding and peace. Hey, they put it on their signs. I confronted none who had any understanding of geopolitics and Islamofascism. They really don't understand that our enemy wants us to convert or die.

As the protestors were growing more animated, I saw down the street that squads of police were lowering their face shields. I thought it was probably a good time for me to get to the Metro, back to my hotel in Arlington, hit the shower, and get dressed for the Ball. I got smiles from several of them suggesting that, "Guys, it is about time to clean up the garbage."

It appears that I just got out of there in time to avoid pepper spray. A group of about five of the little scumbags left while I was leaving. It was fun to hear some of their conversation. One, who wanted to get of there before the police got involved said -- "I'm a radical, but not that radical." I guess he was too scared to stay with his pals for the battle. I asked him to pose for a picture with his anti-war sign that said something about peace and understanding. Although I had on my OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM Navy ballcap with BUSH '04 sticker on the bill, he thought it was awesome that I wanted to take his picture with my camera phone. He didn't realize that I was mocking him. I told you these people are airheads. I'm pretty sure he was just there to meet loose young women.

It would have been nice to be staying right there in the belly of the beast rather than a hotel in Arlington. I got as close a hotel to the city as possible since no one in D.C. would rent a room for less than three days.

It was time to head to the Ball and get ready to broadcast on Rightalk Radio. This one would really be a "by the seat of our pants" broadcast since I didn't have the schedule of events or list of any of the guests. People probably would not want to hear me ramble on for two or two and a half hours.

Twenty minutes before showtime, I got a handwritten schedule of the festivities. My palms were starting to sweat, and that has never happened to me.

Unfortunately, they set up my table just outside the ballroom where I couldn't see the festivities and presentations. And I couldn't see the people. I apologize if the broadcast was a little less than professional but I did the best I could for you under the circumstances.

I must thank Kay Daly. She saved the evening by being a guest and rounding up the guests for me. Without her, there might have been a lot of dead air or screaming on the broadcast. THANK YOU, KAY!

Okay, let's get to the part of the story where a FReeper tries to kill me. I'm stuck at the table and can't get to the food. All I had for food that day so far was a muffin and little tiny quiche thing at Dreier's office. And I had to pick the little pieces of ham out of that since I don't eat meat.

I'm hungry, I'm getting a little cranky, and by this time I'm at about 39 hours of no sleep. A FReeper brought me a plate of food with salmon on it. It was a lifesaver, or so I thought. Because I was occupied, I don't even know who did it. Please stand up if you are reading this. On a little scrap paper, which I didn't see until later, was a little note scratched out --- salmon has bones. It was not proportionally spaced and was not any bigger than about 8-point handwritten font.

Of course, you know what happened. Between words I am trying to sneak bites of food and not chew too much into the microphone. All of a sudden there is a terrible feeling in my throat. It starts to hurt a little. I am on the air and am having trouble talking. We go to commercial. During the break I drink water and finally have to stick my finger down my throat as far as I can to dislodge to bone. Fortunately, it worked and the show went on. There could have truly been a reasonable excuse for dead air on the show. Thank you, Lord, for not calling me home yet. I have more things to do.

The highlight of the evening for me was getting to meet and interview Gov. Huckabee, former congressman Bob Barr, and author of UNLIMITED ACCESS, Gary Aldrich. We also had a fun time opening the show with JimRob and extracting information from him. I had a difficult time getting him to the microphone, but he promised BobJ he would do the interview. It was a very enjoyable discussion with the man who helped shine the light of truth on the Clintons, created a home for us, and is ultimately largely responsible for the demise of Dan Rather and the election and re-election of this great president. JimRob, what one man has created has dramatically changed this nation for the better. The mainstream media no longer has a stranglehold on information. Our hats off to you.

Kay Daly told a great story of being in an elevator that morning with none other than TaRayZa and her gigolo husband. It was not a happy day for them. He didn't see quite as enthusiastic as the several previous months. Kay was almost bursting inside with joy. No "shove it" was heard in that elevator.

After all these years, I finally got to meet some of you I have considered friends this whole time. By accident, I met Registered on the way out the door. It was a pleasure to be able to meet Richard Poe and give him a copy of A CHILD'S EYE VIEW OF JOHN KERRY. Richard has done two interviews for me.

To all of you who came to the table and said hi, please check in. I'm sorry I couldn't talk while I was on the air. I was so tired, I don't even remember most of your names. Please check in and let me know that we met.

Mudboy Slim came with Uncleshag. Great to meet you guys. Uncleshag, sorry that ONE FINE SOLDIER was unable to be played for some reason. Your recording of that song is tremendous, and I expect that it will be able to be downloaded from some of the sites like kerrylied and the swiftees. There is talk about a CD that would include ONE FINE SOLDIER for a fundraiser for them to benefit military charities. Several people were disappointed because the song was not able to be heard at the Ball.

Steve, please stand up and remind me of your FReeper name. I am grateful for the ride back to Arlington and not having to risk my life in D.C. walking to a Metro station late at night. Your lyrics were entertaining on the ride home.

Finally, I watched a little TV in the room, and got to sleep at 2am, 44 hours after the saga began in Upland.

On the flight home, I met a teacher and a great group of kids that will be featured in another story. They were from Calvary Chapel School in Costa Mesa. These kids got out and worked for the President. A registrar came to their school and registered those who were 18. About 40 of them made a field trip to DC for the Inauguration. I sat next to one of their teachers and had a delightful political discussion.

TaRayZa, if you are lurking here -- SHOVE IT. Michael Moore, if you are lurking here -- keep eating until you explode. And to the gigolo, if you are lurking here -- you are a disgrace to the uniform you wore. Some of the truth has finally been revealed. There is more to come. You and Fonda should have been in prison for what you did to this nation and the men who served it well. No, they were not crazed baby killers. They were and are heroes, unlike you. These heroes finally got their real welcome home on the first Tuesday in November, in the year of our Lord, 2004. From ONE FINE SOLDIER -- "John O'Neill and the Swiftvets...you will never know finer men."

The show was great doug, but I wouldn't expect anything less from you! The report was great, especially loved reading about the losers on the streets! Wish I had been there, but I am too afraid to fly, so we listened to your radio show and lived it all through you and these reports! Thanks for all you do doug. You are, in the words of Hannity, "A great American."

Glad you're okay. That's the one thing I hate about Salmon. You are the consummate professional for going on despite having osseous matter trapped in your throat. ;^)

Wish I could have gone to the inauguration, but alas, my three young'uns would have been left to fend for themselves for 3 days....and then I would have been tossed into jail indefinitely for child neglect. (Babysitters are just so expensive.) As much as I love W, somehow it didn't seem worth it.

Incidentally, I became a vegetarian in September, after Vioxx did a number on me. I absolutely love meat, and I'm all for raising cattle, wearing leather, having dominion over the animals, etc....but after actually FEELING (oh, the great pain) how difficult it is for a body to digest meat I decided maybe it wasn't a great thing to eat. Did you know it takes 2 whole days for a body to digest meat? If you ate meat every day you'd never get through it all. Anyway, I really miss steak. *SIGH*

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