Pat Boone: The Will Rogers Social Security Solution

And we do need him today! The wit and wisdom, the empathy and understanding he brought to the social and political issues of his day don't seem to exist anywhere now. Art Buchwald came close, and Garrison Keiller evoked old Will from time to time but the shaggy-haired Cherokee American philosopher from the Oklahoma Territory is still in a class by himself. There was only one. I had the honor and intense pleasure of portraying Will in "The Will Rogers Follies" in Branson, Missouri, for almost the whole year of 1994. The show and our production of it was a colossal hit, and I completely immersed myself in Will Rogers, his writing and his good-humored but sometimes biting insights into the current affairs of his day.

Here was a guy who was number one on Broadway, in the movies, on radio and in personal appearances and still found time to personally type out a daily column to 700 newspapers seven days a week! There had never been anything like it, and never will be again.

The producer of the show, Pierre Cossette, allowed me to imitate the philosopher and comment on events right out of the daily newspaper. It was quite a risk on Pierre's part, but he came to trust my instincts in "channeling" Will Rogers on matters of the day, large and small. And I sometimes felt the old boy was whispering things in my ear as I read through the Branson Daily News (which didn't take too long). Here's an example.

Now looka here, folks; we got us a big problem in this country, and the paper today is quotin' all these politicians about how serious the problem is and what they think we oughta do about it. Now we got the best politicians money can buy, no question about that, but they're all knockin' heads and callin' each other names and nobody seems ta have a answer for this Social Security mess.

The President tells us Social Security may be bankrupted in a few years, and is proposin' some kind of private stock accounts as a solution. But think I've come up with a better one! Here it is, and we'll call it the Will Rogers Plan to Save Social Security.

First of all, everybody loves a lottery we can agree on that, can't we? This country is just nuts about lotteries and the chance to win a lot of money in a hurry, and most everybody has been buyin' tickets, in the hopes of winnin' millions of dollars overnight.

So, here's what we do. We start the Social Security Lottery, and everybody in the country can buy one ticket. And that ticket costs one dollar, and if anybody can't afford to buy the one ticket, then some of these big corporations and rich people will buy tickets for them, so that every single person in this country, rich or poor or black or white or even Indian like me will have one chance. You with me so far?

Now I know $260 or $270 million won't solve the whole Social Security problem, but I'm not through yet. We'll have a big drawin', and the winner will get $20 million or so. It's not the whole bundle, but 20 million for a one-dollar ticket ain't a bad deal, and I'll take a chance on that myself!

Now, that should leave about $250 million, and I propose that we put all that money in thousand-dollar bills and load it all into a big wheel barrel or something big enough to tote it, and we roll that wheel barrel right over to Senator Hillary Clinton's office there in New York. And we ask her politely to take that $250 million and invest it in the commodities market. Several years ago, she proved to be a real whiz at that stuff, making somethin' like ten or twenty times on the money she invested, and if she'll kindly do that for us, we can solve that Social Security deficit in no time!

Well, that's my idea, and I just hope the ol' boys in Congress will do somethin' with it.

2 posted on 02/28/2005 5:24:37 PM PST by genefromjersey (So much to flame;so little time !)

LOL! there you go, problem solved.

3 posted on 02/28/2005 5:24:38 PM PST by stopem (Support the troops yellow ribbon purse-key-holders.)

Now that's funny!

Too bad Pat Boone/Will Rogers didn't get to write Chris Rock's opening for the Oscars.

4 posted on 02/28/2005 5:50:23 PM PST by isthisnickcool (This space for rent.)

This OKIE thinks we could use another Will Rogers.

5 posted on 02/28/2005 5:51:24 PM PST by Sola Veritas (Trying to speak truth - not always with the best grammar or spelling)

Will Rogers never met Hillary Clinton.

6 posted on 02/28/2005 5:51:30 PM PST by KarlInOhio (Blackwell for Governor 2006: hated by the 'Rats, feared by the RINOs.)

Amen. Sounds great.

Only, just like the CA Lottery, the money won't be able to find where it is supposed to go. Lots of sticky fingers.

7 posted on 02/28/2005 5:58:47 PM PST by wizr (Freedom ain't free.)

Here's a laugh for the evening.

8 posted on 02/28/2005 5:59:35 PM PST by hoosiermama (It's more than an election...It's a change of heart....an enlightenment....life is important)

Hillary's "investment" winnings were 100 - 1, $1,000 invested yielded $100,000 in less than a year.

When Will Rogers was asked his opinion of the Women's Suffrage Bill (19th Amendment I think) he said he said he was against it because Mother Nature had given women so many advantages that he didn't see why the government should give them more.

9 posted on 02/28/2005 6:02:39 PM PST by Mind-numbed Robot (Not all things that need to be done need to be done by the government.)

Will Rodgers on investing in the stock market:
Find a good stock. If it goes up sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it!

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.